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A broken bit of glass

by YourFriendQuirks08


I am a broken bit of glass,

pieces scattered all over the place

in different hands and hearts.

-

Crushed into tiny segments of dejection and fear

Stomped on by many passers by

Ignored by the high class as I sit on the floor

-

Each part of me cuts when you try to mend

the complex sections of ruptured fear

Blood drops from hand to the floor

“I’m sorry” before I slice a chunk of your flesh off a beaten hand

-

See-through, getting stained from green misery and pain

Visible insides glow however they feel toxic

Do not touch my contents unless you prefer venom over love

for I am only a broken bit of glass


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Wed Jul 07, 2021 12:52 am
MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!

Wow. This poem was deep. Amazing. Very good job. I'm a huge fan of metaphors and the fact that you used one in this poem makes me like it even more. Also, great idea to do all bold it makes the words stick out more and makes the poem overall more dramatic. Great decision. My favorite part would have to be the ending note. It is so intense and is honestly very sad. But sometimes that makes poems beautiful in a way.

Anyways great job!

- Maple




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Tue Jul 06, 2021 5:29 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! I love your poem. I am here with a shorter review than the shortest review u have ever seen. Let's get right into it.
First of all, good editing. Bolding and making the size larger put a lot of emphasis on your poem. Secondly, the metaphor is praiseworthy. I spent a lot of time interpreting it and I hope that I have interpreted it in the right light. So, here are my interpretations.

I am a broken bit of glass,
pieces scattered all over the place
in different hands and hearts.

I guess it means that you are a broken glass whose pieces circulate from hand to hand, i.e. from person to person with different feelings towards the glass, i.e. you. Here, the place probably means the Earth. The broken glass circulates around the globe.
Crushed into tiny segments of dejection and fear
Stomped on by many passers by
Ignored by the high class as I sit on the floor

Right. In this paragraph, literally, the broken glass lies on the floor maybe and people curse it because it's just a bit of broken glass. Metaphorically, the narrator is blamed for many things. They have faced many dejections and maybe fears the World. Many people have blamed the narrator for something or maybe for classism as we can see from the next line that thee narrator is a victim of classism.
Each part of me cuts when you try to mend
the complex sections of ruptured fear
Blood drops from hand to the floor
“I’m sorry” before I slice a chunk of your flesh off a beaten hand

Literally, it means that when one tries to mend the broken pieces into a whole, instead of mending, the broken pieces cut the hand of the person and blood drops from that. Metaphorically, it means that when a person tries to console the narrator, instead of being consoled, the narrator maybe becomes angry or aggressive and harms the person. The narrator doesn't want to do that but can't stop themselves from doing it.
See-through, getting stained from green misery and pain
Visible insides glow however they feel toxic
Do not touch my contents unless you prefer venom over love
for I am only a broken bit of glass

Literally, it's just a continuation of the previous stanza. It says that the glass shouldn't be mended unless one wants to get harmed. Metaphorically, it gives the reason of narrator's behaviour. It says the person to see through them. How they are getting harmed. What pains them. How they feel toxic inside themselves. They are asking the person not to disturb or console them unless they want to get hurt themselves.
I admire how the poem ended with the same note as it had started. So, it was honestly a great poem. The metaphor worked really well.

Keep writing!
~Forever




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Thank you, I actually took inspiration from a short story we read in class. It had the same metaphor however the interpretations were slightly blurry; I wanted to add more of a clear meaning to it!



ForeverYoung299 says...


Ooh great!



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Mon Jul 05, 2021 3:01 pm
silented1 says...



Good poem.




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Thank you so much! <3



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Mon Jul 05, 2021 2:36 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this poem a lot! I think your continued metaphor of describing the narrator as a broken bit of glass worked really well to convey what you needed to convey, and your varied poetic phrases about the implications of that helped craft this really beautiful piece.

I think one thing you did really well was stick with your metaphor and look at several different aspects of it. I really love poems that are built around metaphors like this, because it gives you a lot of time and opportunity to really flesh out the metaphor and extend it from what might be just a throwaway token metaphor to add to the poetic vibe. I think the different facets of glass the narrator compared themselves to really helped add a lot to the poem. I especially liked the third stanza and the poignant imagery in provided. I think the "I'm sorry" was especially heartbreaking because when you think about it, glass doesn't mean to hurt, it was simply meant that way and shaped that way. The narrator is hurting people against their own will, simply because of forces they couldn't control, and I think that stanza really captures that lovely heartbreak and remorse.

One thing I wondered about was the last paragraph. I thought it was interesting how you used toxic as a word to describe glass, especially when you combined it with the word glow. That made me think of like, radioactivity, which came a bit out of the blue for me. I think just being a little more conscious of your word choice would help with that. It's interesting how words can bring images to mind, some of which might not have been intended. I also thought that some of the lines were phrased a little oddly in the last stanza.

See-through, get stained from green misery and pain
Visible insides glow however feel toxic


You use a lot of verbs without subjects here ("get stained," "feel toxic") and I feel like it makes it flow a little awkwardly. I think if you changed them to gerunds (ending in -ing) it could work, or you could also just put subjects in as well. I think that the first fix would work better in the first line and then the second fix would work best in the second line, so it would become:

See-through, getting stained from green misery and pain
Visible insides glow however they feel toxic


Also, just one more thing: I really loved the line "Do not touch my contents unless you prefer venom over love." It was a perfect segue into the end of your poem, and I loved how you opened the way you closed. It was very full circle and satisfying.

Overall: nice work! I liked this poem a lot, and I hope to read more of your work soon. Until next time!!




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Thank you so much! I will bear all of that in mind x




I think I have thankfully avoided being quoted.
— Lavvie