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16+ Mature Content

Suicide note

by YourFriendQuirks08


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

The girl sat in her dark room. She sat with a numb stillness as she grabbed the blade; she had snatched it from the kitchen downstairs. She’d never been caught doing it, so she knew she had to cover her new cuts up with concealer. The girl also had bought many hoodies and baggy jumpers to cover them up, to avoid the question “What happened to your arms?” that her mum asked last month. She said that she simply fell over at netball and that it was classic and clumsy for her to do that. That hid it pretty well, she thought.

-

She gripped the knife hard, harder than what she had ever held something before. Inhaling the air to avoid noise, the girl pressed the blade on her wrist. A vicious red leaked out, never ending. It seeped, ending the continuous silence. For a moment her pain stopped, and for an even larger moment her mind fogged with a paralyzing heart ache. Her mind wanted to keep going, but her heart wanted to stop beating entirely.

-

She brought a piece of paper into her room. In which she began to write:

Dear Miss Doyle,

You might be wondering why I am writing… and why I’m not at school. Well let’s just say I took a bad turn and I’m in a better place; earth wasn’t meant for me I guess. I wasn’t ever successful…my purpose just isn’t for this education system after all. No matter how many times you have said how proud you are of me, or how you know I’ll be amazing, all grown up and intelligent, I will never have self esteem equal to the faith you have in me. And that’s the sad truth. And I really am sorry. I’ll never feel good enough with myself: in looks, grades or personality.

I couldn’t keep my promise of staying and being there for you… but there is one thing I can promise. And that is that I will always love you. I will always see you as a friend, incredible teacher and mother to me even when my soul has been lifted into clouds…into the high high dust of bittersweet harmony. I am so sorry; but please don’t feel it’s your fault. You kept me here longer than what I wanted…through my happiness, sadness, anxiety and anger you have been there, so don’t think you ‘could’ve done more for me. Thank you, and this is my last goodbye. Here is a picture for you to remember me by, and make sure you check on the girls for me. Someone needs to wipe their tears, but I don’t have the ability to do that as an invisible, forgotten soul.

Love Rubes xx

-

She sighed… After taking a deep breath in, she attached pictures of herself to the letter. One was of her at the park, laughing and holding onto her friend for stability. Another was her and three other girls, in a selfie at a bowling alley, in a hoodie once again. Her left hand was behind her back, in a pose with them. They all looked at peace and happiness together. They looked fine. The last photo was a mirror image. She stood, in her navy blazer and perfect school tie, covering her face with her phone. Her hair was half brush and left to drape over her shoulder, further masking her identity. She looked happy, she really did.

The blade…the same blade she used to cut her arm. She picked it up again and held it to her neck. Tears fell, splattering on the sharp point.

I screamed…then I fell to the floor, clutching the note.


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29 Reviews

Points: 148
Reviews: 29

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Wed Dec 29, 2021 9:18 pm
AngelLily wrote a review...



Hey! AngelLily here with a review!

First off, this piece of work was very well written. And if you need someone to talk to I'm always here to talk if you need it. I would like to say that your writing style is nice and keeps the reader interested. The descriptions your use are precise and definitely made me feel for the character, even if it was somewhat painful to read.

I did notice that in the letter part: "so don't think you 'could've done more' for me"
that there are two extra apostrophes one before the c in "could've" and one after "more"

Also in the third to last paragraph you have "1 was of her at the park"
It should be a spelled out one.

Overall it was a good story, and a nice twist at the end when the girl ended up being the author.

I hope you have a good day/night. Keep up the good work.




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Thank you for reviewing! I've corrected the grammar errors as I didn't even notice the apostrophe...
Have a great day and a happy new year,
Rubes x



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Fri Dec 24, 2021 3:40 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Quirks, I'm really sorry if the feelings in this piece are inspired by real feelings, and hope they aren't current as these sound like really rough feelings to fight. Offering this site and the Crisis Safety Resource List in case they are needed or helpful for you or any readers.

I thought I'd share a little review as well -

> First and foremost, thank you for rating + giving your piece a trigger warning in the description - I think those are really responsible especially on a site with younger users, so I'm always very glad to see those used so we can take care of each other here.

> Meaning / Interpretation
I think the plot of the piece was fairly clear - the speaker is fighting some suicidal feelings that are really intense, and overwhelming, they engage in self-harm and feel very conflicted and even more overwhelmed, so they write a note to someone who is very dear to them trying to explain what is going on and calling them to continue to be kind to those around them. In the last two paragraphs it looks like there's a bit of ambiguity - in the second to last paragraph it looks like she is setting up to do the act of taking her life, and then very interestingly in the final line "I screamed... then I fell to the floor, clutching the note" the text turns from second person (you) to first person (I) - I was really surprised and a bit taken aback by that, and wondered if it was intentional - like in the end the narrator claims what is happening as happening to themselves and so kind of the opposite of dissociation - they integrate back into themselves. On that line of dissociation I also noticed that their body is sort of described as a different object / person the whole time, like the blood is just a "viscious red" rather than "her/my blood" which I think also highlights that theme of maybe an emotional disconect with their personhood. Interestingly also in that final line it's ambiguous to me whether they finished the action or decided against it. In a way that pulls at the heart-strings even more, with not knowing the narrator's response.

> Descriptions
The cutting and working towards the suicide actions were very tough for me to read - I think they would be tough for anyone to read, but they are very vivid, and you really paint a picture, my only suggestion is that you might consider doing a little bit more in the form of metaphor or continuing images. Painting one image once is nice, but if you can find some sort of metaphor to weave throughout the piece that relates to the image, even better - that creates a staying power with a story or poem. Overall thought this piece had a good balance of emotional-description, action-description, and scene-description to keep the reader engaged and really paint a much fuller version of the story.

> Conventions
Overall I think the piece was editted well - there's a few places where it comes off as rather informal and maybe not entirely grammatically there (like a large run-on) but I think that actually suited the style of the piece. My one little critique on grammar / punctuation is that outside of the letter I think that the ellipses (...) was distracting. Unfortunately ellipses have so many different meanings that instead of creating a dramatic pause like you were going for, it sets it up like confusion, awkwardness, emptiness, waiting for the punch-line, irony, indecisiveness - they just stand for so many different things, I think they usually end up doing more harm than good unless used in a very obvious manner or in a humor piece. If you do use them, there should be a space after the ellipses between the last period and the next word.

Overall this was a very emotional piece that I think can bring a reader into the world of what someone struggling with these thoughts might experience and hopefully that lends itself to some empathy and awareness too - many people struggle with suicidal thoughts, and it's definitely a serious situation. My heart goes out to anyone struggling in that way.

All the best to you, keep writing!

~ alliyah




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Thank you so much! The last part was intentional. As if I were telling the story of myself and clarifying it at the end. I have a bad habit of using ellipsis unnecessarily, so I'll edit some of those out later on.
All the best and have a lovely Christmas (if you celebrate),
Rubes x



alliyah says...


Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too!




Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
— Søren Kierkegaard