Young Writers Society

Hey. Happy...ULTIMATE POKEMON AWESOMENESS TEAM PLASMA FOR THE WIN REVIEW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, first, maybe cliched, but your wording.

"which it made him got an idea."

"be free and have fun as his father."

However, they will have a crazy adventures"

"Prefect" is "perfect".

"A prefect family, A prefect life, and a prefect husband."

OMIGOSH, you know Tobuscus? From Literal Trailers?

"Tobuscus"

The wording is also crazy for the rest of this. Revise. Edit. Proofread. Revise. Edit. Proofread.

Hey Pinkie, I see you've posted more story ideas so I'll happily leave a review.
I'll put some comments for each of your story ideas-

Goal for Youtube :
If you write this story I think it would sound better to put "YouTube users" rather than "Youtubers" because "youtubers" just sounds a little bit funny.
Also to my knowledge anyone can post videos on youtube so I'm not sure what type of adventure your characters would be having to get their video on YouTube.
Also I wanted to say I think all of the character's names sound really great for that story. They're original sounding without being silly.

Married to who
I think there was actually a movie with this plot, so be careful to keep the plot original if you write it.

Casey's Cave
The word choice in this one seems a bit off. It seems like a regular scary story, but then the "Tansy Forest" sort of sounds like a forest from Candy Land. You might want to choose a different name for it, unless you want it to be surprisingly or ironically scary. Calling the ghost a "homicide ghost" is a little odd too.

I don't want you
This one sounds very drama filled so far. You might want to up the rating of this ideas piece because you said the F word twice..

Heat Fighters
This one confuses me a little bit, because I thought Pinkie and Toby's parents were dead!
The sentence "Did I survived, aren't it?" doesn't make sense. Toby sounds like a protective but possibly also a bad older brother the way you portray him in this paragraph. Also I'm curious to know what makes the city dangerous. I think this story is your most interesting and I'd like to read more.

Overall
It looks like you have a lot of interesting story ideas! Good luck in your writing Pinkie!!

`alliyah

This review courtesy of

Hello, love
Aurora here for a quick review

Hmm, lets see. I don't really like the ones about youtube mainly because they have no real plot. No offence. I just don't think it would be that interesting to read. I like the one where the woman's memories are gone simply because I think you could have a lot of drama in it. Might make for a good TV show.

Heat Fighters~Episode 1

The parents of Toby and Pinkie told to stay home and left them to save their city called Masionake. Toby obeyed them and told him that he will take care of his little sister. Pinkie, however, don't want to stay at home. She wanted to help them save the city so she escaped from her brother, but her brother followed her in the shadows. When she met her parents again, she saw them was caught. She decided to help them by making fun of the members of the Devils. The Devils got mad at her and ran to kill her, and then Toby went out of the shadows and fought them with his powerful fists. Pinkie fought with him and helped her parents escaped from the Devils, but the parents were killed by them. She screamed in sadness as her brother grabbed her and take her into the shadows. When the Devils were finally gone, Toby was mad at her and told her that this is dangerous for her to be here. Pinkie didn't cared about it and said, "Did I survived, aren't it?". Toby sighed and realized that they can't go back to home now. They decided to walk though the dangerous city.

This entire thing is.... well... the characters don't have reasons for what they do. Pinkie is a little girl; why would she even want to go fight? And her brother can melt into shadows? Why do they stay in the city?

Keep writing, love.
Aurora