Verse 1:
These waters are rising ever higher
With a force I can't fight
Now they are slowly taking over
They are enveloping like the night
Pre- Chorus: Save me, Save me!
Chorus: As I fall on my knees
I remember who has the victory
As I pray for your peace
I remember who conquered the grave
And I know that you will save me
Verse 2:
Now I am tired and I need rest
From this feeling of being oppressed
As I'm calling out to you
Relieve me of my distress
Back to Chorus
Bridge:
Show me that you have a plan
And that i can rest in your hands
Save me from this place
Deliver me into your grace (x2)
Great! However, an error.
Here, I think there should be a subject.
"They are enveloping like the night"
How about "me" after "enveloping"?
That will be all. I just might mention one question, which team are you on? Or none at all? Answer me! Happy Review Day!
Hsarver! I have returned to review some of your lyrics x3
Okay, so what I really liked about this was I guess the message and the religious links. I thought it was pretty powerful, leaving a strong message. It's the sort of message that stays with you after a while, and this is really effective. Also, for a song, I quite enjoyed your structure and can imagine it being sung. The bridge is absolutely fantastic, in my opinion, and this message. I'm not sure if this is what you were going for, but it's a sin to commit suicide, so I thought this was rather clever.
Now, I'd really love to see more imagery here! I think I mentioned this in some other lyrics of yours that using more imagery would be great. With a topic like this, I think more description is really needed so the readers/listeners can just picture things really. It would also help to bring up your already strong message to an even better level!
Chorus: As I fall on my knees
I remember who has the victory
Hi HSarver. Niteowl here from the Tsunami Tyrants to review your work again!
Overall, I liked this. It delivers its message and seems like it would flow well. Perhaps not as catchy as the other one of yours I read, but the tune I came up with for that was like "Marvelous Light" level catchy, which is hard to beat.
They are enveloping like the night
As I fall on my knees
I remember who has the victory
As I pray for your peace
I remember who conquered the grave
And I know that you will save me
Now I am tired and I need rest
From this feeling of being oppressed
Show me that you have a plan
And that i can rest in your hands
Save me from this place
Deliver me into your grace
Hey there! You know, I don't usually like religious songs, but this one seems good to me. This is the wonderful picture of having strong faith in something supernatural.
"I remember who has the victory
As I pray for your peace"
I'd like the term "achieved victory" more, but it's your song, depends how it fits in your ear.
Nice piece of art, keep writing 
~Bard
120,187 Literary Works • 648,977 Reviews
Points: 1219
Reviews: 558
Donate