Hi!
They were just lying around doing nothing, so I knew it was probably a good time to tell them the plan considering the fact that they were sitting around doing nothing.
Okay: major repetition. "Doing nothing" should not and does not need to be repeated. First, it just sounds a whole lot better if you don't repeat things like that, and two, it makes it seem so unoriginal. Try and create a different phrase/word for this.
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I pointed this out earlier, but I'm going to say it again: capitalize "Fantasy Land". This is another big problem you have, and it gets on people's nerves when you don't capitalize proper nouns.
I didn't want to know what they were talking about, because I already knew it was something bad about me.
*clears throat and puts the word hate out of mind* Okay, I absolutely despise when people write something like that. Half of that despise goes to my natural curiousity and wanting to know everything about it, and half of it goes to the actual writing. I would suggest to actually have Mia listen to them, unless it will uncover later in the story.
In my head, I start screaming at characters for not listening to people. Y'know? So maybe include just a little words, and then Mia decides not to listen anymore and walks away. OR: maybe it's just because I want to know what they're talking about .
After they said that they walked away, like they were mad at me or something.
In all the context around this and everything, it says "others", which in m mind makes me think of four or five. Soo, isn't there only Sarah, Sari, and Grace? So I wouldn't connect "others" to "Grace and Sari" (they were the only ones that had walked away).
Maybe I just sound a bit ramble-y in this chapter, but anyways--hope it helps!
WillowPaw1~
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