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Leaving Blue

by 4revgreen


(This is about me growing up and starting each new school: Yellow was my infant school shirt colour, Orange was my Junior school and Blue is my current Senior school. I'm British so all schools have uniforms}

I started out as a bright yellow,

And a red cardigan draped over me

With a little logo, a picture of a church

Standing tall, next to the sea

.

For three years I played

In the concrete jungle land

With my long blonde pigtails

Glowing in the sun, like sand

.

Then I moved on to orange

Better suited with the maroon

Which I pulled on every morning

Along with my new black shoes

.

The jungle had grown bigger

And inevitably, so had my height

Playing tag, on the field, in the fresh cut grass

Those awful green stains, gave my mum a fright

.

My last year of orange quickly approached

And then the last day of grey pleated skirts

My year six class room look so tiny now

I'd never guessed that the move would hurt

.

Now I am dark navy and older still

I stare up in awe and fear at the maze of blue

Now finding the way to classrooms by myself

A definite way of finding my natural hue

.

Five years have passed, everyday learning

Something new, making new friends

Arguments, disagreements, fights

But now my time here is nearing an end

.

One day soon I will step out of that exam hall

Shrug off my old blue blazer, leave

My school crest behind me, a memory

Along with yellow and orange, I grieve

.

A new colour will be approaching soon

Beginning of September, I leave behind

The singled coloured uniforms of past years

And instead, the multicoloured world I will find


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Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:21 am
Honora wrote a review...



Wow...4revgreen. I seriously don't know how you make your writing so relatable.
This poem hit me hard. I find it very truthful and kind of sad in a way. I'm only 15 so I won't be leaving home for a while (I home school) but this poem really makes me love and cherish what I have. It makes me appreciate everything that is done for me or everything that isn't.
Good job! It literally took my breath away.
The only thing I found a little weird, is the seventh stanza. It just didn't flow as well as the others. Don't know what it was about it but there was something off.
Anyway, well done! It was really well done and it's very appreciative! :)
Your friend,
Honora




4revgreen says...


Thank you so much! I'm going to rework that stanza hopefully



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Thu Apr 11, 2019 3:40 pm
Sid16 says...



It was really a great poem.
Although I usually don't like reading poems about leaving or sacrifice I still like this one.
The way you used colours to describe various things is great. You could work on your rhyme scheme.
I'm waiting for your next one.




4revgreen says...


thank you!



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Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:42 am
JabberHut wrote a review...



Hey, friend!

I really liked your poem. I have this soft spot for colors and weaving them into poetic description and imagery. I think people underestimate the power of colors and how our psyches can react to them. In this case, it may be based more on real life, but it still worked incredibly well differentiating levels of education. Even better that they correlate with the yellow/blue/red primary colors. Basically, it was clever! Well done. :D

My favorite is most definitely your first two verses on primary school. Maybe children and their innocence is just so relaxing to write, I don't know, but I think you portrayed this level well by jumping straight into recess time on the playground and the pigtails addition was just too adorable. <3 I really loved how you kept the yellow theme going by mentioning the blonde, comparing it to the sand, mentioning the sun. It just really stood out as such a cheerful, joyful, innocent time in your life. I just loved it.

I wish I understood what the maroon meant in the third stanza introducing orange. This feels like a clever line that's going over my head, sadly.

I think the part that needs a little tweaking is the section on senior school, introducing the blue uniform. The rhythm starts to get off a bit in some of the lines (by the way, your rhythm/rhyming has been stellar!).

There's a line there about finding your "natural hue," and this feels like such a deep message that could really get its own poem, or its own stanza at the very least. It just felt so strong and powerful in a stanza that wasn't really leading up to it, it was like a smack in the face that never explained itself after. Just smacked me and left.

The other two stanzas definitely had some weird rhythm going between lines too. It's actually very interesting if it wasn't so different from the rest of the poem, which was a lot more structured and straightforward. That's my only qualm about it. It was jarring after the smooth and simple flow before it.

The last stanza can potentially be your most powerful. I can see the direction your heading, but it does need some rephrasing for a bigger impact.

I love what you have here, and it can definitely be a stellar piece after some tweaking here and there. It was so freaking clever using the colors to distinguish the stages of growth. Yellow being young and cheerful, orange being awkward and forgotten between stages, and blue being calm and sad as you look to the future.

Well done, and keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




4revgreen says...


Thank you for the review! With the maroon, i just meant my school jumper was now maroon, so not that clever.
I see what you mean about impact and I will definitely have a go at reworking the poem :-) Thank you again!



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Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:15 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPheonix here to had a few words about your poem, I'll make it short.

Okay so the first thing is that I love that you related this poem to yourself, I've done that with one of my poems, and it really helps getting the emotions you want to get out, out on the page, and you have done just that so great job.
I'm not British so I didn't know about all these different colored uniforms you had to wear at each school, so I found out something knew out of reading this poem.
I also think your name is rather fitting, and it got me interested when I saw this is the Green Room.
The flow of the poem was spot on, and I like that you didn't try to rime all the words, by doing that I don't think you would have got across what you wanted to say.

So amazing job and I look forward to reading and reviewing another one of your poems sometime. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




4revgreen says...


Thank you so much for the review!





You're welcome. :)



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351 Reviews


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Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:11 am
FlamingPhoenix says...



Hello, FlamingPheonix here to had a few words about your poem, I'll make it short.

Okay so the first thing is that I love that you related this poem to yourself, I've done that with one of my poems, and it really helps getting the emotions you want to get out, out on the page, and you have done just that so great job.
I'm not British so I didn't know about all these different colored uniforms you had to wear at each school, so I found out something now out of reading this poem.






Sorry about this, i pressed the send button by mistake.




Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller