When I was a child,
I would weave simple tunes.
Growing up, it was habit
That I would find myself
Going back to these tunes
I spun out of my fingers
On to the ivory keys
Whenever the occasion needed it.
***
Happy, sad, angry,
For self or for show,
When I sat down in front of the piano,
My fingers would find solace
And my mind will be at peace.
My heart would beat along
To the melodies I played along to
And crafted on the whim.
***
My parents would applaud me,
My friends amazed by me
Everyone liked my talent
But was that how they saw me?
Just someone who was good at something?
I cry because it feels mechanical.
Sometimes I, myself, don’t know
What I’m feeling inside.
***
Soon melodies became attached
To painful memories that may seem
Inconsequential and even
Nonsensical for me to consider
The tunes as something unlikeable.
But many had a bittersweet tone to it
Sometimes, forced and angry
Very soon, the worst happened to me.
***
As the years passed, my love decreased
Growing cold and brittle like ice shards.
Now when my fingers touch the keys
I cry because nothing comes out, even mechanical.
Of the passion that’s been left dying.
My hands shake as my brain taunts me.
“You’ll never be as good as before.
You’ve lost your passion.”
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hello!
First off, I really love this poem. It is beautiful and bittersweet. It has a feel that brings happiness but also brings sadness at the same time.
I will say, sometimes it feels a little block-like and chunky, not as smooth as it could be but that could also be your style. You brought a lot of emotion into the poem and I feel like that is amazing. There is a part where the tense changes from past to future, "my mind will be at peace," I feel that it should be "my mind would be at peace" unless that, in particular, you meant for it to be like that.
To keep this sweet and simple, I believe you did an explicably wonderful job.
Of course there's room for improvement, but even the best of the best have room for improvement. You have a beautiful talent, please please keep writing!
Thank you for an amazing read!
Thank you for your review! Really appreciate it
Hi! I have to leave a really quick review, sorry, it is really late where I live! (I'm using the YWS S'more Method today)
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This poem is about a person who used to play piano when they were younger, and they were praised a lot. But they realized they were only praised because of that, and they started to lose their passion over the years. Eventually, when they played the piano again, they had terrible memories of the past, and self-loathing thoughts.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I was a little confused about your use of the word "mechanical." You used it twice, but it seemed like they were used as different meanings each time? I dunno, I don't really understand what you meant in the poem when you wrote "mechanical."
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I liked your descriptions, and emotion in the poem. I liked how you used the words "weave" and "spun" about the music. I also liked when you said,
Similies are always a good thing! The poem really captures what you were feeling, and the ending especially is really sad, so it helps the reader understand the narrator better.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this is a sad but meaningful poem. I am sorry you had to go through this, I hope you are feeling better after writing this. Sorry this was so short!
Happy Writing!
Thank you for your review! I always appreciate comments no matter how long or how short they are
What I meant by "mechanical" means no emotions. Usually the virtuosity of a pianist can be determined not only by their technique but mainly through how well they can convey emotions through the piano. In this line "I cry because nothing comes out, even mechanical.", nothing comes out of the pianist as if their touch with music has been lost. They cannot make any kind of music without feeling like they've lost something
Ohhh okay that makes sense. Thanks for explaining!
Aloha Poet!
Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye an appealing poem titled “Passion Lost” that deserves a good review. So without further ado, let’s begin.
I. It All Begins At The Beginning
"Passion Lost" is a poem that takes you on a journey through a person's changing relationship with music. The title grabs your attention right away and sets the tone for a reflective piece. From the start, it talks about growing up, emotions, and time passing by.
The poem is like looking back at how someone's love for music has changed over time. It talks about how they used to enjoy playing the piano and how it made them feel different emotions. Music was like a friend to them, and it helped them express what they couldn't put into words.
II. The Door To Improvement
The title is good, but maybe it could look even better or show the feeling of losing passion. It's also important in the poem to see how the person's feelings and actions are connected.
The poem does a great job showing how the person's emotions and actions are linked. It explains how they used to play the piano to express themselves, and that's a big part of the poem's message.
III. That Part
One part of the poem that really stands out is when it talks about how the person's heart would beat along with the music they played. It shows how music used to make them feel alive, and that's a powerful moment in the poem.
IV. When All Is Said And Done
In the end, "Passion Lost" is a touching poem that explores how someone's love for music has changed over time. It's relatable because we all go through changes as we grow up. The poem is well-written, and it makes you think about how our passions can evolve. It's a poem that many people can connect with and appreciate.
VI. Seek Inspiration Beyond
Feel free to check out Stardust by @Mikatsune for some extra inspiration and ideas to spice up your own writing of poetry!
That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!
Yours in Puzzling Shadows,
Rose
Thank you my friend! This review has been of great help to me in my great adventure of writing! May we soon all find the fire to our lost passions