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Dear mum,

by YourFriendQuirks08


Dear mum,

I have a few things to ask and some others to simply state. Promise you won’t get mad, won’t shout, won’t yell out in anger? Please...screaming only makes things worse as you would know by now -_- Right, so let me begin with my letter.

-

1st question: Why do you avoid every consequence but mental illness?

I tried to talk to you and you put it down to laziness, poor understanding or stupidity. I think you have been misunderstanding for a while now, you see in this mind I think my own things. You can’t say how I think or feel because it is my own personal head...not yours. Maybe it isn’t laziness, maybe I really just don’t want to carry on anymore. Maybe it isn’t stupidity either, maybe I am actually very emotionally intelligent and is beginning to realise my own mental state. 

-

I remember when you shouted at me these exact words a few weeks ago “Maybe if you stopped crying to your teachers and got off that phone you wouldn’t be having this ‘anxiety’.” Yeah that stuck...and it hurts every time I think about how you yelled it. I don’t think you properly understand what’s going on in this small but short living head of mine, you wouldn’t survive a day in my shoes I can assure you of that.

-

That leads on to my 2nd question. Why are you so annoyed that I am speaking to another adult? I get that it can feel horrible not being seen as trusting in life, and it can feel most awful, but why are you spreading the negative vibes this way? Jealousy is a thing and I know just how terrible it can really feel being the second option...there is a reason for that though. Your reaction only pushes me away further so I don’t see your strategy here, it just doesn’t add up in my mind. Maybe I am just stupid as you have previously suggested, or maybe it’s on your end. Who knows? I thought you would be a bit relieved I have spoken to someone about it. But no, it’s only good enough if I am completely fine and tell you everything.

-

You get annoyed when I go on about my teacher...like really annoyed. It’s pretty funny if I’m honest just because of how much you know I like her and the annoyance it causes for you. Little did you know, I find her more motherly than you at times...aka my mum. Imagine a random woman that has taught me for nearly a year now being more trustworthy than you, who I have known all my life (13 and a half years). You do realise she truly helped me in a pure breakdown I had no control over right? You know she also lets me rant whenever I need someone to simply listen - which you don’t - to me right? She gave me the esteem I lost by a simple piece of encouragement that you don’t even know I lost to start with. Oh I wonder why I never told you *rolls eyes*. Oh yeah she also said she wanted me to be happy even if I fail all my assessments...you are still up in the air about that. Then you still have the nerve to decide that my teacher can’t mean that much and that I need to shut up about her ; I had more memories with that woman then you could even imagine...that’s why I like school so much. I actually get support and an active ear listening to me all the time which never ever happens at home, just because I am too scared to talk to you and dad. 

-

Just a last note: I am so sorry that I am like this. I apologise for being cold and mentally ill, I am sorry for loving someone else more than I have even loved you. Last of all, I am extremely sorry for feeling terrified to talk to you after being cut off so many times in the past. It is all my fault and you deserve better...hmm or do I deserve better?

Anyways have a great year mum. Be the best you can be and carry on with your out of line efforts to keep me safe and happier both at home and everywhere else.

Love Rubes - your messed up child.

-

PS: I wish I could say all this to you but I will reread this to make me believe that I need you in my life. Love you :)


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Sat Jun 05, 2021 6:41 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi YourFriendsQuirks08,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

First of all, I prefer the British English “mum” over the “mom” because it sounds a bit weird when speaking it aloud. :D But now to your story.

This was an extraordinarily interesting and open letter. It took me a bit emotionally, because it made me feel as if parenting had never taken place here. I mean, when a child of thirteen writes a letter to its mother, talking about how its teacher would be a better mother, I find it very extreme. Nevertheless, it was a very convincing text. I like how you address a theme here, about the role of parents, and the relationship between mother and child. It makes me feel like the letter here is not only trying to express what's going on, especially in the case of Ruben, but is addressing children worldwide who were just raised the "wrong way by their parents." You definitely set the scene well.

Some points that struck me while reading:

Promise you won’t get mad, won’t shout, won’t yell out in anger?

This statement sounds like an interesting and very desolated relationship between child and mother. As she would always get angry or even try to hurt the writer.
I think you have been misunderstanding for a while now, you see in this mind I think my own things.

I find your description of “in this mind I think my own things” fascinating and well written. In the context of the text in seems like another try to say “My body is my problem / matter”.
Maybe it isn’t laziness, maybe I really just don’t want to carry on anymore.

At first, I thought, it sounded like a suicide note, than I realized, that the sentence try to explain the laziness and the behavior of the child.
Maybe it isn’t stupidity either, maybe I am actually very emotionally intelligent and is beginning to realise my own mental state.

A problem that is around the whole world; parents and teachers don´t see, when a child as problems. They say, one is stupid or lazy, but don´t think about the possibility to have mental issues. A sad problem in this world, and the consequence are coming really late, when the children are adult.
“Maybe if you stopped crying to your teachers and got off that phone you wouldn’t be having this ‘anxiety’.”

I´m now realizing, that the mother isn´t bad or anything like this, but don´t know much about her child or children in general. That isn´t a thing a parent should say to a child.
I don’t think you properly understand what’s going on in this small but short living head of mine, you wouldn’t survive a day in my shoes I can assure you of that.

Until now I was on the side of the child, because of his general writing style (I think it should be a letter?). This sentence is a bit strange in comparison (or in a good way), because one can clearly read a sort of annoying restlessness in it. I would even go so far and say, that the last part of the sentence could be shouted. (or be written in a bad writing). Still I Iike it.

I like the way you set up and present the whole letter. It has a good style and I like how sometimes there are these parts where Ruben almost gets upset. I like that he always tries to stay neutral, but I can also read a certain sadness when you read some passages a few times.

I especially like the self-reflection in Ruben. For me, it seems as if he still believes that Ruben could be the problem himself, and yet he provides the solution that it is actually his mum. The question that remains here is to what extent she is responsible for the way he has become and how much of this is due to Ruben himself.

The ending in particular works very well, leaving the reader hanging there with a clear open ending. The PS in particular gave me the feeling that the child actually wants to love her mother and is looking to see something good in the lines she has written. I liked that very much.

Have fun writing!

Mailice.






Hey there, I don't know if i made it clear but I actually wrote this in my position. All of what I said is really going on so I decided to write this to clear my mind a lot. Oh and the name...I made a typo :((( it's supposed to be Rubes (my actual name) anyways have a good day and thank you for your review



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Sat Jun 05, 2021 2:22 am
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PixieStix wrote a review...



Hello! Pix here to say a few words :)

I'm guessing this is from your personal point of view, so I'm going to write this as if it is.

I'm no longer at your age, but when I was thirteen I had the same exact relationship with my mother-- I could honestly never forget. I actually would come on YWS whenever I felt lonely like I had nobody to talk to; and would write my frustrations out just like this.

Firstly, I wanted to say that your use of language is very powerful and I could almost feel what you're saying through the screen. It saddens me that you didn't send this to her, or that you felt like you would be ignored. You're a beautiful writer.

You also mentioned that you confide in your teacher, which is perfectly fine! Don't let her ruin that relationship. I've found that even through college, my teachers were there to better me even more then my parents. Your mother probrably just feels jealous; and that's her fault (from what I've read) and not yours.

There are a few grammar mistakes, but since this is such an informal letter, I feel as though it's not really important to fix them.

I hope that one day you reconnect with your mother in a positive light :)

Pix






Thank you so much! It is very personal and it's quite confusing at the moment if I'm honest. That's why I go to my teacher mostly... Anyways stay safe.




Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
— John Oliver