What

Hello,
I love this poem! It really gets the readers to ponder over each line - of course, because they are all questions! I think there are deeper meanings and significance behind every line stated, and I like the rhymes as well. Each question circulates around a common theme, which is life, and there is a lot of variety. I also like how you used the same starting word for every other line except for the last one - which leaves a strong impression on the readers.

I would probably suggest using punctuation for the ending of every question, and maybe you could also begin a new stanza after every question so that it will be easier to read through.

Keep writing!

Hello 4revgreen,
Anne here for a review. First of all, I really enjoyed your poem, it was such a joy to read. I really like how you used what at the beginning of every line except for the last one. It really added a sort of dramatic effect. I feel as if that was a nice way to wrap up the theme and overall general message of your poem.
I feel like your rhyme at the end of your lines seems kind of forced. If you made everything rhyme for a visual reason, I suggest using an eye rhyme. That way your poem does not sound strained, but you still get the sort of look that you desired. If you wanted to play around with rhyme scheme a bit more, I suggest trying some internal rhyme, it would be really cool with your style of poetry.
I noticed that you did not split up your stanzas. While this may only be a formatting thing, it would look a lot better if you did so. Also, your meter does not seem to be consistent. For example:
your first line:
/ ) / ) / ) ) /
" what is life to you and to me"
/ is stressed and ) is unstressed

but your last line is like this:
/ ) / ) / ) / ) / )
" the thing that cuts deep and watches us bleed"

You see, while each poetic foot seems to be an iamb, there are still some mistakes. ( Which is fine) Meter is something that does not always have to be consistent, but it does enhance your poem.


Thanks for taking the time to read this!
-Anniepoo103

Hi,

I see the meaning behind your poem, and think that a lot of hard work and effort went into the making of it, but your use of constant end rhyme makes the poem sound like a nursery rhyme.

I don't think you should restrict yourself to end rhyme. It overall weakens the meaning of what you're trying to convey. I think you could use words that would contribute so much more to the piece if you didn't get so caught up in rhyme. It seems forced. If you still want to incorporate rhyme into your poetry I think you use it more subtly and not just constantly at the end of each line. Incorporating slant rhyme and other musical qualities like alliteration and similar sounds (that aren't necessarily rhyme) will produce a more natural piece for the reader and get across what you'd like to get across in a more mature style choice to match the mature subject matter.

Keep it up!
-K u m a

Hi,

I see the meaning behind your poem, and think that a lot of hard work and effort went into the making of it, but your use of constant end rhyme makes the poem sound like a nursery rhyme.

I don't think you should restrict yourself to end rhyme. It overall weakens the meaning of what you're trying to convey. I think you could use words that would contribute so much more to the piece if you didn't get so caught up in rhyme. It seems forced. If you still want to incorporate rhyme into your poetry I think you use it more subtly and not just constantly at the end of each line. Incorporating slant rhyme and other musical qualities like alliteration and similar sounds (that aren't necessarily rhyme) will produce a more natural piece for the reader and get across what you'd like to get across in a more mature style choice to match the mature subject matter.

Keep it up!
-K u m a

I like poetry, but i'm not good enough at it to give a review haha. But this is really nice. I'm a really big fan of poems with this kind of repetition, I couldn't say why, I just like them. But it definitely gives the last line more of a punch as it breaks the pattern. You did a good job! love it!

Wow, this is a really nice poem, Green. It's really good. I like the rhyming, it gave it a sort of lyrical feel, ya know. It's really good. That's an underestimation. Its really good. That's still an underestimation. Are you understanding what I'm trying to say? Your poem is beyond the heavens good. I love the structure of it all, the words, the meaning behind it, it's all just too great!

Hello!

This is pretty good.

I can't say it's my fav though
I feel it's a little bland

Here are some things you can do to make it better.....

First of grammar and punctuation, you need to fix it up a little.
Second part the lines into different categories.
Also you need to capatalize....

Either than that it's pretty good.

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely
Anma