Young Writers Society

hey there! Happy review day!

I love the theme of this piece. I know, as a believer in Christ, that I often look at the church in the US and wonder what is happening and where we have gone wrong. It seems like there is a lot of hypocrisy (like you said) and it is so frustrating. I love seeing people write about it- just knowing that other people notice and care, too, and every writing is a step forward. If one person decides to make a change then a change will be made, no matter how small.

That being said- bonus points for the truth behind your message. I think you did a great job at presenting your point and your arguments and your stance on the whole issue. It's very clear what you're trying to say here, and I think that's a really good thing, since while complicated poetry and lyrics are often good- it can also be really frustrating when I have to read the poem twenty times just to figure out what it's saying.

My advice is to make sure you stay away from clichés. Religious writing can often become just another one of those Christian poems. I don't think this is one of those, but if you add even more of your voice then I think it can stand out even more. For example, everything you write is pretty general. What about maybe adding one or two specific examples? I think that would help a lot.

I hope this helps, again, I like this poem. Let me know if you need anything, and keep writing!! We need more Christian voices!

-Knight Cailey

Hi, aqua here to give a short insightful review!

We really need to write more things like this. It feels like I haven't read something so honest in a long while. Personally, I do like it a lot. It sends out a good message to everyone too.

I have to admit, I am a bit spiffy with the rhyming. It's like, yes it's a song, having a rock/rap feel as you said below, but... I seriously can't feel the beat, haha. Maybe it's just my unimaginative mind? I hope not.

Another thing you could do is sort of make the contents in the verses more similar to the ones before to let the song flow more. It feels just a TINY bit detached sometimes.

Well that's it! Keep writing on things like this in the future!

Knight Malachi here to review for the Knights of the Green Room.
So this is a truthful message. Thankfully in my church I do not see this, but I know there are churches that really aren't fulfilling their mission.
So, your rhyming was a bit strange to me. It seemed like free verse with a few random times where the lines happened to rhyme. I don't think that was your plan though, so I'm probably just reading it wrong. It is a tiny bit long, but since it's a song that is totally fine.
Keep it up!