(sorry for any typos, I'm on my phone having to type this up as my laptop isn't working ugh. This is something I wrote in English ad we have to study Macbeth for our exams. The 'he' is macbeth 'she' is lady macbeth and the king is duncan)
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Blood-slick thick-skinned dripping palms
Slip over the handle of the blade in his arms
Made by the serpent to fight, whether wrong or right
His king's dear slumber drifts off into the night
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A peaceful sleep so holy, rich and deep
Looked out upon by God's own Shepard's sheep
High above the clouds he stirs
There's husbandry in heaven, but the decision was hers
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He holds the knife out in front;
A skilled and boastful lonely hunt
Alone in the room with an angel of death
What hath you done, brave and noble Macbeth?
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No God, no king or queen only his screams
Internal anguish, a spouses battle in his demon dreams
Is this a dagger he sees before his eyes?
Stars, hold your fires as he watches her father die
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a few things to say about your poem, and to help get it out the green room.
I'm glad to say I didn't see anything wrong with the poem. I thought it was written really well, so well the emotion in your writing you wanted to get across did, and it was very powerful. What I'm trying to say was this poem was deep very deep, and I really liked it. But that's not the only thing I liked. I though the riming was really well done, and made it even better.
I thought the length was a really good choice too, I didn't feel like you were trying to stretch out the poem. Your word choice was also really good along with your punctuation.
Everything was just spot on, and I hope I will get to see more works like this from you soon. Because I just loved reading this and getting a chance to review it too. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
thank you so much!!
You're welcome!!
Hi @4revgreen , Rav3nB1ack here!
Literally just saw Macbeth and immediately clicked it because I remembered that I loved to study that book when I was in school! It's such a good play! However, I don't remember much of it - whether that will be a bad thing or not I will see as I read this
I'll review this as I go along
I love how you use rhyming couplets throughout the poem, rarely breaking that pattern. It gives it a consistent rhythm and allows the poem to flow smoothly. Also since there's that consistence to the pattern, as the reader I expect it to continue that way.
In regards to the pattern, did you perhaps think of breaking it to disrupt the flow and highlight the importance of a specific stanza or line? I think that would be an interesting idea to work with.
I don't know if you did the number of stanzas on purpose or this was just a coincidence, but I love that there's 4 because the number four is known to symbolise completion and in this poem it's as if from the beginning to the end, the story becomes full circle. I like that!
Overall, this was an interesting read and a fun re-visit to a play I had to study back when I was in school xD
ahh thank you for the review! Yeah I love studying Macbeth too!