Young Writers Society

Hello 👋 alpacaboss,

Thank you for sharing your work with people and letting other newbie writers(like me ) to learn from it and also general people to relate to hardly explainable feelings that exist within us.

I am new to this so my review will be just some few simple words from my heart to thank you for your work and show my understanding of it

Firstly I wanna say that I think most of us could agree that poetry that is close to our home hits differently and it is way easier to understand the art and emotions of it, so I believe that would be the first reason why it touched a certain place in my heart ;D

Even though as you said it might have some places where rhythm is out of place, weirdly it did not distract me from reading and think that's a good thing to mention because usually that would get really in the way and it just would destroy the flow of emotions in my case and it would make the reader lose the connection with the poem itself. Which I believe it one of the most important things when it comes to writing: connecting to others.

I also love how simple it is. I believe not all poetry needs to include posh words or lots of language devices to be good and touching. It can simply do that with genuine passion and deep emotions with the most simple words and phrases that anyone could relate to.

PS. you mention that you are not in love with someone, so if this piece is written not from your own experience and feelings, i wanna say you did an amazing job with walking through the mental and physical emotions that person would be feeling. Due to that it does indeed feel really realistic and for someone who has felt all of this in exact way you have written, it make me feel flabbergasted of how accurate you made it all be. Personally I believe it is hard to convey emotions to others about something you are not feeling deep in yourself, so big props for being able to do that!

Overall, I think this was a pretty good writing that I enjoyed and was able to create emotional connection with. So thank you again for sharing it <3

Hope to see more work of yours!

Thank you once again and have a nice day!

"When you look into my eyes,

My heart gallops a mile.

When you flash that pretty smile,

My heart reaches the skies." OH. MY. GOSH. I can relate so perfectly to this. Amazing illustration. It is what it really feels like.

"The way you walk, the way you talk

Every laugh, every frown

Everything about you is amazing

From top to bottom and all around." Even their smell is amazing. And yes a laugh can undo you and make you putty. Again well rounded verse to that aspect that you could stupidly love every single thing about this person GOOD AND BAD.

"Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better." I'm still waiting for him to wake up and think someone is better, even just as a friend. I just don't feel good enough to be around him sometimes. I understand this so perfectly and you wrote it so beautifully. GREAT JOB. Especially for someone who wrote this in twenty minutes.

"I’ll stop my lovestruck heart

For your sake and mine.

I will love someone else.

Even if I can’t get you out of my mind." Perfect conclusion. For your sake and mine is a perfectly worded line for this struggle. I love you, but i know there's someone better out there...so i'll find someone else even though i'll still keep you in my heart. It's such a cruel struggle. And it's something not everyone understands.
BEAUTIFUL POEM GREAT JOB

Hiya! This is Orabella with a short review.

I think this is amazing, especially considering the length of time it took to write! I've hardly ever reviewed things based on romance, so I may not be the best person to comment, but I'll do my best.

Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better.

Hey, Alpaca!
Hm. You say you aren't on love with someone, but then...how does this seem so realistic, hm? *Taps chin with suspicion*

All right, on to the review. Obviously, the character written about here has a very quiet crush on this person. But she already acknowledges that this relationship will never work out. She is nervous around him...because she wants to be seen and recognized by him, but she also knows the truth about the situation...she is fantasizing. He probably hasn't even noticed her...or not enough...

This character is also surprisingly good at analyzing herself. She realizes early on what this will lead to and acknowledges that she needs to move on. I suspect she has probably had this problem before, and she is mature enough to recognize the signs before it is too late.

Anyway, that's my analysis of the situation. I find these words to be rather relatable and realistic. Again, I find it impressive how you tell a whole story without using a single sentence, and pull it off in a one minute read. Nicely done. Applause to the alpaca! Wonderful job. I could critique a little on the rhyming and rhythm, but I feel like for this poem, the fact that it sometimes rhymes and sometimes doesn't goes along with the characters feelings. When all is thrilling, it rhymes, when it's not, the rhyme is jarred. Nice touch there, too. The mixing of rhyme really does isolate each stanza and make you think about it all on its own.

That's it or this one,
Lady Kaia
Knight of the Afterwatch

Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your beautiful poem a review/comment. I find it raw and beautiful because of how the narrator describes the person she is in love with. It is good even if it was written in 20 minutes. This also reminds me of my own poem, I Will Love You For the Rest Of my Life. It gives off that vibe with the romance of course. You can read that too.

When you look into my eyes,

My heart gallops a mile.

When you flash that pretty smile,

My heart reaches the skies.

I don’t know what to do

With this feeling so new.

I run away in nervousness

But part of me wants to be with you.

The way you walk, the way you talk

Every laugh, every frown

Everything about you is amazing

From top to bottom and all around.

But more than that, your personality

It captivates me, so gentlemanly.

Loyal, kind, and happy

To every single person that you meet.

What makes me think

You’ll like a girl like me?

I’m so far from you.

You’re levels above me.

Maybe I should stop thinking

That one day we’ll be together.

Because I know that you’ll eventually

Find a girl who is better.

I’ll stop my lovestruck heart

For your sake and mine.

I will love someone else.

Even if I can’t get you out of my mind.