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The last letter...

by YourFriendQuirks08


Ellie dabbed her pen in the ink pot, it was drenched in the black liquid - dripping in a manner too difficult to write anything. The girl sighed and stared at the blank piece of paper sitting on her desk.

“Ugh, why does this always happen, I run out of ideas before I even set this wretched pen on paper” The 18 year old dropped her pencil so harshly that the ink splattered all over the floor and her writing space. She angrily grabbed a tissue and scraped her carpet until all that remained was a large smudge of black. She paused...froze in her chair...stared. After approximately 20 seconds, she came back to reality and began to dip her pen in the cheap solution and began writing her letter…

--

To the one I am forced to part with,

Thank you, thank you for always sticking beside me. I will never forget the endless love you have shared with me, or the bond we have created. You have helped me more than you will ever realise ; and sadly, it is the end. 

--

She rested her head in her lap and snuffled in a quiet fashion and clutched herself hard and stayed still for a minute. Ellie thought for a second and began to continue with her letter.

--

We have to go our separate ways, I go to college soon after all. I will never be able to hear your soothing voice or see your welcoming expression...ever again. I already feel broken without your presence near mine. Just know that I fully appreciate all you have sacrificed for me and many other people: I have been so lucky to share 5 years of my childhood along with you.

You have shaped my future more than you will ever acknowledge or understand, you have sculpted me into a better person than I was years and years ago.

--

Over and over she read, making sure that nothing was over emphasized or was written in an unprofessional way. It seemed to make sense to her, however she felt to check again...and again.

“This probably sounds stupid...immature” she thought to herself “It’s so wasteful, why waste his time with this...he is busy after all” Once again, she stared out her tattered, mouldy window, this time emotionless. She looked back at her page and felt like writing more…

--

This last message fills my eyes with tears, now finally accepting that it is unlikely we will ever cross paths again in the lengthy future we will both live to. I honestly can not imagine a future without seeing the school and all these long corridors...I am now heading into the big world. Except I don’t think I am ready to be an adult yet, I want to relive my entire childhood, to be able to make the most of this extraordinary schooling experience that I have been through.

--

After scraping the remains of the fine ink out of the glass pot, she ended her letter with a simple paragraph, and of course her usual signature.

--

So this is the last paragraph I will ever write to you...the hardest too. I have no idea what to say, good luck in all you do. I hope you stay happy and positive throughout the next years of your job and working journey. I will miss you very much, here is my phone number if you want to chat any time (---------). Last words, I love you and you are an inspirational individual I strive to be like when I am older.

Love and hugs sent,

Ellie

--

Ellie looked at the page, with a disorientated face. She seemed puzzled at her long attempt to communicate with her professor one last time.

She folded the page neatly and placed it into a pastel pink envelope ; the girl sealed it with a scarlet red stamp, ensuring that she put it bang in the centre: the perfectionist flowed out of her as she both wrote and stuck the flap to the main base. She opened her front door, ran to the musty post box as if it were going to be taken that instant, and slipped the card through the entrance of the tall, stable construction. A sudden feeling of worry overwhelmed her as she shut the door of her 1 bedroom apartment.

“That was a bad idea...” she mumbled as she sat again in her hard chair.

The feeling didn’t vanish, not until she heard a response from her phone a few weeks later...


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Wed May 12, 2021 11:45 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



HELLO this looks really cool, so I just had to check it out! c:

The girl sighed and stared at the blank piece of paper sitting on her desk.


This is just a personal opinion, so feel free to ignore if you don't agree, but I would personally replace "the girl" with "she" ^_^

“Ugh, why does this always happen, I run out of ideas before I even set this wretched pen on paper”


I believe you're missing some end punctuation here c:
But omg, this is so relatable 0.0 And I really like how you can sense Elli's frustration though her dialogue! Especially with using strong words, like "wretched" :)

18 year old


Usually in writing, a number like 18 would be spelled out ^_^

She paused...froze in her chair...stared.


"paused" and "froze" essentially mean the same thing, so I personally think you could compress it to "She paused/froze in her chair" c:

she came back to reality and began to dip her pen in the cheap solution and began writing her letter…


Just some repetition that I noticed! c: I personally would avoid this repetition, but it's up to you! One way you could rewrite this is "she came back to reality and dipped her pen in the cheap solution to begin writing her letter…

To the one I am forced to part with,


Ooh, I love this greeting! It sounds so heartbreaking

She rested her head in her lap and snuffled in a quiet fashion and clutched herself hard and stayed still for a minute.


There are a lot of "ands" here - I would consider condensing this sentence, or splitting it up into parts. Up to you though!

I have been so lucky to share 5 years of my childhood along with you.


Ahh this letter is pretty sad; it tackles a pretty tough idea, the idea of growing up, and growing distant from the ones you love </3

I love the back-and-forth from the letter to Ellie's thoughts! It's cool to see how she currently feels while composing the letter and what's running through her mind - it's valuable insight c:

Once again, she stared out her tattered, mouldy window, this time emotionless.


Something I've noticed is that you're really good at having the descriptions match the mood! I love how you described the window; using negative words really emphasizes that atmosphere of this story

I want to relive my entire childhood, to be able to make the most of this extraordinary schooling experience that I have been through.


This </3 I love how well you're exploring the idea of growing up and maturing

here is my phone number if you want to chat any time (---------)


If they have each other's phone numbers, I wonder why she's thinking the way she is? Like Ellie said earlier "I'll never hear your soothing voice" or something similar to that. But couldn't they just call each other? Or, why can't they still write to each other? Or visit from time to time? Like a lot of people come back and meet their school buddies or stay in touch c: Just some thoughts!

The feeling didn’t vanish, not until she heard a response from her phone a few weeks later...


OMG I'm so curious as to what the response is!

I can understand why some people might appreciate a more definite ending, but I don't mind the vague ending! c: It's so open-ended and allows for sooo many possibilities, all for the reader to decide which way they want to end the story!

My favourite thing about your writing style is being able to tie in images and descriptions with what is going on in the story. You are consistently really good at that throughout all of your stories, and it adds so much overall. In addition, all of your stories are quite unique, and I love how I'm never able to guess how it's going to end! ^_^

Anyway, I hope these comments prove useful to you! <3 Can't wait to read more from you ^_^




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Awe, thank you so so much! It means a lot ; I will ensure that my word choice gets sorted out in my next piece!
Stay safe,
Rubes x



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Thu May 06, 2021 3:02 am
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ZD FLORO wrote a review...



Hi author! First of all, I want to say that your story is very convincing. My teacher told me to give a review of the works published here on the site. I picked this story because it catches my attention.

The title captured my curiosity. Though the concept was common you still managed to make it very persuasive for the readers. All in all, there are no negative comments about your work. The story is not long and not too short. I love the theme and I enjoy your work.

Thank you for this short story. It brings me inspiration to write short stories with also common ideas. Again, thank you, YourFriendQuirks08.




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Awe thank you so much! Xx



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Sun May 02, 2021 1:59 pm
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Adoycey wrote a review...



Hi miss author! I hope you had a great day today. Here's my short review of your story. I'll just give my opinions on how I critiqued your work. Disclaimer, I am not a professional but I would like to acknowledge the effort of this amazing author.

I must say that the way how the short story was presented was neat. I understood it very well. I liked how the introduction was presented that she was irritated on the ink, it was hilarious! Then, I would like to point out the transition of the character in the story and how she began her writing. It was good. It's like I am the one writing the letter and the emotions were there. While reading your story I thought it was a one-sided love to a classmate, but it turned out to be a professor. I liked how it was not mentioned above and it made the readers wonder who is the one mentioned in the letter. Aside from that, I would like to comment on how detailed the story was. It makes the reader realistically imagine the scene. It was amazing. Lastly, the part where you ended the story was good. It was open-ended. It makes me wonder what the response is.

Generally, the contents of your writing were really good. I could recommend this short story to my other friends! Can I ask? Are you really only thirteen? So far, as a thirteen-year-old writer, you did a great job. The way the story goes it was good and it looked like a professional just posted a short story here. I can say that your journey only starts here. I believe that you could improve more on your writing. Keep writing and inspire more readers to write!




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Hey 1st of all, thank you for your review! I was really looking forward to posting this story and hoping to see some encouraging reviews.
Yes I am only 13, haha!
There are some writers my age who can write a lot better than me for sure, but thanks for the compliments and for taking the time out of your day to comment on the features.

Stay safe and keep writing,
Love Rubes x



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Sat May 01, 2021 10:39 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi YourFriendQuirks08,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Your introduction is wonderful. You fall right in with your descriptions and you don't let yourself get away from showing everything in more detail. It makes you feel like you can see everything pictorially. Coupled with the brief commentary from Ellie and the comments about the emotions she has when she wants to put something into action, you can get a very good picture of the person.
After finishing the reading, it gives the first paragraph a very special meaning again! :D

You make good pauses with the short sections of the letter and the switch to Ellie to take in the written text but also to show more of Ellie. One notices that she doesn't have an easy time writing this letter and I think that probably has to do with the fact that she is very close to the person she is writing the letter to and maybe even loves them.

Over and over she read, making sure that nothing was over emphasised or was written in an unprofessional way. It seemed to make sense to her, however she felt to check again...and again.


I think this has become one of the best short sections. Since it's also after a certain section that reveals some information about their shared past, I think it works very well that you put this sentence in here, because it shows how much Ellie is reluctant to actually write this letter.

This last message fills my eyes with tears, now finally accepting that it is unlikely we will ever cross paths again in the lengthy future we will both live to. I honestly can not imagine a future without seeing the school and all these long corridors...I am now heading into the big world. Except I don't think I am ready to be an adult yet, I want to relive my entire childhood, to be able to make the most of this extraordinary schooling experience that I have been through.


This excerpt of the letter gives me a very clear sense that Ellie does not yet know exactly what to do with her life. While the first excerpts sound mature and confident, here you've managed to make this part sound like she's having doubts about the future. The uncertainty and nervousness you write here shows me how in some ways she is afraid of entering adulthood, having only lived the cage of youth so far.

She seemed puzzled at her long attempt to communicate with her professor one last time.


This gives a whole new meaning to the whole letter Ellie wrote and I had to read it through a second time as I initially thought the letter was to a classmate. Now that I have finished reading it, I have come to the conclusion that Ellie is a completely different person than I had initially imagined her to be. You really surprised me with this. It gives the short story a deeper meaning that is almost frightening at times.

You have presented a truly exciting story with this short story, where my only criticism is that you could perhaps expand on some parts, such as a special event that they both experienced.
But I can also understand that Ellie wants to draw a line with this letter and therefore keeps it short.
I think it's a shame that it has such an open ending. :D Maybe you could write another letter from the professor's point of view. In summary, I can say that it was a great story with vivid descriptions and a successful letter!

Mailice.




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Oh wow, thank you so much! Your review has certainly put me in a great mood for sure.
So the letter that is included was almost a seperate piece as I was imagining writing the letter in the near future who means a lot to me. That is probably why the letter was so heart felt...it actually came from the heart. I wanted to use it as a story, to share it with others like you so I decided to add a story line to it. I was kind of just letting my hand flow, therefore some parts could use some work. I am overly proud of the effect that it has had on you as well!

I might start writing a reply as a part 2...I have never done a part 2 of a story or something, however it seems like something I could work towards for this boring weekend, haha!

Thank you for your review and ideas, I will definitely bear it in mind for my other works and possibly a part 2.

Thanks for reading,
Love Rubes x



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Sat May 01, 2021 2:07 am
AndName wrote a review...



Hi!


First of all, your writing is really great! There was such a mystery about who she was talking to and why she was having such a hard time writing the letter. I loved how she was writing with ink and how she sealed the letter with wax- though I was confused for a moment as to when in time this was placed. Maybe you can fit some scene building in this somewhere, like her considering her childhood bedroom and how much she has grown. Or you can spin off of the stain and write her realizing how many stains she has left in her living space and how she's feeling about living in a new place (college).

Similarly, I was slightly confused about who she was writing too. I thought she was writing to a childhood crush or friend. Maybe this is just because I've never had a strong connection to a teacher so I cannot relate to 'loving' a teacher like the protagonist.

Besides from those slight confusions, this is a wonderful story that had so much mystery! The only other thing I noticed was in the beginning she described the ink as cheap and at the end when it was near empty thought of it as being fine. Maybe this could be a metaphor to how she learned from the teacher? When she was young she took it for granted, but now that time is over she holds it in high regards? Just a thought!


AndName :)




YourFriendQuirks08 says...


Heya, thank you for your review!

To be honest I never really thought of the time period, I just felt I could expand more with the old school way of writing haha! She was writing to a teacher whom she loved and had made many memories across her school journey by the way, I apologize for it being so unclear haha!

Thanks for the review ; I hope you are well and safe,
Love Rubes x




The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price