17th June 1941
Today has been awful. I had to wake up at 4:30am even after a late night's sleep yesterday evening. I can’t even say I had 5 hours of sleep, that is hardly ever enough rest when you are walking many miles per day. Inside the wide open spaces of myself, I find a mixture of pride, loneliness, sadness and freedom, as I get up and ready to finally complete a job other than cooking and cleaning for my fiancé.
Us land girls have to trek acres for what seems like a lifetime, last Wednesday it made it to around 7 miles, I believe. The job is hard work and even though we are out in the soft breeze all day, the allergies catch up with you easily. I need some medication for this dreadful fever if I am hoeing the fields for hours daily. Some of the ladies are very rough, acting as if they were on the front line. These girls can’t get it into their heads, we are feminine so we shall act like it, as we should. I had the terrible duty of rat catching today, they are frail, filthy things they are. Even worse than the neighbour’s children if I do say so myself. I attempted to refuse but I was forced to do the dirty work.
I sent a letter to my old Charles the other week ; I have still not received a response and I am getting rather worried. He said he would be back by Christmas 1939 but it’s a lot longer than that, now we are in June 1941 and he is still not home. I have no idea if he is on the front line yet or simply just waiting to be let out on land when they are in need of more soldiers. I am fearing the knock at the door with the news that I have lost him. Like the waters flooding New Orleans, I feel as if my emotions have overwhelmed the banks of my heart and deep within the thoughts of my uneducated mind. We were going to be married just before the war started and expand our family, however I don’t know if that is really going to happen. I am fearful for our lives, fearful for our destined future together. There is no man with such beautiful, crystal eyes and a young smile like his, there is no-one more right for me and my needs. He must come home, he just must.
The food...oh I can’t explain my disgust towards the new rationing system. We need to eat a proper meal, I am helping produce it at the land site so why do I need to obey the ration.
The amount of food we are allowed is honestly a disgrace: I understand the serious circumstances we are in at the moment, but why can’t I get a decent amount for the month. The 2 pints I get weekly aren't going to serve much now, same as the 4 lonely ounces of meat for an entire shilling and 1 pence. They are trying to starve us ; that is hardly enough for a child, let alone a grown -woman like me.
Overall, I am feeling most desperate for my Charles to come back home, for it is unbearable with none of his company for so many years. The pain never leaves me, not one second of my days either. Each day fades into the next as if it were a never-ending time lapse, the same things are occurring every day as well as the same emotions overwhelming me at night. Work is tiring and such hard work, however I need to listen to myself and follow the path of patriotism and help my country fight their way through this. It is draining everyone equally, but I just want us to push to the other happier side.
I have to sleep now, as my day is expected to be thoroughly exhausting tomorrow...just like the day after that and so on.