HELLO this looks really cool, so I just had to check it out! c:
The girl sighed and stared at the blank piece of paper sitting on her desk.
This is just a personal opinion, so feel free to ignore if you don't agree, but I would personally replace "the girl" with "she" ^_^
“Ugh, why does this always happen, I run out of ideas before I even set this wretched pen on paper”
I believe you're missing some end punctuation here c:
But omg, this is so relatable 0.0 And I really like how you can sense Elli's frustration though her dialogue! Especially with using strong words, like "wretched" :)
18 year old
Usually in writing, a number like 18 would be spelled out ^_^
She paused...froze in her chair...stared.
"paused" and "froze" essentially mean the same thing, so I personally think you could compress it to "She paused/froze in her chair" c:
she came back to reality and began to dip her pen in the cheap solution and began writing her letter…
Just some repetition that I noticed! c: I personally would avoid this repetition, but it's up to you! One way you could rewrite this is "she came back to reality and dipped her pen in the cheap solution to begin writing her letter…
To the one I am forced to part with,
Ooh, I love this greeting! It sounds so heartbreaking
She rested her head in her lap and snuffled in a quiet fashion and clutched herself hard and stayed still for a minute.
There are a lot of "ands" here - I would consider condensing this sentence, or splitting it up into parts. Up to you though!
I have been so lucky to share 5 years of my childhood along with you.
Ahh this letter is pretty sad; it tackles a pretty tough idea, the idea of growing up, and growing distant from the ones you love </3
I love the back-and-forth from the letter to Ellie's thoughts! It's cool to see how she currently feels while composing the letter and what's running through her mind - it's valuable insight c:
Once again, she stared out her tattered, mouldy window, this time emotionless.
Something I've noticed is that you're really good at having the descriptions match the mood! I love how you described the window; using negative words really emphasizes that atmosphere of this story
I want to relive my entire childhood, to be able to make the most of this extraordinary schooling experience that I have been through.
This </3 I love how well you're exploring the idea of growing up and maturing
here is my phone number if you want to chat any time (---------)
If they have each other's phone numbers, I wonder why she's thinking the way she is? Like Ellie said earlier "I'll never hear your soothing voice" or something similar to that. But couldn't they just call each other? Or, why can't they still write to each other? Or visit from time to time? Like a lot of people come back and meet their school buddies or stay in touch c: Just some thoughts!
The feeling didn’t vanish, not until she heard a response from her phone a few weeks later...
OMG I'm so curious as to what the response is!
I can understand why some people might appreciate a more definite ending, but I don't mind the vague ending! c: It's so open-ended and allows for sooo many possibilities, all for the reader to decide which way they want to end the story!
My favourite thing about your writing style is being able to tie in images and descriptions with what is going on in the story. You are consistently really good at that throughout all of your stories, and it adds so much overall. In addition, all of your stories are quite unique, and I love how I'm never able to guess how it's going to end! ^_^
Anyway, I hope these comments prove useful to you! <3 Can't wait to read more from you ^_^
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