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Young Writers Society



Mother...

by YourFriendQuirks08


I remember the day you saved me

from a mental beast I couldn’t destroy

-

My eyes cried tears of anxiety that left 

mental scars in my mind.

Every drop was previous love for myself

I wish I could have endured

-

I fell to my feet and held my head

as if I could yank my mind into place,

to be sane

I’d had held on for the little I was

until only a single strand of hair lied within my fingers clutch

-

My hands shook violently...scarily

Couldn’t be unnerved

but you saw and acted

and saved me from another unbearable fight

-

You rushed over and held me

from a meter away,

yet contact felt as loving as a hug

Sat with me on these dirty planks

and didn’t leave until my mind was at near ease

-

You don’t understand just how much you mean

As when people drifted away

you stood by and came in times of urgent crisis

Where my mysteries were yet to be spilled

You never understood

but you never turned me down either

You rocked me like a mother would her child,

stayed like a mother would with her child,

but also reassured like a mother would to her child

-

And that is why you are in fact a mother to me

because mothers stay in their child’s crisis

and teach from the untold secrets of the human mind

They continue to guard with all her precious life

Just as a mother should

In their child's existence.

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65 Reviews

Points: 287
Reviews: 65

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Thu Jun 03, 2021 11:43 pm
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pineapple321 wrote a review...



Hi, YourFriendQuirks! I thought I'd come by for a review.

First, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I praise you for even writing about it. It must have taken a lot of courage to share your story.

The poem was beautiful. I felt deeply moved reading it. It was so well written. The beginning seemed intense and suspenseful and kept the reader on edge. Making them think, what's going to happen? Then there was a savior who came and helped.

The way you used the analogy of a "mother" was something I absolutely loved. Because it wasn't entirely a biological mother. You made it sound like it was someone acting with motherly qualities.

Overall, awesome job! I hope you keep writing and I'm excited to see more of your works.

Signed,
Pineapple






Heya, thank you so much! I am so happy you were able to entirely understand the message I tried to carry across. It was quite difficult to write about, of course it was, but it was also the one thing I didn't have to think about so much. It was the 1 topic my hand can just run free with so it was pretty easy to write. Posting however was a bit harder ; I am very happy I did post it though. Stay safe x



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70 Reviews

Points: 789
Reviews: 70

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Thu Jun 03, 2021 6:44 am
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hi YourFriendQuirks! I'm Anne here to drop off a review.

First of all, if this is written from personal experiences, I'm really glad you have a supporting mother. Who never turns you down, just like an ideal mother shouldn't. Going o to talk about the poem.

MESSAGE
I loved the message of this poem. There couldn't have been a better title than Mother...
One single word, but it means as much as the universe to the children of those mothers, who support them. The feelings of comfort described are indeed well written. The opening of the poem was powerful because it glued the eyes of the reader on the poem- to read more about what happened on that day exactly. Furthermore, the qualities of a mother described here are heartwarming.

LANGUAGE AND FLOW
I couldn't find better words to express all that you have expressed. Each word is striking and apt. Well written and weaved throughout the poem. For the flow, the flow of your poem is pretty nice, however, the short and long lines , or the asymmetry of the lines disrupted it just a bit. For instance, in the second stanza

My eyes cried tears of anxiety that left mental scars

in my mind.

Every drop was a previous love for myself

I wish I could have endured

the 2nd line is short, but all the others aren't. I think, it would have been better if the 4th line was short too, or if all lines were of same length.

My eyes cried tears of anxiety that left mental scars

in my mind.

Every drop was a previous love for myself, I wish

I could have endured


or
My eyes cried tears of anxiety that left

mental scars in my mind.

Every drop was a previous love for myself

I wish I could have endured


It's totally up to you, however way you want it.

GRAMMAR
I did find some petty mistakes here .
Every drop was a previous love for myself

I think there is no need for a here.
Also in one place you've written 'turnt' where it should be turned.

overall, I really enjoyed reading your poem. Keep writing :)






Thank you so so much! Im trying to work on the order I place my words to help the flow of my poetry so it isn't too great at the moment...



anne27 says...


No problem :)




Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said