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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hi,
Great job with the structure. It makes the reader really curious and want to read it right away.
For me, the two most vivid images in this poem are blood and the spiders creeping into the character's mouth. The last line adds a tragic poignancy to the poem. Even though it is just a few lines, I think the poem gets its point across effectively. Keep writing!
Hello!
Not gonna lie, I read the last line as "deppirt" like a clown. Other than that, this poem was clear and the flow was easy to flow! I can't help but wonder if this is about a specific character? If not, it is still a great poem. There is something awfully creepy about this poem, the line "But into her mouth the spiders have crept..." is my evidence. The use of structure was well done, too.
Great work!
LCP ✻
thank you so much! it wasn't about a specific character but i wrote it around the same time i wrote a short story about domestic abuse so that was the inspiration <3
This poem was incredible??
Firstly, the formatting was very distinctive, and it really helped to get across the point of each stair that she looks down- the stairs are evident throughout the poem as something that haunts her, something she can't stop thinking about. A very interesting way to get that point across!!
Second, the words are incredibly well written, and they set the scene and perfectly depict the horror of the situation, the terror that lies in everything when you can't even be safe in your own home. I really loved the line, "Into her mouth the spiders have crept". It sent shivers up my spine and truly conveyed the point of the poem for me.
Overall, this was a great poem!! You should definitely be proud
Thank you so much! it means so so much <3
Hi! This is nightshadows bring a new comment live to a theater near you! Ok, so enough of my weirdness here are my thoughts:
I thought that this was a very interesting poem! I love the way that you formated drips and trips. Its interesting and adds onto the story like Drips like blood the direction natural goes down because of gravity and the same applies for tripped. The story your displaying here is one that is very sad, on that many hope they don't get stuck in that situation. You create such a vivid picture here even in the midst of a few stanzas. And I get it, thats super hard to get the reader to see the image you have fantasized in your head so propos to you! I do have to say that the tale was a bit gruesome so I cant exactly be very cheery like sunshines and rainbows about this review because that would sound slightly wrong. GReat job on the poem its a work of art!
thank you so much!! it means so much to me that people enjoy my work! <3