Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Sexy, forgive me for being a pedant. That said, this is a senryu. A very good senryu that actualizes me as a member of the LGBT+ community, but a senryu nonetheless. Beyond that, I admire the ownership of fag. Cigarette, gay dude, whatever. It's bold and it gives flavor. All that in mind, my favorite punch is the final line. It comes together properly and tightly, and you're to be admired for that.
Write more for me. <3
No guarantees. <3
Rarely would I think a poem is great,
but this is pure gold. I love this.
Hello, inkwell!
I don't know how you came up with this or how you're the same age as me because this is lovely and brilliant and makes me jealous that I didn't think of it first. Of course, there aren't many gay bars in rural Nebraska, so there's that.
At first I didn't appreciate your use of the three letter word at the end of line two, but somehow, it works, and it doesn't sound offensive. It's not derogatory, just simple.
(note to other readers of my review: I'm authorized to say that tyvm)
I also feel like somehow the quality of being a sad drunk has found this drag queen, not the sad drunk finding the drag queen on purpose. Nice.
The command of the drag queen to the sad drunk is beautiful in its simplicity. It's really all the sad drunk needs to stop feeling sad, but might also make the sad drunk feel more upset in the morning. But we're not thinking about that right now. We're thinking about the offer to get the sad drunk out of sadness instead of what will happen after.
It's a nice little moment that will stick with me for a while. Thank you for sharing.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
Ah, I think you flagged me. I supposed that's fair. Fag is meant to be ambiguous, meaning cigarette. Thanks for the feedback.
Just one stanza? Oh well. I'm aware that haiku consists of short three-lines stanzas, but having just one seems too short for me.
I like the idea of this haiku. It's easy to interest the readers. I expect more stanzas though to further elaborate. I don't know if this is part of the format of haiku, but you miss "and says" which should be inserted either at the end of first line or the beginning of last line. I guess you are balancing the number of syllables in those lines?
That's all for me. Can't say much more about this haiku.