Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Aight before I do this
I just want everyone to know
I didn't fuckin' start this
Back in the days when I was growin' up we had to respect
You got your ass whipped you took it like a man it's what everyone expects
Now you puny ass bitches are coppin' shit and thinkin' you're the fuckin' shit
You run your mouth and expect everyone to fuckin' act like you
What the fuck you think is on my mind?
You had me hook line and sinker
All I had was a bike and two blinkers
I was a thinkin' drinker before you made us kinkier
The fuck you think I'm gonna go balls out?
Nah you can suck it till you sprout a pussy willow and your face turns into a pout and watch me rageout
Fucked me and you pigged out now it's the blow out the fuck you thinkin' I'm gonna take it lyin' down like you were when we fucked and the only sound I could hear was your fuckin' vocal cords willin' out
"Did ya like that boo?"
Nah, fuck you too
You gonna ruin my life you better fuckin' try a little harder and push it through
Can't believe you thought you were gonna hurt me by sleepin' with him
Little fuckin' six incher I fuckin' feel sorry for him
he's stuck on a midget that goes half out
I'm fuckin' pushin' twenty,
the faggot's bustin' thirties door down
he needs to sit the fuck down and try for his fuckin' disability
go to the nursing home to find a bitch with some relatability
Chris I'm fuckin' talking to you, turn down that fuckin' Indie Pop and sit back and fuckin listen
you think my ass is just dissin' because i'm jealous?
Nah bitch where the fuck were you when I was puttin' a nine in what you called your fuckin' heavenly piece of mind
'In time she'll just be mine' fuck bitch you're runnin' out a time
It's your bitch on my damn dick shit I can't call it
What the fuck you expect her to do when I spit a lot better than you?
Oh shit you can't understand when I spit it fast
so let's slow the shit down
you meet me in real life just you and me
i'll fuck you up without a god damn crew
Fuckin' think you Eazy E wanna be before you pop off at the mouth towards someone who's on my fuckin' level, aw son
Let's get it back on track and show you somethin' so wick wack you're gonna need a stabilizer
Pop your fuckin' mood stabilizers and sip your god damn hand sanitizor
See how far you get playin' these sympathisers
Fuckin' woman up and quit playin' for sympathy
make seem real friends not based off a some sympathetic joke
You think I'm fuckin' jokin'?
I'm as serious as a fuckin' heartattack of a seventy year old vet chokin' on a piece of broken glass
You fuckin' stock piled Chucky Cheese tokens up your ass for all the shit you're coppin' out
You're fuckin' corny
What you think I'm just gonna continue saying 'I love you' for the rest of your fuckin' life?
Hah, I ain't fucked with that life since my almost-ex-wife
I had to put up with your fuckin' ass for over six months
Cup your fuckin' hands over your ears so you can hear this fuckin' dump
Lemme refresh your memory when you fuckin' said 'I want you'
It wasn't that long ago you were wantin' me in
Now you just gonna walk away and act like I threw us in the bin?
Nah let yourself believe what you want but I ain't the one going off constantly about bullshit that doesn't matter
Here put you're ear up to the speaker boo and I'll shatter what's left of us too
Like I've been goin' off on you for no reason all this time
I ain't angry I just think it's funny when I fuckin' bounce you in a few rhymes
Try to diss back- I don't think that's a wall you wanna climb
I'm outta my fuckin' mind man
Let me put it in a way you can understand
I ain't your superman
And you ain't my Liose Lane
So kick back and grab a six back and get over the fuckin' pain
I'll be over at ten with a fuckin' nine to the brain.
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138,301 Literary Works • 672,099 Reviews
Legacy here for a review.
Honestly, this reminds me of some older slim shady (good job, I love slim). I love the pacing you seem to have here and I think this would sound great on a track (please let me know if you ever put it on one because I would love to hear it).
Your content is graphic, but it is rated correctly so I won't go too far into that. I love the rhymes that you have here, and I think the whole rap is read with strong anger.
Overall this is a good rap (I was going to call it nice, but the content is not nice lol). I would love to hear this recorded. Good luck. Legacy.
This is Kayla here dropping in for a review on your latest rhyme spitting.
So, a mixtape of this would be fire, let's just get this out of the way. The only F-bomb here is that the flow is pretty phenomenal in how you manage to keep going with a consistent amount of rhymes. You do know that I have a distaste for the F-bomb, and it does appear pretty frequently in this rap as what seems to be filler, but for you, it works. I do have to agree with Lumi about the part regarding disability and even the throwing out of the other F-word is a little insensitive there.
Though it is your rap, it gives me a bit of distaste, the amount of sexual content and curse words that you manage to throw in here--I've always said that I'd like to see a more civil rap, but I guess if I want one so badly, I'd have to write it myself. There is one thing that is certain--you have a knack for rhyme, though in your later raps if you end up making them I would like to see what type of beats that you're playing underneath them with audio so I could try it out for myself over what the intended instrumentals are.
I guess I'm not exactly in the rap community or rap audience, but I saw this in the Green Room and wanted to take it down, and for what it is, I respect it, but as Lumi says, it gets a little gross. Would also like to hear you rap this to get a good idea for the actual sound. Trade in some of the distasteful imagery for something else, maybe some clever lyricism or wordplay that I'm trying to find more of? :p Anyways, it's solid for your demographic and audience, and I see it to have exceptional rhyming.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! I hope I helped, and have a great day.
So I am going to review rap because there's content here. Emotional content. But also far too much phallic imagery to constitute fairness. Let's talk about that?
So the way I see it, the best diss you pull out in the entire piece is your age comparison between yourself and the man the woman supposedly cheated on you with. Let's call him Spongebob.
While I dislike the disability line for its lack of context, and by extension lack of sensitivity for those who neeeeed disability, I get the diss and I understand it. But the age portion is what matters! Following the laaaarge amount of sexual content, this was set up rather flawlessly, I'd say; though I'd still complain about the sexual content. But it's rated right and it's your rap, so you rap on, bruh.
(I want to hear you rap this, by the by.)
The words you're looking for are 'six pack'.
The repeated 'nine to the brain' is very potent and impacts the reader/listener heavily, and I think it's likely the most powerful image in the piece as it shows a mighty consequence of fooling around behind your mate's back. Plus, it has buildup towards the end, so it doesn't come out of nowhere and therefore has context. So it's a plus.
All in all, Cas, this is actually well-written. Just maybe reconsider throwing in the phallic comparison. It doesn't make for a good read.
All the best,
Ty