My Days

Okay another one in this form, it was peaceful again and a pretty read. I like how you put the image in this song and that was really beautiful.

It gives me some hope but now I don't know more to say then this; it gives me peace in my head and this poem makes me calm.

Very well done,

Dazzle

hey there .....i honestly loved eatch part your song , it was touching , meaningful , and soo

wonderful i liked how you started this song .....


My days have been filled with tears

I long to know you are near

People say "Where is He?"

Still I will remember your victory

Hi there Hsarver!

Overall, this song is structured well and has a good flow.

Why are so downcast oh my soul
God is our deliver and hope

Though I am being oppressed by the enemy

Beautiful. So much truth. I needed to read those words. Thanks for publishing this! I think it's a great reminder for all Christians. Keep publishing Christian and religous stuff. I'll read it for sure! Loved the truth to this song! Keep writing! Looking forward to reading more!

-FCS

In the line 'People saw "Where is He"?', the question mark needs to be moved inside the quotation marks. I know this is a nitpicky thing, but it's a change worth making.

I know poems don't need punctuation, but I would reccomend punctuating it. If you don't, I'd suggest taking out the quotation marks and question mark.

In the line 'People saw "Where is He"?', the question mark needs to be moved inside the quotation marks. I know this is a nitpicky thing, but it's a change worth making.

I know poems don't need punctuation, but I would reccomend punctuating it. If you don't, I'd suggest taking out the quotation marks and question mark.

This song/work of lyrical literature is in actuality, quite good. However, I did spot some rather obvious grammatical errors that stunted the work. Anyone who has had a poetical work reviewed by myself knows that I am quite the nitpicker and a stickler for grammar, and I can get very crabby about it.

While, truthfully you can choose to not alter the work in any way and as it is would be good, here in YWS good is not good enough. We strive to do better than good, to be better than good. Here are some suggestions that I believe would help make your work great.


People say "Where is He"?
Still I will remember your victory
While the content of these lines are good, they in no way relate to each other. An extra line to bridge the gap between these two subjects to make them flow easier would be helpful.

Why are so downcast oh my soul
God is our deliver and hope
From the heights to the land below
I will sing praise to the God who knows
As deep calls to deep
Your love sweeps over me
Though I am being oppressed by the enemy
Yours will be the victory

The chorus is one of the best parts of the work, but much like the two lines above hardly any of them relate to one another until the last three lines. Each of them touch on something different and none of them truly connect, although the content within them is good. They simply need to cover the same topic, rather than being all over the place.




I pant for you
Like a dear pants for streams

You're the sovereign king
My days are not numbered by my years

But what I do for you here


The bridge is easily the best part of this literary work, and the only reason I'm mentioning it is because it is the ending. That disappointed me, as I wanted to read more, and because it was so abrupt and cut off. Typically in a song, after you write the bridge there is a short verse and then the chorus, or simply the chorus slightly altered.

To sum up why I mentioned the bridge, it needs more after the bridge ends.

As with all my reviews, what I write is merely in suggestion to you, and if you choose not to consider it, that is your prerogative, and I have no say. I only hope that this helps you in some way. I hope to read more of your works in the future.

Merry Christmas in July!
Happy Writing!
HT