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A wedding promise

by aouther2b


Forever together,
a bond that cannot be undone
We solidify this promise
Together as one

The magic, the beauty
that surrounds us today
Because of the love
things will forever be changed

We'll hold each other closer
We'll find solace within
Never needing another
our search at its end

The vows and I do's
At this wedding our said
with complete love and truth
A beautiful couple is wed.


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37 Reviews


Points: 1433
Reviews: 37

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Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:40 am
krishnathulasi says...



This is probably a promise every couple makes on their special day.
A promise every girl dreams about.

A poem well written. This definitely brings sbout a message of love and togetherness.
It speaks about a bond tied together by the sacred threads of love.

Short, Touching, Amazing.




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29 Reviews


Points: 1904
Reviews: 29

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Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:37 pm
OceanGirl says...



Awww... its so sweet!!! I loved the last part of the poem and the rhyming part was perfect.
there are no other flaws other than what @pickle mentioned.
anyway,
Good work!




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Points: 580
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Sun Mar 17, 2013 4:36 pm
Soulnmaka8 says...



pretty good its cute




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33 Reviews


Points: 53
Reviews: 33

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Sun Mar 17, 2013 1:29 am
elcuidador wrote a review...



Quickie by Toe.

Things you have accomplished:
1. Nice flow of words, easy to read.
2. Sending a cool, cheerful image to the reader.
3. Use of synonyms which play a nice role.
4. Good rhyme.

Things that need a bit more work:
1. Second stanza does not have rhyme.
2. Third stanza's rhyme scheme does not fit the first (unless intentional).
3. Not long enough to complete describe the happiness of marriage.
4. Did not bring something new to the love/wedding table of poetry.

Opinion:
Overall, this is a good poem but I feel that you could have given it more thought in sending more emotions towards your reader. I think if you doubled it, it would have been perfect if you know what I mean. The ending is great, but I feel that you rushed the second and third stanza just to get to the amazing ending. That's just my opinion, I could be wrong. After all, you're the writer here and I see potential. Keep the work up aouther2b!




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1210 Reviews


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Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:53 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi author2b!

Overall, I'd say this is a nice poem. The rhyme and flow works well, and it sounds like it'd fit right in at a wedding. However, I think it would be nice to add something more personal, since this is for your father's wedding. You could, for example, mention how they met, or how you came to grow as a family. Obviously you want to keep it positive and not super-personal, but it would be good to make this more unique to the couple in question.

Overall, nice job and keep writing! :)





Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
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