(This is about me growing up and starting each new school: Yellow was my infant school shirt colour, Orange was my Junior school and Blue is my current Senior school. I'm British so all schools have uniforms}
I started out as a bright yellow,
And a red cardigan draped over me
With a little logo, a picture of a church
Standing tall, next to the sea
.
For three years I played
In the concrete jungle land
With my long blonde pigtails
Glowing in the sun, like sand
.
Then I moved on to orange
Better suited with the maroon
Which I pulled on every morning
Along with my new black shoes
.
The jungle had grown bigger
And inevitably, so had my height
Playing tag, on the field, in the fresh cut grass
Those awful green stains, gave my mum a fright
.
My last year of orange quickly approached
And then the last day of grey pleated skirts
My year six class room look so tiny now
I'd never guessed that the move would hurt
.
Now I am dark navy and older still
I stare up in awe and fear at the maze of blue
Now finding the way to classrooms by myself
A definite way of finding my natural hue
.
Five years have passed, everyday learning
Something new, making new friends
Arguments, disagreements, fights
But now my time here is nearing an end
.
One day soon I will step out of that exam hall
Shrug off my old blue blazer, leave
My school crest behind me, a memory
Along with yellow and orange, I grieve
.
A new colour will be approaching soon
Beginning of September, I leave behind
The singled coloured uniforms of past years
And instead, the multicoloured world I will find
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140,101 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Wow...4revgreen. I seriously don't know how you make your writing so relatable.
This poem hit me hard. I find it very truthful and kind of sad in a way. I'm only 15 so I won't be leaving home for a while (I home school) but this poem really makes me love and cherish what I have. It makes me appreciate everything that is done for me or everything that isn't.
Good job! It literally took my breath away.
The only thing I found a little weird, is the seventh stanza. It just didn't flow as well as the others. Don't know what it was about it but there was something off.
Anyway, well done! It was really well done and it's very appreciative!
Your friend,
Honora
Thank you so much! I'm going to rework that stanza hopefully
It was really a great poem.
Although I usually don't like reading poems about leaving or sacrifice I still like this one.
The way you used colours to describe various things is great. You could work on your rhyme scheme.
I'm waiting for your next one.
thank you!
Hey, friend!
I really liked your poem. I have this soft spot for colors and weaving them into poetic description and imagery. I think people underestimate the power of colors and how our psyches can react to them. In this case, it may be based more on real life, but it still worked incredibly well differentiating levels of education. Even better that they correlate with the yellow/blue/red primary colors. Basically, it was clever! Well done.
My favorite is most definitely your first two verses on primary school. Maybe children and their innocence is just so relaxing to write, I don't know, but I think you portrayed this level well by jumping straight into recess time on the playground and the pigtails addition was just too adorable. <3 I really loved how you kept the yellow theme going by mentioning the blonde, comparing it to the sand, mentioning the sun. It just really stood out as such a cheerful, joyful, innocent time in your life. I just loved it.
I wish I understood what the maroon meant in the third stanza introducing orange. This feels like a clever line that's going over my head, sadly.
I think the part that needs a little tweaking is the section on senior school, introducing the blue uniform. The rhythm starts to get off a bit in some of the lines (by the way, your rhythm/rhyming has been stellar!).
There's a line there about finding your "natural hue," and this feels like such a deep message that could really get its own poem, or its own stanza at the very least. It just felt so strong and powerful in a stanza that wasn't really leading up to it, it was like a smack in the face that never explained itself after. Just smacked me and left.
The other two stanzas definitely had some weird rhythm going between lines too. It's actually very interesting if it wasn't so different from the rest of the poem, which was a lot more structured and straightforward. That's my only qualm about it. It was jarring after the smooth and simple flow before it.
The last stanza can potentially be your most powerful. I can see the direction your heading, but it does need some rephrasing for a bigger impact.
I love what you have here, and it can definitely be a stellar piece after some tweaking here and there. It was so freaking clever using the colors to distinguish the stages of growth. Yellow being young and cheerful, orange being awkward and forgotten between stages, and blue being calm and sad as you look to the future.
Well done, and keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thank you for the review! With the maroon, i just meant my school jumper was now maroon, so not that clever.
Thank you again!
I see what you mean about impact and I will definitely have a go at reworking the poem
Hello, FlamingPheonix here to had a few words about your poem, I'll make it short.
Okay so the first thing is that I love that you related this poem to yourself, I've done that with one of my poems, and it really helps getting the emotions you want to get out, out on the page, and you have done just that so great job.
I'm not British so I didn't know about all these different colored uniforms you had to wear at each school, so I found out something knew out of reading this poem.
I also think your name is rather fitting, and it got me interested when I saw this is the Green Room.
The flow of the poem was spot on, and I like that you didn't try to rime all the words, by doing that I don't think you would have got across what you wanted to say.
So amazing job and I look forward to reading and reviewing another one of your poems sometime. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thank you so much for the review!
You're welcome.
Hello, FlamingPheonix here to had a few words about your poem, I'll make it short.
Okay so the first thing is that I love that you related this poem to yourself, I've done that with one of my poems, and it really helps getting the emotions you want to get out, out on the page, and you have done just that so great job.
I'm not British so I didn't know about all these different colored uniforms you had to wear at each school, so I found out something now out of reading this poem.
Sorry about this, i pressed the send button by mistake.