Hey guys, before you read the poem I would like to say that this poem isn't supposed to be amazing. I wrote this as I have been feeling this way for a while and I wanted to write it down when I can't really speak to them...my PM's are for anyone who needs it!
Love ya,
Rubes x
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Missing someone is like the deadly game of Jumanji
It haunts you as if it were a ghost
However fills you with a soothing feeling
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It makes you feel like nothing
Because you were a person when you were with them
However there is a slight thought of safety
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You feel you are overreacting,
A strange, uncomfortable person
Just because of a bond and relationship
That has too many feelings
A mix...too many compounds to name
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They come and go
But take your focus and peace far far away
Yet bring many memories...some sad, some unbelievably chilling
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It disposes of you in a place far far away from reality
Your mind is fooled and tricked into sending you on a disturbing holiday
Your dropped alone in an odd place
It makes you feel ashamed of who you are
causes you to isolate yourself until you feel like your nothing
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You break away from them
confused, shameful and saddened by not seeing them
You don't know the difference between searching for them and asking questions
The hopeless world of reality
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You have breakdowns, meltdowns
you don't know how to speak to them about your feelings
It gets serious
You change
But all you really need is for them to give you a hug
say that it's going to be alright
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If you miss someone...past relationship or not
Speak, talk, communicate with them
Thank them for all they've done
Thank them for the joy, the memories
Because one day it will be too late
But not now
It is the perfect time
To not beat yourself up about them
And live with and without their company
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
hi, BrokenHeartsAri here for a review!
ok, first I hope you are doing well
so I loved the imagery you had going on it seemed more tangible for me as the reader. the communication with these emotions fits extremely well.
"You have breakdowns, meltdowns
you don't know how to speak to them about your feelings
It gets serious
You change
But all you really need is for them to give you a hug
say that it's going to be alright"
I really loved this part because I feel everyone has gone through this they needed closure. That everything is going to be ok. so they can move on.
"You break away from them
confused, shameful, and saddened by not seeing them
You don't know the difference between searching for them and asking questions
The hopeless world of reality"
I feel like it wasn't enough visual language.
I agree with blueglow you could add some similes here and there, but other than that i really enjoyed reading this work.
Keep up the great work-BrokenHeartsAri
Thanks so much for the review! I was kinda just writing my feelings down for a bit...hence why some parts aren't great.
Stay safe,
Love Rubes
This is a very emotional work and I love it for that. The imagery is decent as well, nothing too special but not too bad either. You communicate the emotions extremely well which is important in this sort of poetry. So yeah, my only criticism is the visual language. I feel like it isnt visceral enough. You can always add colorful similes that create a sort of visual tapestry in the reader's head. If you want to improve look at how other authors write their poems and see what you like and what you don't, use what you like to improve. Overall this is a solid work!
Thank you so much! I was just writing it down to relieve myself of these odd feelings hence why it isn't an amazing piece
Thank you for reviewing and stay safe
Love Rubes x