People always write stories with titles. They can be catchy, interesting, or lovely. However, this story has no title. People will try to know what it is. Is it horror? Is it catchy? Is it interesting? Or is it interesting? Hehehe! No, it is not that. It is a secret and forbidden by the author of this story, but you can see it from this one.
(This is very bored crap. I have no ideas so it is the ideas that I came up.)
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137,660 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Hey there, Zontafer here to review your work!
I can see you named the title 'Untitled~Prologue'. Does that mean you will be writing more of this story, like chapters?
I see what you're trying to imply here, but I'd suggest you to write in another way.
Suggestion:
Another suggestion:
I'd recommend you to go with the 2nd suggestion, because then you'll avoid repitition, and prevent it from being boring.
At the end you tell us 'It is a secret and forbidden by the author of this story, but you can see it from this one.'
I'm not exactly with you here. What do you mean by 'you can see it from this one.'? Does it mean that it simply has no genre, or its own genre?
When you break it up into several lines, this could actually look like a poem. Or maybe be one.
I don't have much more to say as this was pretty short, so keep up the good work!
- Zontafer
Hi, pinkie!
The most confusing thing is whether or not the part in parentheses is part of the piece or not. If it isn't, I'd suggest putting it in a spoiler so it's more clear.
The idea of writing something that is forbidden to be name reminds me a lot of The Name of this book is Secret by Pseudonymous Bosch. It's an interesting idea, but I'm not sure this is long enough to be a full prologue. All we know is the story is untitled, which we could have gained from the title. We know nothing of the plot, the main character, why it's untitled, and I'm just not sure it's interesting enough to completely compel the reader to read on. Give us a few more details, and we'll be hooked. You've set the story up for a really mysterious tone.
You have wonderful grammar here; I see nothing wrong, so really good job with that!
You have a really nice tone throughout the piece.
I hope this review helped!
-tgirly
I'm here to review again Pinky!
so I'm not sure if you mean to do that. But maybe it is sarcasm?Alright so you actually say the same thing twice in this little description:
I like how in this little prologue you are able to express mystery with "a forbidden secret" and humor "Hehehe!" and then also intrigue and maybe horror. You're right that leaving something untitled really leaves the reader with no idea with what they're getting into I think this is a very interesting idea. You could maybe do one chapter of mystery, one of humor, one of drama etc. and keep the reader guessing along the way! I'll be interested to see if you develop this "Untitled" piece!! Good luck and Happy Writing Pinkie!!
~alliyah
Review Courtesy of "The After Watch" (Knights of the Green Room)