Young Writers Society

Hey 4revgreen!

So I'm going to start off by saying that I don't think God enjoys killing. Killing is such a harsh word for it too. Killing is more of a way of expressing murder. God doesn't murder us, does He? No, He takes us when we are ready. Death is just another fact of life. No one can escape it but who wants to? Could you imagine being in this world forever!? No thank you! God takes us away to bring us to a better place if we've followed His laws. If we haven't, we deserve Hell.

Sorry...Idk if that was offensive or anything but plz trust me when I say that I just wanted to express what I think about it...

Anyway, in general I really liked it! The questions that you asked were valid and relatable and not many people really write about them.
Once again, your writing has kept me entranced and I admire your skill in poetry writing. I know NOTHING about poetry so you can only imagine what my writing it would look like lol

Good job!
Your friend,
Honora

Hai, I’m here to review! I think this was an interesting poem, I liked the questions you threw throughout it, to make the reader want to read until the end. I think the ending was pretty powerful, because you ended it off with a question. I really like when poems do that for some reason :3

Alright time for some critique:
One small thing I’m going to critique is your punctuation. You, technically, should end sentences with commas/periods (or other punctuation marks), this is so that it flows a bit better.
A last thing I’m going to critique is your capitalization, it tends (in this poem) to flip on and off randomly, and it just seems a little strange. A few simple tweaks, and this could be a pretty good poem you have here!

I’m sorry if this review sounded harsh at all, it’s not my intention. I think you have a solid poem here, and should definitely write more! Good luck with your future poems <3

-Alice

It's really good except for the fact that i was reading it out loud and got really tongue tied cause I'm a dip. I loved it and would most likely recommend it to my friends if I had any.....



GREAT JOB!!!!!

Hello @4revgreen

Wow, this is really good!

I love the name you have for it, it really attracted me to read it.
There are a few grammar errors but there not that bad.
I have to say i was very impressed by this poem. It said a lot, and the words really flowed amazingly. The emotion in it was good. The way you put it actually gave me imagery too.

You did wonderful!

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely
Anma

Hello! Louisiana here for a review! I found this very moving...

First, I noticed spelling error: "fantasize" rather than "fantasise" in the first 5-line stanza.

Next, I think you should be constant in what you capitalize and leave lowercase--it sometimes can be very distracting for readers who notice the smallest things...like me... lol

I love how you use the last word of the previous stanza to form the next question. It really shifts this narrative poem beautifully. But, I would like to point out that for me, the poem as a whole seems a little disconnected with the huge shifts. If one takes each question and stanza separately, it really is beautiful, but when shifting it just seems to me like it is leaping--but it could just be me.

I think your strongest stanza--because I couldn't really find a stanza that I found considerably weak--would probably be the last one. It brings the poem to a beautiful close and your diction truly was skillfully picked. Not big vocabulary, but everyday words that follow with a punch to the gut for the context. Also, the final stanza really does bring the whole poem together, so bravo on that.

Again, a really nice poem and very moving! Keep writing!

Louisiana