Starin' out my window
I can see the leaves comin' down
and I'm reminded of the tears on that day
How do I tell you everything
when I dread the words I have to say
I can hear our hopes and dreams rainin' on the ground
It was a warm and clear July night
when I saw her for the first time
she was so young and beautiful
and she entrapped my mind
so I left you to be with her
and figured out things wouldn't work
no amount of apologies can bring back what we were
We gave it a while and figured we could work it out again
thinkin' we could be the same before this all began
and the first time you held my hand for a while
I held you close and kissed you gently, and you started to smile
I brought you back to that safe place where it all started
You were thinkin' the whole time that her and I parted
but the other night when you were asleep
that's who I ran to
I'm sleepin' in bed with her as a stranger,
but I'm thinkin' of you
It was a warm and clear July night
when I saw her for the first time
she was so young and beautiful
and she entrapped my mind
but I came back to you
when I found out we wouldn't work
Knowin' no amount of apologies can bring back what we were
I seem to spend my life in all the wrong places
Never really sober enough
to remember all their faces
but the one thing I can't forget
was the anguish in your voice
It was a warm and clear July night
when I saw her for the first time
she was so young and beautiful
she entrapped my mind
then I struck of by myself
and headed out to sea
with nothin' but this bottle of scotch
and your memory
It was a warm and clear July night
when I lost you
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello Casanova!
Sapphireluna back for another review.
As far as lyrics go, this was impressive. Trust me, I've tried writing lyrics, and they are all filled with "oh-oh"s and "yeah"s so this really puts me in perspective. I love when song writers use two basic lines from any place in the song and repeat them at the end. (In this case, I love where you wrote 'It was a warm and clear July night when I lost you.") Another thing I appreciate is how much these lyrics tell a story. I can really feel emotion here.
One piece constructive criticism I have for you:
I don't know if this is something that happens all the time, (this is my first lyric review...I'm a total newbie), but I was having trouble catching the tune of the song as I read. Knowing the genre may have helped with that, which was something else I couldn't quite specify. Like I said though, it may be completely normal to not be able to find the tune, I don't really know.
Anyways, hope this helped!
AWESOME JOB!!
XXX,
sapphireluna
Sup, Casanova! It's your girl, Caitlin; coming at you!
This was a great poem, Casanova; I really enjoyed reading it.
Anyway, I'm here to review this lovely piece of work, so lets get down to it.
I didn't notice grammar mistakes, so that's good. But I think that when you wrote starin', nothin', thinkin', it might have been better if you just wrote the whole word. In my opinion, poems are meant to be more "formal", so it might have been best if you had. But hey, we ALL make mistakes.
And that is a wrap, peace out fellow writers!
Keep writing!
It's a song, not a poem
Oh! I'm so sorry, I can be such an idiot sometimes. Again, sorry if that offended you
Nah I write poetry and lyrics both- but the styles are different and the lack of ,"g," in the ,"ING" words are intentional because that's how I talk/sing