No one could stop talking about Arianna. Sari was really upset considering the fact that they were the best of friends. I couldn't help thinking about how Sari felt.
That night Sari couldn't sleep, and neither could I. Sari and I went to the river, and talked for a while. Later we decided to go back to bed and sleep. We needed the sleep if we were on hunting duty for tomorrow. I told Sari that things were going to be alright. She didn't understand why Arianna died. I told her that everybody dies at some point in their lives. She used to think that no one could die. Not in fantasy land at least. I replied with...
"Sari don't feel bad. One day we will all die. Everyone does die. I am not lying, you can trust me you know that. This isn't your fault Sari."
Then I said goodnight and walked back to camp to get some sleep. I felt bad for Sari, but she couldn't be upset about it for the rest of her life. I felt bad that I couldn't help Sari. I cant because I am not a psychologist. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't listen. Something told me to leave her alone, so I did. I mean I didn't want to, but it sounded to me she needed some alone time, just to think about things. I understand how she felt, but I just don't want her to feel that way. I feel like it's all my fault that Arianna died, even though I know it isn't my fault. It's no ones fault, but I feel like it's my fault because I am the one who tried to help Arianna, but I couldn't.
I felt like I was falling from the sky and into space out of earth and into a little dark hole where I would stay for all that I had done, even though I didn't do anything wrong, I felt like I did, and that Arianna's death was all my fault.
End of chapter
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Uni here for a review!
SO I love this so far and it is very interesting and captivating. I love where this is going and the plot line is wonderful, but I am not really getting a feeling for the characters.
I think that in order for me to get that feeling I should actually see there attitude n how they talk, and stuff. But in this chapter I didn't see that. I would actually like to see there conversation down by the river, and stuff. I think it would make it seem more solemn about Arianna's death.
Also if you described how the air felt and what it looked like, and what personal feelings that the main character was having while talking to Sari.
There is something else, you used the word "I" a lot in the last paragraphs, that is an easy fix. Just reword the sentences...
I can't wait to read the rest... This is so captive!
~Uni
I finished the series, chapter 13 is the last. Keep reading. I hope you like the ending.
I finished the series, chapter 13 is the last. Keep reading. I hope you like the ending.
Hey dogsrule5! I'm back! By the way - quick with getting this out. I just reviewed your previous chapter yesturday. Nice! Anyways-the review.
Don't forget your apostrophes!
Edit:
Okay, besides that, I found only one other error that was so minor I decided not to point it out.
Great chapter! I wish a little more went on, though. I mean, you don't have to make it longer... Just, interesting. Hmm, that doesn't make much sense. But be sure to add all your drama that you have stocked in your brain
I liked the quick talk between Sari and Mia. And, I especially loved the last part! mostly, the last sentence. But just the whole last small paragraph was interesting, and I loved that Mia thought Arianna's death was her fault (and of course it wasn't... Hopefully 0.0)
Keep writing! <3 Hope this helps!
WillowPaw1~
Thank you. You are so nice!!!