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Hi, 4revgreen! I am reviewing this for the Checklist Challenge <3
Love this as an opening! It feels conversational, but the 'again' at the end suggests this person has never really disappeared from the narrator's mind completely. I have always loved when poets evoke dreams in poetry, and this is exactly why I love it -- the idea that someone resurfaces in a dream is beautiful and painful.
I also really enjoy these lines! The line break before 'ahead' works so well, because it visually makes the word feel one step away from the rest of the sentence. And then 'Always.' being isolated is so loaded in the scheme of the poem. It tells me so much about the relationship dynamic, that this wasn’t just a dream-version of the person but how the narrator has always experienced them. I also really like the use of space on the page!
I'm picking up that the narrator has deeply negative feelings toward the other person, but I also get a sense it isn't COMPLETELY rooted in spite/hate. The constant reminiscent tone makes me think that there is an element of "I feel bad that this happened between us because I can't forget you" that isn't entirely vengeful. I like how that ties into how the narrator thinks they are the one advancing, the one holding the blade, but the poem gradually reveals that the other person has always understood them better than they realized. That is a really cool idea, even if I am off with my interpretation!
Though, right now, I do have questions about the title? What I’d think about is how much mystery you want around the word girlhood. I do like that the title complicates the poem, but the body of the poem could maybe connect to it a little more directly. I personally think the title does a lot of interpretive work, which can be really effective, but I think there’s also room to weave in some hint of youth/girlhood/the kind of closeness that forms when people grow up around each other. Am I understanding correctly that the Caesar/Brutus allusion is meant to represent some betrayal? I could see that working with teenage girlhood, though I think the connection could benefit from being stronger!
Overall, this is a very elegant poem! I know it is a few years old, but I hope that it is even the tiniest bit helpful in retrospect ^-^ If you ever revise it, let me know!
Aislynn
You really nailed it with your interpretation! And your feedback is incredibly helpful
I think with the title, I wasn’t sure what to call it so I settled on something simple. The idea came from a toxic friendship I had that I think a lot of girls have experienced and it also consumed my girlhood. I was obsessed with historical figures and I’m not sure why they linked in my mind aside from being stabbed in the back seemed to me like a very bitchy girl friendship XD
Hey!
I love this with all my heart. I think you just captured everything so perfectly. "I wore my heart on my back. Thats how you got me so quickly" That just hits hard. Like you can actually visualise it, and then "You don't wear yours at all" it's just like you're trying to find a way to hurt them back but it feels imposible. And then you emphasise the betrayal "But I know you just knew me too well." You're just painting the portrait of betrayal.
i'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for your kind words
Spark here again!
oh wow I love this one even more than fairy dust, excellent, excellent, excellent.
I think you can definitely tell you've been drawing inspiration from childhood memories and people, and it is such an effective narrative and the nostalgia of it is absolutely delightful. I loved this one's, especially drawing on the Caesar/Brutus dynamic with the narrator as Brutus. So good.
There's some pretty complicated dynamics here that I think are important to recognize analyzing this poem. First and foremost, the narrator always being "behind" the other, trying to keep up but always failing to do so. Oh, and also, the implications of having a reoccurring theme of dreaming that the narrator is suddenly re-xperiencing for the first time in years. The second stanza is really where we get into the juicy part of the narrative, and I really enjoy the motifs of wearing your heart on your back instead of on your sleeve. Then, we get a slight shift in perspective when we find out that Caesar has been the one to attack in the past, and it is only now that we understand that Brutus has some type of motive of revenge/regaining power over himself. The last two lines bring it home so well because of the previous themes.
Honestly, one of my main critiques is that I think this poem could be longer. You could expand almost every part of it and it would be so, so, so powerful. Here are some of the thoughts I'm having of ways you could introduce new imagery along the same thematics as these.
- talking more about the heart on the back, maybe something about shields
- where Caesar's heart might have went/where he keeps it since he doesn't wear his at all
- possibly why some might say Caesar has eyes in the back of his head
My thoughts here are pretty simple, I am sure you could take them in a really beautiful direction.
Also
this formatting is a little clunky to me, I think because of where you chose to split the lines.
Otherwise, another great poem. Nice work!
xxo
Spark
Hello 4evergreen! Incoming review!
This gives off the image that Caesar was trying to be one step ahead with the knife as you state in the second stanza. But Brutus was known for having a major hand in Caesar's assassination. Of course, I could be uneducated about the finite details about what happened on the Ides of March, but it still confused me a bit.This strikes me as when someone stabs you in the back and you were such great companions. The titular theme of girlhood reminds me of how girls are stereotyped as these cruel beings who will turn on anyone who gets in the way of them being "prom queen" or whatever other nonsense. With that said, on with the review!
I'll start with critiques.
The themes with Caesar and Brutus was a little bit muddy.
But that was all the critique I really had, time to praise your work!
This was a chilling cold open. I've had similar experiences of someone who had done me so wrong coming back into my mind because of a nightmare. The formatting also made it interesting. I did something similar in one of my own poems and I was wondering why you version worked so much better than my own. It's because of the formatting. Good job on using it well!
Oh goodness. This touches upon how cold blooded those old friends could have been. It's almost putting me into fight or flight mode because of how accurate this is. The sheer bitterness in the lines that imply that you could have avoided this too if you had been stone cold too. It's chilling.
Such a simple yet haunting end to a fantastic piece of poetry! I can almost sense regret in the line. It exudes such raw emotion that I can't even describe. The work had each line pack a punch and it was impactful. I'll definitely be reading this over again at some point.
But that's all I have for today, I hope you found some of this useful. Have a great day/night and keep on writing. Anyway byeeeeeeeeee<3
thank you so much!
as for the caeser/brutus line, i'm not sure i made it totally clear perhaps. The speaker usually has the dream where she is caeser and gets stabbed in the back by her friend who is brutus. this time, the dream was reversed. and the speaker got to be brutus; she wanted to get her revenge on her friend, but in this dream, caeser was actually a step ahead of brutus and managed to avoid being stabbed; something the speaker could never do.
<3
ohhh that makes a lot more sense now. And woah that makes the poem even more powerful!