I’m truly sorry. I don’t have any advice, but I hope you know you’ll be in my prayers.
If you adopt me
-
Will you hug me when my thoughts dominate me?
Will you hold me when my exhaustion leaves me paralyzed?
Will you be there if I fall into your arms when I collapse from fear?
-
Can you wake me up early to help my sleep schedule?
Can you let me do nothing on days I feel like shit?
Can you not ignore me when I am having flashbacks of them?
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Please clutch me hard when I cry.
Please understand I’m not perfect.
Please show me that you want me to carry on.
-
If you adopt me,
-
Be there in my darkest times,
Be my support when I faint,
Be the one you fight for.
Note from author: Hey guys, this piece means a lot to me. This is a very personal poem; it just flowed out of me without proper thinking. I haven't had the energy to post for the past few weeks, and I apologize: however I have had to think about myself lately. I am worried not going to lie. There is a teacher, I have trusted her with more than I have ever told anyone. I really want her to adopt me, for I have thought about it tons recently. She won't see this but if by chance I have the courage to show her this, know that I love you so much and have wanted this for a while. I haven't asked you though, for it is impossible for it to happen...
Anyways, thank you for reading. Please drop a small comment or review, and please give any advice for this situation. I am struggling and really want this. Obviously it can't happen, but if anyone has any tips on how to cope (without speaking to her, I'm not ready for that yet) I would really appreciate it.
All the best,
Rubes x
I’m truly sorry. I don’t have any advice, but I hope you know you’ll be in my prayers.
Hello Ruby! Incoming review!
Oh boy this is a powerful poem. I don't have any practical tips for your situation, unfortunately, but I hope everything works out for you in the end <3. I will be reviewing your poem as a poem so lets get started.
I guess I'll start with critique. I know the bold for the whole poem is a choice but I think if you were to put the first parts of the lines like "Please clutch me, Please understand, Please show me," in bold and keep the rest like regular text. I feel like it would give a sense of really wondering if she'll give you the things your mother never gave you. <33 But I do think you could keep the last stanza all in bold because those are supposed to be the most powerful.
The only other critique is with this line
I dunno, something about this line to me feels off. I think it could be from the use of "them." It comes across as too vague. Even though the preceding line tells us what "them" are, sh*t days, all the line in question can be read as complete thoughts on their own with no prior context.Can you not ignore me when I am having flashbacks of them?
These are things a guardian is supposed to do and these phrases gesture at your parent not providing that. It's so heartbreaking <333. I can also see you in her lap like a small child, and you are drifting away to sleep from the exhaustion. And that segways into the lineWill you hug me when my thoughts dominate me?
Will you hold me when my exhaustion leaves me paralyzed?
Will you be there if I fall into your arms when I collapse from fear?
Can you wake me up early to help my sleep schedule?
Its so sad to see you feeling this way, and again I hope everything turns out in your favour <3.Please clutch me hard when I cry.
Please understand I’m not perfect.
Please show me that you want me to carry on.
hey first off this poem is just so emotional I felt like I could feel what you were feeling and were in your shoes for a mere moment. as for critiques, i can't find anything i would think you need to change. i especially love this because it has the repeating lines, "will you", "can you", "please", etc. Also this poem is unique because you can easily add more to it if you'd ever want to. you could go into more detail on how you were feeling and do another repeating line before the last stanza.
as for the coping issue, writing is huge. and it seems like you use that to cope already. also i know that you're wanting a parental figure in your life, an official one. but maybe a close friend to talk to could be helpful? someone who can do some of those things? i know that won't replace this feeling but it could definitely help. me and a close friend actually helped each other with brushing our teeth. we sent pictures of ourselves brushing our teeth to each other to help motivate the other to do basic tasks. also talking to someone is huge, whether it's having them distract you or being able to rant to them. i know it's helped me massively.
now if you can't find someone or ever need to talk my snap is orl047 and my ig is reganlux
anywho, please keep writing. you're amazing and i love your work and i hope you have a great day!
hey, deep emotion here!
you'll eventually have to brake that ice(the not talking to her about it) but as you've decided not to at the moment then truly enjoy the moments you have with her. you've mentioned how you trust her more than anyone else so literally you've opened up to her and have decided she wont bite, so maybe dive deeper in the opening up. cherish your moments with her 'coz when you come to tell her, expect one of two possibilities; positive and not so positive. and when the later happens to come up, try not to close up again however weird it might feel. (from experience here!)
anyway, away from there nice work with your writings...
hey, deep emotion here!
you'll eventually have to brake that ice(the not talking to her about it) but as you've decided not to at the moment then truly enjoy the moments you have with her. you've mentioned how you trust her more than anyone else so literally you've opened up to her and have decided she wont bite, so maybe dive deeper in the opening up. cherish your moments with her 'coz when you come to tell her, expect one of two possibilities; positive and not so positive. and when the later happens to come up, try not to close up again however weird it might feel. (from experience here!)
anyway, away from there nice work with your writings...
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