Now can you hear me?
Yesterday you couldn't even see me
Can you hear it now since your name's in my songs?
What happened to our love?
Why is it gone?
Things just don't seem the same
The wild spirit inside you I just couldn't tame
I ain't pointin' fingers or placin' blame
In a couple years I probably won't even remember your name
Jane, Marie, Brittany?
Ugh, it's done gone
I guess that's what happens when we let our love run cold
It snowed, rained, and poured while our doors and windows were open
You have me strandin' here hopin'
That one day this could change
But you're the one that got away
Ugh, screw it
Put my all into it
You just left
Without a beat in my heart
The lyrics in my soul you tore apart
You took 'em straight to the chopin' block
Hammer, ax, hatchet
Hacked 'em to pieces and wouldn't stop
You were always in the spotlight
Beggin' for attention
We all gathered 'round you
For your intervention
I know I hurt you
But that was not my intention
The love we had?
It was nothin' but fiction
A bunch of lies seen on a screen and written on paper
I know I once said that i could never hate her
Guess I haven't gotten over it
I do have a little blame left to law
I got plenty of things to say
You remember that day we were holdin' hands
Talking and laughing-b dreaming of going to distant lands
All you had to do was say the words and I'd of been there
But instead I'm stuck here
Wonderin' if you're going to call
And not havin' the balls to call you
Up and tell you I want you back
The pain of missin' you is worse than a heart attack
I pray for a release
Something to put me out of my misery and so I wont remember our history
But it's too far gone for me
I once believed iin destiny
But now that you've gone and wrecked me
I'm drownin' in a sea of despair I can't escape from
And the memory of you sayin' you love me is pullin' me under
It's ringing in my ears- a majestic thunder storm
Tryin' to breathe but this insecurities are smotherin' me
Bein' haunted to the brink of the earth's core
I'm doin' everything possible to fill the void where you were
I guess I'm just tryin' to replace you
Doin' everythin' I can to deface you
Tearin' you down from the pedestal I put you on
So I started writin' and puttin' you in my songs
To make sure your memory wasn't gone
And give you a legacy that carried through my voice
And you had the chance to pay
For your mistakes
But you keep takin' it back to the way it used to be
But we can't be the same as we were
We can't go back to it anymore
That's why
When one door shuts
Another door
Opens
To the light
No more darkness
No more night
Try
With all your might
Try
To fight
Try
For what you know is right
Don't let them get you down, push you to the ground
Don't let them turn you around
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey there Crowley. It's just Lizz dropping by on her weekend to leave you a review because she feels bad.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1hNh1ImLVMR
Okay so I want to tell you that this recording is crap because I was trying to sing without my parents realize I was singing. I used this tune for most of it with a mixture of dancing in the moon light.
Spoiler
The reason why I don't read most of your stuff is because it either has to do with romance, your past girlfriend, a current girl friend, or just some girl in general. You've known me long enough to know I don't review romance and I certainly don't do romantic poetry. But hey it's lyrics, and they're always written about either love or drugs, so.
I'm really trying not to offend your capitalization style but boy, it makes your pieces so annoying to read. I mean each and every single line doesn't need a caps unless that's your style. I guess that makes it cool it just seems to drive people away to me. Consult some actual poetry person on that but I guess it just all depends on the reader's taste. I'm not going to leave very comments on this specific comments because I plan on using it later on in another review.
I'm not sure of the formatting of lyrics but it seemed a bit odd that you switched from these neat little stanzas, to completely joined together, madhouse of 20 lines things. It didn't really hurt the lyrics that badly it just made it really hard to read through. I kept losing my spot and interest in the poem but then I remembered how badly I wanted that blue star.
So I mean, this is another stylistic thing but as I tell the newbs here,
"Don't just write the poem the way you like, write it so people will actually read it."
Another critique. What's with all the 'ughs'? This is something that actually did mess up the flow of your lyric things because I had to keep stopping and try and work the tune around them. They just don't seem to work in any manner with the flow and I don't really think they're necessary. Do what you will with this opinion but you were alright with me murdering you.
I mean, overall the emotion that you send out is pretty good and pretty depressing. Is it based on true events and should I be a bit more worried for your ever increasing insanity? Or was this just some weird set of lyrics that sort related to a relationship you had once? I'm not really sure so there's a lot of things that make it weird and confusing.
Well I guess that's really all I have for now. I'd stab you a bit more but I plan on being a serial killer so I have to save some of this for my next review of your lyrics.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
8 days till the 1 year mark
yeah, real events.
yeah, real events.
I personally love this! Love because I got a stand up poetry vibe from this.
I admire the way you write and how you stick to a rhyme scheme that isn't corny.
This part i specially loved: I ain't pointin' fingers or placin' blame
In a couple years I probably won't even remember your name
Jane, Marie, Brittany?
Ugh, it's done gone"
You however had one mistake, which was :
Tryin' to breathe but this insecurities are smotherin' me
Instead of "this" it should be " these" .
Other than that, those were some great lyrics!keep it up!
-M.