Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
These monsters man
They just don't know what they doin' to their kids
It's like they want to destroy them
A fuckin' dad beatin' his daughter
If she starts screamin' he just hits her harder
He ain't carin' that she has school the next day
He doesn't give a fuck the he should love her in every way
he's just beatin' to feel better about himself
just one weird glance and she knows he's gettin' the belt
"Oh, it's alright, it's not like this all the time."
In truth she doesn't give a damn, she knows his words aren't kind
He said he loved her and that he'll always take care of her
But where the fuck was he after he beat he black and blue
Hangin' out with buddies down at the bar
Sleepin' around on her mom while borrowing her car
She doesn't care about the hell he's got her in
In her fucked up mind the only thing that counts is that she loves him
Her mom's makin' her do the chores because she's younger
Beatin' on Max, oh that's her little brother
He's only four but he's red all over as if he's got an itch
He learned from his older sister never to call their mom a bitch
Though it's true it's just something he shouldn't say
Even at his young age home's the one place he doesn't feel safe
Even at his young age he's lookin' for a place to escape
Jump a head a decade
Those bruises he had when he was four are startin' to fade
he's older know but he's not a grown man
his dad doesn't beat on him- his dad's dead
killed while drivin' drunk on the highway
thinkin' if he ever had to go out it would be his way
Now his mama was abusive
even though she was smaller than he was
All she ever did was make excuses
he asked her why and she said,"just because."
His sister, now sixteen, ended up pregnant by the guy across the street
he was shootin' up one day thought he'd raise his hand to her
she jabbed him with a knife without missin' a beat
Cops came and took her away
She only got manslaughter but she couldn't see her baby for a decade
they all wanted out but didn't think it'd be this way
Max didn't know what he could do
He started takin' to gangs just to get himself through
He stopped school and started dealin' in drugs
He started beatin' the shit out of people as if they were bugs
The man he group up hatin' become clear in the mirror
He didn't get out when he had the chance, a mistake was never drearier
He's turnin' twenty one now, doin' life in prison
He killed a man over some food, but it was his decision
everytime he looks in the mirror he can see his dad's face
and everytime he goes to bed his mind begins to race
If there's one thing his sister told him before she was sent to jail
It's to not do the things their parents did
if he couldn't afford the bail.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hello, I'm here to review your lyrics.
When I read your lyrics, I get the vibe of depression. Its like you were very depressed when you wrote this. Either way, you put a lot of feeling into this. The imagery was easy to see, the abuse that the older sister and the son got was easy to get a visual of. This song showed how abuse can change someones life in the future, and I think that this is a really amazing song that you wrote.
The last line you wrote "If there's one thing his sister told him before she was sent to jail It's to not do the things their parents did if he couldn't afford the bail." I think that the reason the sister told him to that was because if he did the same things their parents did then he would have to face greater cost that he couldn't afford.
Anyway, I really liked this, Keep up the good work!
~Namjoon~
Hello, Mem here to be your annoying older sister and give you a review on something touching again. (dont touch me)
Sometimes i feel like you capture my childhood, and im not talking from my own personal experiances. Im talking about what I grew up seeing around me. You have this way, where you capture things that actually do happen in our world today. Do i think you can tweak this to make it rhyme in some areas? Yes of course I do but you have your own style and I'm merely here to tell you what i liked or hated about this song. You captured the mood of what it's like to grow up in a ghetto. The bad side of town. These kinds of thigs happened a lot. We had people killing each other in self defense, we had children ripped from their mothers when the mothers defended their children. The list goes on and I think your last line can make someone change their mind.
~Keep writing
~Mem
Hey there! Kitten here for a review!
So there are a few things I noticed. Not a lot don't worry
"If she starts screamin' "
you need a comma after screamin'
"He doesn't give a fuck the he should love her in every way"
the part where it says "the he" I think you may have meant something else. It just doesn't really sound right.
"But where the fuck was he after he beat he black and blue"
did you mean "her" on the second "he" ?
"In her fucked up mind"
you need a comma after mind.
"Jump a head a decade"
You don't need a space between a and head
"everytime he looks in the mirror he can see his dad's face
and everytime he goes to bed his mind begins"
Both of the "everytime" needs a space in between them.
that's all. But if this is an actual story i hope you end up with help, but if this is just what's on my mind, you can always talk to me if needed.