I can hear you
I can see you
And every once in awhile
You know I can feel you
Lying beside me
Whispering in my ear
But what I can't do
Is be with you
I reach out
In the heat of the night
To feel your warmth but you're gone
You always stay a hairs breath away
Whether you're with me or not
I can't be with you
And I just say
Let the love flow through our veins
Open up and take away this pain
I know you want me
You know I want you
And all we have to do
Is let the flow through our veins
Open ourselves up
And give away this pain,
Let's take it back
To the way we were
To when you loved me
And hate was unheard
We were happy and free
Not a care in the world
But you went and left
And crumbled what we had
But even now I lie awake
And think back to what we are
Or what we were
And I know you felt something there too
I saw the fire behind your eyes
The first time we kissed
I saw the tears running down your face
When we said our final goodbyes
And we never had the chance
To let the love flow through our veins
To open and throw away our pain
I know you wanted me
And you know I wanted you
And all we had to do
Is let the love flow through our veins
Open ourselves up
And throw away this pain
Your love's a drug
I can't escape from
It's the nicotine I crave
Just to get through the day
It's the antidote
To the poison of life
It's everything I want
But we turned dark, and like night
We slowly fade into the distance
We slowly fade away
Because we didn't
Let the love
Flow through our veins
We poured it out
And our love took to a drought
I lost you
And you lost me
And we'll never
Let the love flow through our veins
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey Matt,
I loved this because it's so relateable and i ate this up. One thing I will say is the flow is a bit choppy. Try listening to a song you know well and use it's tone to write your songs to. It helps you write a better flowing song. Lyrics are poetry in the sense that you have different ways to write them. this here is free verse and it's great. Again listen to music you like and write to that tune, it does make a difference.
~Mem
Hello there! Writervid here to review!
I don't review song lyrics much, so I'm afraid that this will be a rather short review. However, I hope that I can be of some help.
The first thing I want to address is punctuation. I think that this piece could use some. Even though these are song lyrics, I do suggest that you add in some punctuation in order to guide your lyrics more.
I can hear you
I can see you
And every once in awhile
You know I can feel you
Lying beside me
Whispering in my ear
I think this opens well enough. The strange thing to me in this section in the head hopping. You start out with a very deliberate "I" and then head straight into "you know I can feel you". How does the I of this poem know that the "you" knows that?
You always stay a hairs breath away
Breath should be "breadth"
One thing I think you do a lot in this song is contradict yourself. You say that the couple lies beside each other and then they aren't together. You also state that the you part of the couple leaves, which implies someone leaving in the middle of the night, and then there's a goodbye kiss. This may just be me, but I found these things confusing. You may want to re-read this with fresh eyes and pick out those contradictions to edit.
I commend you on your transitions to the chorus. They're very well done.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more of a help. Happy Review Day, and have a nice day/night!