Young Writers Society

Salutations, Lives is here for yet another review. I hope I don't offend anyone with my reviews. My intent is to edify and give constructive criticism. I really like this work and Live the last two lines. I don't have any complaints with this, WindSailor. Thanks for contributing to YWS.

As a former Christian whose read other religious-themed works, I'll say that this at least acknowledges the problems believers must face once reality strikes them in the face. I've obviously lost that battle a long time ago, but I think that my mistakes should be able to lead you to your victory.

- "My life's in a million pieces
And my frail and broken heart
Is struggling to see
How this could ever be a part of your plan." I think the problem I have with this is it leaves us readers in the dark. It feels as if a robot is repeating old poems, someone whose assuming humans have problems in their lives but can't show it. You can fix this by either being more specific about your details, or making your protagonist a little more conflicted rather than calm, leaving the conclusion to the poem even more powerful than before.

-"Lord you feel so distant" and "You have never walked out". These two clash with each other. Does your protagonist feel like God is distant, or do they feel like He's always there? Or is this intentional? I think it'd be interesting if you tried to contrast the two thoughts, having the "angel" on the protagonist's shoulders battle with the "demon" on the other shoulder, making a protagonist who actually feels human and isn't just a Bible quote in a poem. Unfortunately, as it is it sounds like the latter.

-"I am haunted by the past
I don't understand the now" Good repetition in the beginning and the end, but then we have another problem--does the protagonist resolve anything? Repetition indicates that they did in the end, but the reader is left in the dark to what that was. That may just be me, but I suggest pressing on the religious theme and conflicts a bit more to give us a very emotional piece of work.

Otherwise, you did a good job for what it is.

Signing out--EM.

Hey, good job on this! I only have a few things to say.

"How this could ever be apart of your plan". I think you meant so say "a part" right?

Second, some of the statements you make sort of contradict each other. I understand what you're trying to say, but it does sort of take away from the meaning.

"Like you're a thousand miles away/I'm thankful I know you listen/To what my heart has to say". I think that you could change the line in the middle a little, to something like "But I'm thankful that you listen".

Other than those, I have nothing to correct. And yes, I agree with this song. Good job, and go Jesus!

I love your profile pic.

This is beautiful.