So you think all friendships start
when two lonely people meet.
Maybe they had a shared friend,
they live on the same street
The truth is-- or so I've found,
that nothing binds you more
than a person you both hate
someone neither will stand for
You come up with your best insults,
a growing list of why you hate them.
you create your best revenge plans,
from small jokes to full out mayhem.
And who ever knew
What your anger could create?
Banded together as a force
against the person you hate.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
hey acm,
loved this short piece, but have a couple suggestions. In the second paragraph, the "someone neither will stand for" doesn't quite make sense to me. In the first paragraph, in the last line,shouldn't that be 'they lived on the same street"? or "or lived on the same street"?
Well, its just a suggestion; otherwise, the piece is good.
This is very hateful, I really like it though. I like that it is short, sweet and to the point. I am very fond with the second paragraph. In the second to last paragraph I don't understand when you say full out mayhem. What do you mean when you "And who ever Knew"?
I don't understand when you say "What your anger could create?" I thought it was just you and your friend that had the secrets.
Hi there acm! Niteowl here to review this poem.
Overall, I find the idea of this very relatable. I have a relationship with someone I work with that is almost entirely forged out of our shared disdain for another labmate.
However, I do see the punctuation issue you mentioned, as well as a couple other minor issues.
It's hard to explain tiny changes, so I just made them above for the first stanza. I think it makes more sense as two stanzas. Connecting the last two lines with "or" also improves the flow.
I shortened the lines here to improve the rhythm a bit and adjusted the punctuation. The second line was sticking out as really long.
This stanza flows well, just changed some punctuation since you have two complete sentences here.
I flipped the couplets in this stanza because I think it flows better. I still think the flow could be a little better here, but I'll let you think about that.
Overall, I like this. Keep writing!
Hello there, acm. This is Moonwatcher, and I'm here for my second review. Unlike the previous one, I think I can write this review a bit better. I really liked the poem, it was good hate poem (which I can never write).
The title of the poem reflects the poem itself, which is good as the poem is about two people with a common enemy. The second stanza sounds weird when I say it out loud, but then again, I could just be saying it wrong. You mentioned something about punctuation in your description and I found the punctuation to be just fine. On the contrary to the second stanza, the poem has a nice flow. I'm especially fond of the third stanza, it sounds nice. I feel like the poem just cuts off at the end. I'll wrap up the review here, and excellent work!
Thanks for the review! I'll work on that.