Even though there's many things I'd like to say
Even though there's many things I'd like to get out of the way
Can't say one without getting upset
Can't speak my mind without taking it
Way too far
Like kickin' a football out of the endzone when you're on fourth down and tied
The other team gets first down and you're runnin' out of time
What're you gonna do? Show up or fold
And my hand's tiltin' towards the table
A happy ending in this would sure be a fable
My cards hit the table face-up
And the blank look on my face isn't enough
To show you I'm done
It's not enough
To put away the smoking guns
And where are we at at the end of the day?
Playin' Russian roulette with a loaded nine
Who's head the bullet goin' to? I hope it's mine
But the look of blank apathy is in everything you see
And blank apathy is the only thing you see of me
You don't see
the pain underneath the surface
You don't see
My emotions when I pull down the curtains
I know you think I'm some beast going through anthropomorphous
But I'm a lot more than that, don't think I'm actin' this way on purpose
It's a defense mechanism that stops doesn't allow my pain to show
A defense mechanism that stops you from learnin' thing you don't wanna know
I take one look at my feelin's and just mouth,"Go,"
And you think they run away
But they don't, they're still here with me
But you won't ever see
That
I'm broken in love
Broke to the point of no return
Feelings don't matter
When your hearts shattered
Happiness isn't included
When her kiss made your blood diluted
You look at the memories and begin to solute
One last goodbye before it's absolute
How can you deal with things, when your heart's in a rotation
Pulling away from everyone, your heart's never clear and you won't have relaxation
But what do you do? You don't say a word, you hate the way you start reactin',
When people are kicking you into the dirt about it
When people are yellin' it your face, and you wanna care about it
But you can't, to do so would hurt you
You can't, to hurt them would destroy you
You're stuck in apathy,
Same as me
Always wantin' to care, but never bein' able to
Always wantin' to sympathize, but you can't- it's the only you can make it through
So to compensate you beat yourself up
One scar or a hundred, it's never enough
They don't see the scars you're layin' every where
And does anyone ask? No, they never dared
The burns
The cuts
They see you as an apathetic jerk who they can rant about
What they don't see your heart is screamin', in a love and hate bout
Tearin' you up on the inside
On the outside you never cried
And you feel if you ever told them
About the way you felt
They'd run and hide
You never dealt
With someone who accepted you,it's nigh
Impossible, you think, that someone like that exists
And we're both stranded here thinkin'
Why
I'm broken in love
Broke to the point of no return
Feelings don't matter
When your hearts shattered
Happiness isn't included
When her kiss made your blood diluted
You look at the memories and begin to solute
One last goodbye before it's absolute
Alone
That's what we thought
Bein' beatin', torn and broken
Yeah, that's the kinda love we bought
Just so they don't see us for what we are
Just so they can't see us go too far.
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Canary word: Present
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138,314 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
Hello there, Casanova.
This is Moonwatcher here with a review!
Now, I'm going to assume this is rap based simply on the style, and lyrics (especially rap) aren't something I'm an expert about so correct me if I'm wrong about anything. Now, I do have to agree that you should list more about the style somewhere, which could help the reader imagine how this would be presented.
I'm not too big of a fan of rhyme, and since I know your personal stance on rhyme (and you may have seen mine before, as well) I won't really touch on that. I'm adding it into this review anyway just to give you something to ponder about. Lumi said something below about the rhyme that I agree with, but I will congratulate you on the flow that the rhyme creates.
Your writing style isn't something I've really gotten used to when it comes to lyrics. I don't really like the whole "beatin'" "kickin'" "yellin'" sort of thing because it makes me visualize some farmer singing a country song. I assume that this rap isn't meant to sound like a country song. I'm aware of the fact that this is also something associated with hip hop, but it's just a personal opinion.
I understand that you can rap pretty quickly, and quick is the vibe that I get from this, but some slowing down would be nice. Some of your thoughts are clustered up into larger portions than others which doesn't work out too nicely, and could be hard to keep up with during presentation.
Again, I'm not a big expert on lyrics, so my apologies if you think something was misjudged. I hope my review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^
"Happiness isn't included / When her kiss made your blood diluted" is absolutely the best line you've written in a set of lyrics thus far.
Let's talk about approach and the amount of content you give for the amount of content you give. That makes sense - or it will.
I would not post lyrics to this site--and I've been tempted in the past because I have written them--without giving details about the song itself in my head. Its genre, tempo, mood, heck, even the chords, instruments, beats it would use.
And I'd go as far as to give a recording for the reader's sake--because we've discussed this before, and we'll discuss it again: reading lyrics is not valuable. Without music or a recording or the spoken voice, lyrics on a page are just poetry slam-bound to stringent rhymes.
Sure, you've got some decent content here, but you don't give us the added effort to let us fully enjoy the process. I know there are lyricists on YWS who would devour your work [not always positively] if they were given something to chew on in the way of style, rhythm, speed, voice, sound.
You do rap, that should be easy.
Beyond that, 9/10 rhymes are weak and brittle and were rush jobs. I applaud your mind for rhyme, but speed doesn't equate to quality. Remember that. Please. I want to see you succeed.
Ty
Hey Cas. You can always talk to me if you need to. I'll listen always. Don't matter what time of day or night ti is. Just hit me up on chat or the lounge. Or PM me if you ever wanna talk.