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And It Will Never Be

by alpacaboss


Love is such a beautiful thing.

So tender and sweet

Gentle and kind

Every heart beat

Seems to tempt me

To reciprocate

Whatever you’re showing me.

Believe me

You were close

But I won’t do it.

I’ve seen how it plays

Every move, every take

Like chess pieces on the board.

And it all concludes with me

At the losing end.

Besides is it truly love

If I only wanted to give back 

The love you showed me?

Shouldn't it be

A two way street?

I realize I may have

Placed my defenses too high

But it’s better for it that way

For your sake and mine.

Better that we don’t do anything.

Staying friends will be the best

And these feelings will go away

Every emotion we felt

Every moment we shared

Will just be as friends.

Time will tell if we’re a fit

Or if it will stay this way

And it will never be.


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167 Reviews

Points: 32622
Reviews: 167

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Sat Mar 02, 2024 8:21 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Hey there alpacaboss! Rose here with a quick review for your lovely poem :]

Image

Very first of all, I must say that this is truly a beautiful piece. I find it always to intriguing how poetry can just carry emotions, just like your poem does. It tells such a heart-wrenching story in a simple way but still so lovely.

You start the poem with a few lines that aren't heavy with descriptions or metaphors, but just seem as if you've picked just the right words for it. I can read it so smoothly and definitely all over again.

However, though I understand that the end is supposed to be a sort of resolution, I feel like it's a bit too fast-paced in comparison to the stanza's above it. Perhas you could consider adding a bit more imagery there, or in some way slow it down for a bit.

There isn't much punctuation in this poem, and that's okay, poems are carefree. And you've written this in your own way and with our own style.

Every move, every take

Like chess pieces on the board.

This is definitely my favourite piece of the poem, it perfectly captures the intention of the other person in a way that is not literally. But it's almost as if I can imagine this.

Everything in all and all in everything, this was a gem and I really enjoyed reading this. You have some awesome poetry skills! Keep on writing and good luck with your future writing projects!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

With writer’s love,
Rose




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204 Reviews

Points: 9395
Reviews: 204

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Wed Jan 31, 2024 6:00 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

This was so lovely to read <33

So tender and sweet

Gentle and kind

Every heart beat


I love the rhyme here. I am not sure if was intentional, but as I was reading, this part flowed really well.

I’ve seen how it plays

Every move, every take

Like chess pieces on the board.


I love the description you use. Love being described as a chess match is such an interesting way to think about this situation. It makes me think about how I can make any move I want to, but there is always another person watching me, pressuring me, and in the end, they want to win. Maybe they don't want me to suffer and lose, but they cannot win without me losing the game.

Better that we don’t do anything.

Staying friends will be the best

And these feelings will go away

Every emotion we felt

Every moment we shared


This hit me really deeply. It can be hard to end a (romantic) relationship with a person, while still accepting that everything that you both felt was real and did happen. It can seem better, for both of you, to just stay as friends. It is sure hard though. I love the listing you use here. Every emotion. Every moment. All these feelings. It sums up the mood and what you are trying to express really well.

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

Personally, I would have added more commas to this poem. I think that you wrote this with the intention of it being very free-flowing and not extremely structured, but there were a couple spots that I think could benefit :)

Here they are:

So tender and sweet,

Gentle and kind.

Every heart beat

Seems to tempt me

To reciprocate


Another note- I believe heart beat should be heartbeat. The commas in this quote are bolded and are things I have added.

There are some other spots throughout the poem, but I think this is not a necessary thing at all and it is totally up to the writer and their style! I love how you wrote it :D Free-style formatting like this conveys a lot of heaviness and deep feelings.

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

Love this ending:

Time will tell if we’re a fit

Or if it will stay this way

And it will never be.


Time will tell, for sure :) Maybe you can write a poem about it someday. One thing in life that is certain, is that time will pass and things will change.

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Lovely poem! Keep writing!!

Your friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for the review! Really appreciate the feedback although I'll just like to point out that they're still friends. The other wants something more but the narrator is stoping the other (as seen in the lines: Believe me, You were close, But I won%u2019t do it.)




"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss