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This Feeling So New

by alpacaboss


When you look into my eyes,

My heart gallops a mile.

When you flash that pretty smile,

My heart reaches the skies.

***

I don’t know what to do

With this feeling so new.

I run away in nervousness

But part of me wants to be with you.

***

The way you walk, the way you talk

Every laugh, every frown

Everything about you is amazing

From top to bottom and all around.

***

But more than that, your personality

It captivates me, so gentlemanly.

Loyal, kind, and happy

To every single person that you meet.

***

What makes me think

You’ll like a girl like me?

I’m so far from you.

You’re levels above me.

***

Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better.

***

I’ll stop my lovestruck heart

For your sake and mine.

I will love someone else.

Even if I can’t get you out of my mind.

***

***

P.S. I know the structure is a bit whack and the rhythm is out of place. I just conceptualized and wrote this poem in about 20 minutes so bear with me lol. And no, I'm not in love with someone. heh


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Points: 25
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Wed Jul 26, 2023 2:16 pm
TenderFalling4U wrote a review...



Hello 👋 alpacaboss,

Thank you for sharing your work with people and letting other newbie writers(like me :D) to learn from it and also general people to relate to hardly explainable feelings that exist within us.

I am new to this so my review will be just some few simple words from my heart to thank you for your work and show my understanding of it :)

Firstly I wanna say that I think most of us could agree that poetry that is close to our home hits differently and it is way easier to understand the art and emotions of it, so I believe that would be the first reason why it touched a certain place in my heart ;D

Even though as you said it might have some places where rhythm is out of place, weirdly it did not distract me from reading and think that's a good thing to mention because usually that would get really in the way and it just would destroy the flow of emotions in my case and it would make the reader lose the connection with the poem itself. Which I believe it one of the most important things when it comes to writing: connecting to others.

I also love how simple it is. I believe not all poetry needs to include posh words or lots of language devices to be good and touching. It can simply do that with genuine passion and deep emotions with the most simple words and phrases that anyone could relate to.

PS. you mention that you are not in love with someone, so if this piece is written not from your own experience and feelings, i wanna say you did an amazing job with walking through the mental and physical emotions that person would be feeling. Due to that it does indeed feel really realistic and for someone who has felt all of this in exact way you have written, it make me feel flabbergasted of how accurate you made it all be. Personally I believe it is hard to convey emotions to others about something you are not feeling deep in yourself, so big props for being able to do that!

Overall, I think this was a pretty good writing that I enjoyed and was able to create emotional connection with. So thank you again for sharing it <3

Hope to see more work of yours!

Thank you once again and have a nice day!




alpacaboss says...


Thank you so much for your review and the kind words! Thank you for taking the time to review my work, too :D

I do agree that people have different perceptions about how poetry is used. Some prefer more structured poems while others appreciate free-flowing ones. Personally, a great poet can do both at the same time, using their respective language to the greatest potential. As someone who tends to like structured poems but likes to write free-flowing ones, I work to strike a balance between the two. But then again, sometimes I just let the emotions flow ;)

Have a nice day as well!



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22 Reviews

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Tue Jul 25, 2023 2:28 am
epotts1 wrote a review...



"When you look into my eyes,

My heart gallops a mile.

When you flash that pretty smile,

My heart reaches the skies." OH. MY. GOSH. I can relate so perfectly to this. Amazing illustration. It is what it really feels like.

"The way you walk, the way you talk

Every laugh, every frown

Everything about you is amazing

From top to bottom and all around." Even their smell is amazing. And yes a laugh can undo you and make you putty. Again well rounded verse to that aspect that you could stupidly love every single thing about this person GOOD AND BAD.

"Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better." I'm still waiting for him to wake up and think someone is better, even just as a friend. I just don't feel good enough to be around him sometimes. I understand this so perfectly and you wrote it so beautifully. GREAT JOB. Especially for someone who wrote this in twenty minutes.

"I’ll stop my lovestruck heart

For your sake and mine.

I will love someone else.

Even if I can’t get you out of my mind." Perfect conclusion. For your sake and mine is a perfectly worded line for this struggle. I love you, but i know there's someone better out there...so i'll find someone else even though i'll still keep you in my heart. It's such a cruel struggle. And it's something not everyone understands.
BEAUTIFUL POEM GREAT JOB :D




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you like it :D



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Fri Jul 21, 2023 4:13 am
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hiya! This is Orabella with a short review.

I think this is amazing, especially considering the length of time it took to write! I've hardly ever reviewed things based on romance, so I may not be the best person to comment, but I'll do my best. :)

Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better.


This is my favorite part, though I'm not quite sure why. The rhymes are clever, and this is a part where we get to see your character's doubt, which is interesting.

The only thing I would suggest changing is the word "gentlemanly". It doesn't fit very well, in my opinion, as it seems a bit clunky to me.

This was done very well, and I enjoyed this immensely! I love your poems; they're very beautiful and well-done. Thanks for writing and sharing this!

Keep writing!




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for your review! Glad you like it :D



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Fri Jul 14, 2023 7:52 pm
Kaia wrote a review...



Hey, Alpaca!
Hm. You say you aren't on love with someone, but then...how does this seem so realistic, hm? *Taps chin with suspicion*

All right, on to the review. Obviously, the character written about here has a very quiet crush on this person. But she already acknowledges that this relationship will never work out. She is nervous around him...because she wants to be seen and recognized by him, but she also knows the truth about the situation...she is fantasizing. He probably hasn't even noticed her...or not enough...

This character is also surprisingly good at analyzing herself. She realizes early on what this will lead to and acknowledges that she needs to move on. I suspect she has probably had this problem before, and she is mature enough to recognize the signs before it is too late.

Anyway, that's my analysis of the situation. ;) I find these words to be rather relatable and realistic. Again, I find it impressive how you tell a whole story without using a single sentence, and pull it off in a one minute read. Nicely done. Applause to the alpaca! Wonderful job. I could critique a little on the rhyming and rhythm, but I feel like for this poem, the fact that it sometimes rhymes and sometimes doesn't goes along with the characters feelings. When all is thrilling, it rhymes, when it's not, the rhyme is jarred. Nice touch there, too. The mixing of rhyme really does isolate each stanza and make you think about it all on its own.

That's it or this one,
Lady Kaia
Knight of the Afterwatch




alpacaboss says...


Hmm, realistic huh? I'll take that as a compliment *grins innocently*

Thanks for the review! Really appreciate it :D

Honestly, I was thinking of happy ending for this, but my brain was like "nah" :D

Have a great day/night!



Kaia says...


Uh huh....

Sure. Glad to be of help.

Naw, man! Everything's better with a sadder ending!!

You, too!



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Fri Jul 14, 2023 3:51 pm
loveissourgrapes wrote a review...



Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your beautiful poem a review/comment. I find it raw and beautiful because of how the narrator describes the person she is in love with. It is good even if it was written in 20 minutes. This also reminds me of my own poem, I Will Love You For the Rest Of my Life. It gives off that vibe with the romance of course. You can read that too.

When you look into my eyes,

My heart gallops a mile.

When you flash that pretty smile,

My heart reaches the skies.


You can see how in love the narrator is toward the man said. Even if I have also never been in love, this is nice. I think the rhyme here is great. It goes ABAB. Although, it does not follow by the other stanzas.

I don’t know what to do

With this feeling so new.

I run away in nervousness

But part of me wants to be with you.


This stanza reminds me of those love songs that are jazzy and are heard in the radio in car rides. The feeling of falling in love seems to be so new to the narrator so she is hesitant like is it right to like a man like you? Should I let these feelings be or should I move on?

The way you walk, the way you talk

Every laugh, every frown

Everything about you is amazing

From top to bottom and all around.


This stanza is kind of following that ABAB pattern but the third line does not rhythm with any. But the line is perfect for the meaning of the poem. Oh no, she is actually very down bad for this guy. He even likes him when he frowns, that's crazy. EVERYTHING about this man to her is amazing.

But more than that, your personality

It captivates me, so gentlemanly.

Loyal, kind, and happy

To every single person that you meet.


Who does not like a gentleman who has loyal, kind and happy? And he is like that to every single person he meets? Girl, it's okay to be in love with his kind of man. At least he's nice. Not just that he is handsome but he is kind and gentle too. The two first lines rhyme but the other two don't but that's fine because it has that lyrical rhythm to it.

What makes me think

You’ll like a girl like me?

I’m so far from you.

You’re levels above me.


This is pretty true. When you fall in love with someone, you think you are lower than that one person because you think of yourself way differently compared to this person. That's why she thinks he is levels above her.

Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better.


You can see that this poem turns out to be sad. She definitely does not end up with him because she will keep her feelings on the low because she thinks of herself differently compared to the person she is in love with. Yeah, "he'll find a girl better than me" a common thing people say when they are deeply in love with someone. I've heard that phrase/sentence said by people [fictional or not] especially girls.

I’ll stop my lovestruck heart

For your sake and mine.

I will love someone else.

Even if I can’t get you out of my mind.


See, she would rather love someone else instead of the man who probably wants her too. People really say and do crazy stuff when they are in love with each other deeply. Over all, this was great for an ending. Keep on writing! I would love to see you write more of this genre romance because it suits your writing style very well.

Have a beautiful day/night!




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for your review! I kind of intentionally disregarded all structure and rhythm with this poem, because it also helps depict how the narrator feels when she's in love. Yes, some of the stanza intentionally sound like lyrics to a song because I was humming to this. In short, this poem was incredibly emotionally driven lol

About writing more romance, I'll think about that. HAHAHAH

Have a great day/night!



loveissourgrapes says...


You're welcome! Emotionally driven hehe :D




By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill