I wish I did better.
I wish I was the guy you like.
We became really close and as time flew by...
My feelings grew faster
I've never felt like this before
A strong desire to call you mine.
I hated it when you were sad
Cause the day grows grey
And the sun pales and sighs.
For your presence was like the sun
So radiant and it pierced through the mundane
My life changed when I met you...
Yet I know you don't like me back.
You keep insisting it.
And I know your words are true.
Your treatment to me remains a friend.
Even if I show obvious signs
That something more has bloomed.
I don't want to stop loving you.
I know I have to.
But I don't think, I don't want to, find someone new.
I love you. I may never say those words to you
Keeping this act up hurts and makes me think...
What if I never fell for you?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I'm back!
Enough likes and I'll make the girl's POV...maybe
*clicks like 500 times*
Hi! This is an emotional poem that I can relate to. You did a spectacular job of writing this. The emotions bled through the pages and it shows the pain the person is feeling. It is hard to fall in love with someone when they don't feel the same.
"A strong desire to call you mine." was the sentence that captivated me in your work. "I don't want to stop loving you." hits home for me. I don't have any critiques, it was amazing! Have a great day!
First things first, really great job. I really connected with the narrator of this poem and felt his emotions through your writing. You do a very good job establishing the fact that this is from the guy's point of view in the line "I wish I was the guy you like." The narrator's emotions feel genuine and relatable. I don't have any critiques, so overall, very good job.
Hi! I really enjoyed reading this poem and I wanted to share a few thoughts
I like how you catch our attention right away! Right from the start, I get this sense of regret for not doing something or being better. It is almost like how in the moment we don't realize how much things mean to us... until they are gone. You also do a nice job as setting it up. We can see that this is from the guys POV and that we are hearing his thoughts.
I feel like the top two lines might be missing commas or periods? I just point that out because you use periods and commas at the end of thoughts or statements everywhere else in the poem, not that poetry needs periods and commas.
^^I loved how these two lines flowed! the 'day grows grey' is a tongue twisted! xD And I love the next line too. Very nice!
I would also put a period after the word mundane, if you want to have consistent periods throughout the piece. I feel like the 'for your presence' has this very elegant and fancy tone to it that is a bit more than the voice throughout the rest of the poem. Personally, I would just say "your presence" but either way works and I love how pretty the language is. I can tell that the emotions from this guy are very powerful
I love the ending! I really enjoy when poems ask questions because they really help me connect and feel it on a more personal level. You finish with a pretty open ended, but BIG question. Overall, I love the tone of this poem and the guys thoughts. I hope that you make the girls POV too
Your friend,
Ellie