Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm ran into the first chapter of this story while trawling around the ancient works of YWS...and thought I'd check out the prologue too...so here I am.
First Impression: Okay...as far as prologues go, this one's not too bad, but having read the first chapter, I wonder how this is going to actually play into the story itself though...cause it seems like the story takes place a lot after this. At any rate, if this is just meant to be a bit of context for the backstory of the protagonist...that's not bad either...but uhh...this pacing would still need to get sorted out a bit here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
This battle started 5 years ago and ended just today. The battle was sad. My own father died, and I was sad, because when I was a little girl my mom died. My dad put me in a boarding school. There were so many rules but I couldn't keep track of all of them. I was a day-dreamer. I day-dreamed about my dad coming to get me after the war. But when my teacher said my dad died just a few days ago in battle, I cried for the three days after. I couldn't believe my dad died. This is the third boarding school I have been into, because my dad was always in battle, until now. He is not in battle anymore and never will be, because of his death.
Okay....well, this one definitely is quite an attention grabby start here...a child having to suffer the consequences of having a father that's constantly in a war...and then also having to suffer through losing said father to the war. Adding the death of the mother to that equation definitely makes things even worse. At any rate, this is setting up a pretty sad premise here right off the bat...and you can instantly empathize with the protagonist here.
A few years later my dad's sister (my aunt) came to pick me up from the boarding school, but my teacher wouldn't let me go with my aunt. I told her that she could give me an education because she is a school teacher. She finally said yes. My aunt was coming back tomorrow to take me with her, so I was packing. While I was going through my stuff and putting it in my suitcase, I found my picture of my dad, the picture that he gave me before he went to the first battle.
Okay...looks like perhaps we've skipped to things happening in real time finally...at least it appears so here...and well, it looks like an interesting move their with the teacher refusing to let her go...considering the aunt is probably one of her only living relatives, if the aunt asks, I don't know if the teacher can even think of refusing there...that nitpick aside, a neat little start here. And that mention of her finding a picture of her father while packing up definitely is one of those things that tug at your heartstrings there.
The next morning my aunt came back, and I got my suitcase form my room, and put it in the car. My aunt told me I was going to have a good time at her house. I was in the ninth grade, and I would have my aunt as my teacher. I already knew who my teacher was. Witch I thought was good. The only thing I didn't know was what the other kids were like at school. I was a little nervous to go to school, but when I got there, my aunt introduced me to everyone. I met a friend named Alex. She was really nice. We hung out at lunch and we were partners in the partner activity.
Okayy....things kinda sped up there again, the pacing of this prologue has so far been a touch all over the place, it kind of slowed down to talk about that packing scene and the aunt but now it speeds up a whole lot more here, which makes for a transition that's a tiny bit too fast in my opinion, you may want to rethink that bit a little.
School was finally over, but I kind of liked meeting a new friend. I told my aunt all about Alex forgetting she already knew her quite well.
I still missed my dad, I stared at the picture he gave me for a long time. I went to sleep hugging the picture. I felt as if my dad was there, even though I knew he wasn't.
Okay...so this again seems to be slowing the pace down to just a single moment here at the end, which kind of seals the full circle on this pacing that keeps speeding up and down. Well, at the very least, this doesn't seem to be too bad of a prologue...although I am wondering how this ties into the story...having read the first chapter, it seems like this would be a something that happens way before the first chapter...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty decent prologue, its got a couple of issues here and there but for the most part its not too bad. Seems like a pretty interesting story this one...and ehh...I just might read the rest of these chapters cause it looks like you did in fact finish this particular story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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