z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

No Apologies

by Casanova


Watchu think I owe you?

You think I should apologize?

Hell no.

Get outta here







"We ain't boys and we ain't homies,"

How true, wouldn't ya say?

We rap and play but at the end of the day we're still strangers

Sit in our chambers on our games and not understandin' the dangers

"You're the traitor," you say? How cliche- blamin' the other

Wack mindset stuck in decay- grab on the mic and blow it out your brains

Lettin' your anger spill- a dry rain in the heat of day

I wagered on who you'd get mad at- I was wrong and now our friendship's under attack

Take a step back and calm down- we need to finish this

In a freestyle or a diss- it doesn't matter

We can shatter what we got left or mix the batter and put it in a platter- save it for later

I act like the dictator but you were the creator of this relationship

You wanted to save it man- I destroyed the friendship

There's boundaries you just shouldn't cross

I tossed a coin in the air- heads I would- tails I wouldn't dare

Came up heads so I got her in bed

My mistake man- and I know you're fed up

It was an easy breakup but take a closeup 'cause this ain't just about you and me

It's about her too, can't you see? It involved all of us- all three

Started racin' on the streets- now we're at the Grand Prix

"Circle of Life"

Yeah- no point like a dull knife

No point to this strife

But I won't apologize- what's done is done



So don't come around begging to me








You'll get No Apologies

Can't you see? I'm through with you and you're through with me

You'll get No Apologies

My hate's as deep as the sea and it's smotherin' you so you can't breathe

You'll get No Apologies

I'll smash your teeth and bury you beneath me

You'll get No Apologies (No Apologies)









"Get upset and you pop pills,"

Man what's your deal? You know different and you still copin' the same stuff

"Oh he's young, he's buff, but he's stupid as hell,"

Don't act like you know me

You said it yourself I don't know you and you don't know me

I know everything you have to say against me

I am a young guy without a clue to the world

And, yeah, I was messin' around with your girl

But if you were all she needed that why was she sittin' there bein' my little cowgirl?

If you were all she wanted why was she with me night after night?

I tried to stop it at first- I knew it wasn't right

Gave in- just didn't have the might to say no.

Didn't want to give in- it was a good show.

You say I've grown cold but I'm just gettin' warmed up now

I never act like I did anything wrong- and you wonder how

Why'd she turn from you- do you really have to ask?

You weren't there most of the time

When you was she was thrown in despair

Scratchin' and clawin'- pullin out her own hair

Then she started thinkin' of the past

Thinkin' back on better days without a life where she was always waitin'

When she was me she wasn't debatin' whether to leave or to stay

You frayed her mind and destroyed, always thinking,"well an eye for an eye."

But it just don't work that way.

Now you're groveling, beggin' and wishin' for forgiveness

You wanted everybody to witness me admitting I'm wrong





But don't come beggin to me









You'll get No Apologies

Can't you see? I'm through with you and you're through with me

You'll get No Apologies

My hate's as deep as the sea and it's smotherin' you so you can't breathe

You'll get No Apologies

I'll smash your teeth and bury you beneath me

You'll get No Apologies (No Apologies)










Now let's take a minute to think

What we were before she pushed us to the edge- the brink

You still haven't told her about the other girl you've been messin' around with

You scared man? Think she won't be able to take it?

I think you Lost your wit at the thought of either girl throwin' a fit and goin' off

Afraid of both girl's leavin'? You're runnin' games- it's girls hearts you thievin'- not a car you speedin'

You're weavin' a tangles web of lies and you're gettin' caught in your own trap

Leavin' a gap between the strands of each thread- just enough to hang yourself by

You lookin' for a high five? Nice try!

Climb this latter and chop the threads one by one while screamin',"Bye bye!."

Put the match to kerosine fluid and laugh when the when your world goes up in flames.

You expect to play these games without causin' any pain?

Oh, boy, you got the wrong kinda fame lettin' her fall like gutter rain

I let it go the first time- but you should've abstained

You gotta girl- bein' angry with her over that isn't in your domain

You a sick ruler stickin' to your reign on a mountain of pain

Lettin' your heart freeze up and becomin' inhumane

Death by dibucaine and a buriel by lightin' propain would be too good for you

But what the hell do you expect a guy to do?

The more I'm tryin' the more she's callin' you,"boo,"

Whisperin' sweet nothin's in your ear

"Oh yeah babe, ya hear that? We got him mad- ya like that?"

Yeah, I see how it's goin' on

But when you realize what went wrong don't you expect to be crawlin' back to me

I ain't takin' it and you can take those fake acts with you as you walk back

I don't care if you like each other better than you like me

Get it in your head- if it wasn't for me none of us would be friends.




Guess that's the thanks I get for tryna help y'all out

But aight man I see how it is,

But don't you expect an apology.

This is going public.






Don't come beggin' to me








You'll get No Apologies

Can't you see? I'm through with you and you're through with me

You'll get No Apologies

My hate's as deep as the sea and it's smotherin' you so you can't breathe

You'll get No Apologies

I'll smash your teeth and bury you beneath me

You'll get No Apologies (No Apologies)






No Apologies for this crap I shouldn't have said

You'll just be another player dead

Copin' at the mouth with stuff that should've stayed in your head



No Apologies for you did to her and me

You get what I'm tryna say? No Apologies- in life to me you are death

No Apologies





You'll get No Apologies

Can't you see? I'm through with you and you're through with me

You'll get No Apologies

My hate's as deep as the sea and it's smotherin' you so you can't breathe

You'll get No Apologies

I'll smash your teeth and bury you beneath me

You'll get No Apologies (No Apologies)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1081 Reviews


Points: 220
Reviews: 1081

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 5:48 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review.

As TheOneNamedZoe said, don't try and hide this under poetry when it feels so heavily influenced by rap. I'm not saying that rap can't be gentle or that poetry can't be mad, but this is easily your rap style and voice.

Watchu think I owe you?

You think I should apologize?

Hell no.

Get outta here


Standard opening, didn't really find anything special with it, only thing I had to say is that it feels cliche and in the fourth line you need a period if you're going to keep up with punctuation.


"We ain't boys and we ain't homies,"

How true, wouldn't ya say?

We rap and play but at the end of the day we're still strangers

Sit in our chambers on our games and not understandin' the dangers

"You're the traitor," you say? How cliche- blamin' the other

Wack mindset stuck in decay- grab on the mic and blow it out your brains

Lettin' your anger spill- a dry rain in the heat of day


The rhyming here feels a little all over the place with where you decide to make rhymes. Some of them are in the middle of a line and others at the end and if you're going to rhyme, keep a pattern for it. You have two uses of quotation marks in six lines, and I think it should be more spread out or, you shouldn't be using the same reaction for basically the same thing "you say" and "wouldn't you say". The rhymes near the middle start to go offbeat and forced like "say", "cliche", and "decay".

The anger of this wears off fast due to you just repeating stuff by the end of this. It seems like you're trying to be angry, but all that comes off with the tone is it being aggressive in the way that it gets old quick. I liked the end of the chorus with the imagery of the teeth in the ground, but the rest of it didn't really do anything new for the idea of rap being angry and all the like.

My favorite part of this was the end of the first stanza or verse, as it had the most interesting anger, along with the imagery with lighting propane, but everything else just felt like a general mess of anger that didn't have any sort of bite to it. It didn't have any sort of pin-pointing that it had to do. The reader is left wondering what the person who this poem is addressed to actually /did/ because you never really bothered to critique them as a whole or critique their personality or actions as much as it would have been liked.

What I mean by the poem repeating itself by the end of the poem, is that the chorus adds nothing new and rather gets more tiring the more you reuse it. In your head, it must have looked like that you were reusing it with different thoughts in each stanza, but it didn't turn out that way. Rather, it got repetitive and repeated the same words over and over in a different way. The best time to use the same first line or first few lines is when you have some sort of original or different imagery to go with it afterwards, even messing around with the first line to change it as well.

That's all I had to say about this, I hope this helped and have a great day.




User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 174
Reviews: 22

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 4:28 pm
TheOneNamedZoe wrote a review...



Review time!

Well, starting it off bluntly, you might want to change the category to lyrical, dramatic. I can tell from the start that this is a rap, or at least lyrics to a song. If you don't change this, you may get bashed for the lack of punctuation, words like "Whatchu", etc.
Also, the spaces are waaaay too big. Try and shorten the paragraph breaks, because it seemed to take up two whole screens worth, as if it were a story. Which it probably is, but that is not the point. Lessen the paragraph spacing by just one space only.

Good luck with any future writing!





Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
— steampowered