Hey Timmy! I have reviewed LOTS of your poems.
Firstly, First sentence::::
as I watch this night fade away into empty dawn...
Ok, I was amazed at this amazing poem. But come on, remember to always capitalize this.
The first word of the sentence, REALLY important, please remember that.
Really good start though; like most of all your other poems, great way to make the reader feel welcomed, wanting to read on and on and on until this wonderful poem is finished.
Second sentence:
time does show it's hard to forget my dreams and carry on
Can you see it? There's a typo. Between forget and my, I am pretty sure you did 2 spaces in stead of one. Look closely; its there! I promise.
Strange how through the whole poem you didn't put a comma or even a period. I suggest you put a period after the second sentence.
Like this:
As I watch this night fade away into empty dawn;
Time does show it's hard to forget my dreams and carry on.
Those first two sentences are the ones that I fixed. Read yours then mine, see which one you like best. But you have to fix that typo.
a moment with you
The last sentence is strong, lovingly. Just don't make it sound too forced.
Amazing!
Just PLEASE remember to capitalize. That may be your way that you wrote this lyrics, but I am just suggesting.
Tim, this story is wonderful {Just like all your other ones (couldn't count) and it will always be amazing}
One last thing:
Dose show
.... Why not use shows, or something more simple?
Remember, simple and sweet is the key.
On many of my reviews, I always say don't be to complicated.
That's the one bad thing that so many people do. An sentence or two of compilation is good, not the whole piece though.
I can't say anything else. That's all. Its amazing, wonderful, fantastic, lovingly, perfect {Pretty much!}, and awesome, and all those things again.
Keep up the good work! Good luck on fixing the typo, and I hope I wasn't to harsh. I love reading your works and I can do it all day if I could.
I want to write like you so badly! Sadly, all I can do now is help your writing, which; is actually good. I guess.
When you have time, could you review my poem?
Its called Tears of Rainbows.
Think I might need your help. I was also hoping you could give me some advice on my wall/profile.
Thanks soooo much Timmy!
Wonderful again.
Farwell,
Curiosity227
{ *Standing ovation* Clap, Cheer*}
Points: 176
Reviews: 18
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