my arms flail and my efforts fail
i can't stop the wail from escaping my lips
because the disappointment i feel is only increased
by the likeliness that i will not heal from this
only sometimes they do what they have been told
and the shoulders that hold my head stay somewhat still
many minutes will pass without a single thought
and then the muscles contract for my involuntary kill
my limbs then seemingly commit crimes on their own
the shrug, the jerk, the lone and solitary twitch
a match that wont light however many times i strike
an irresistible scratch or bite or an itch
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Canary word: Present
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Hi again! I am literally just binge reviewing your stuff
This was really good just like all your other work. I don't know how you do it but I can always feel what you're trying to get across. Well, since you are getting it across I shouldn't say trying but whatever.
The only line I would nitpick is in the very last stanza, "a match that wont light however many times i strike" I found it didn't flow as well. Maybe it's just me but I figured I would point it out anyway!
In all, it was really good and this must suck! I mean, I would literally go insane if I had to deal with that! I'm sorry you have to!
Your friend,
Honora
ahh thank you so much for reviewing
It's not as bad as I made it out to be in the poem, but it does drive me crazy sometimes lmao
Whatever...it still must suck!
Review here: This made me so sad for you, not having control of your body or movements sounds really tough and you did a great job portraying the struggle. The poem flowed really well and I liked the formatting. My only suggestion would mostly be a couple of grammatical things here and there, but that’s really just nitpicking.
thank you
means a lot