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Young Writers Society



The virtual days

by YourFriendQuirks08


The virtual days

I remember the days online

Joy was spread

Yet fear was felt

But we tried to reassure one another

That it would all be alright

When we couldn’t even think it ourselves

                                                                                Your eyes glistened as your camera appeared

                                                                                          Hair straightened shining in the sunlight,

                                                                                                            From windows of your home

                                                                                                                That you may never leave

Tired, too incredibly tired

To turn on my camera

And to let my straggled hair be shown in shadows

That I may never overcome

                                                                                        Your voice echoed through these 4 walls

                                                                                                                 Sounding dear so sweet

                                                                                                For only the windows of your home

                                                                                                              That you may never leave

Terror, too much terror

To speak to muted thoughts

Through a dark, colourless screen

That I may never overcome

                                                                                                                        I see your emotions

                                                                                                Fear, worry and never ending hope

                                                                                                          In the windows of your home

                                                                                                              That you may never leave

My feelings are messed around

I am scared, I am anxious, and yet I believe I can hope

In the windows of my poor home

That I want and need to leave now

                                                                                                                   I hated the days online

                                                                                                     You wasn’t okay the whole time

                                                                                             And yet you still tried to reassure me

                                                                                                              That it would all be alright

                                                                                When no one could even think it themselves


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278 Reviews


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Sat Jun 05, 2021 5:33 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey, Quirks! Lee's here to drop off a quick review!

This poem manages to captivate your audience quite well because of how relatable it is. A lot of us have been badly affected by this pandemic, and many of us are still living through the wave of change it brought. The anxiety, pain, uncertainty and depression caused by the disease has surfaced well through the words in your poem. Good job.

I remember the days online

Joy was spread

Yet fear was felt

But we tried to reassure one another

That it would all be alright

When we couldn’t even think it ourselves

Bit contradictory, isn't this? I mean, if you take out just the first three lines it makes sense, but add the rest and the second line's value is questionable. Joy was felt, yes; when schools were closed. "Yet" we were afraid; that's already providing a contrast. So why a "but" to imply another contradiction?
It's natural to seek reassurance when we're afraid, after all.

From windows of your home

That you may never leave

I quite liked the refrain here, along with "That I may never overcome." It captured the essence of this pandemic perfectly. I have to applaud you for doing that.

When no one could even think it themselves

Hmm. On what note did you seek to end this poem? For a moment there was a sign of hope, not giving up, and then it's back to something a little gloomy. I did like the effect, but if it was unintentional you could give it another look and see if you want to leave, modify, or change it.

I can't comment on much else because this is a personal poem. Nitpicking would feel quite weird. But you've displayed talent and are worthy of praise. Good work! I hope to see more of your writing around.
~ Lee






Thank you so much. Your comment is much appreciated x



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Sat Jun 05, 2021 4:31 pm
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Hello there YourFriendQuirks08! Incoming review!

Message
It's truly frustrating how the days only seeing people virtually were, and for some still are, tiring. The message really brings forth that we're trying to comfort one another when we can even help ourselves. But we still try. Something about having our own screen be black is more anxiety enduing than having our camera on. It's one tough thing to go through. You still want to be with friends, in fact it's even easier, but things are just not the same.

Formatting
I love how each stanza is made to be on the other side. It also switches the focus from you to your friend. The ones formatted on the right are mostly about your friend and the ones on the left are about you. But something interesting is that the last 2 stanzas are about you. Its almost like you forgot you are trying to talk with your friend and you are left spaced out, alone with your thoughts. I also like how each last line that correspond with you or your friend have the same ending line. But the last 2 lines line up with the first 2 lines. It gives your poem a sense of cohesiveness. Good job!

Grows
The biggest thing I could see was this line,

You wasn’t okay the whole time
Did you mean to put weren't? One other thing I would suggest to do is to shorten some of your lines that kinda stick out when you look at them. While just looking at them doesn't look nice, it throws off the flow a bit.

But that's All I have, beautiful poem with a beautiful message. Feel free to take the stuff you want and ignore the stuff you don't! Have a nice day! Anyway byeeeeeeeeee<3






Thank you so much. Your comment is much appreciated x




they got that magical iridescence that you don't expect to be on a sky rat y'know
— Ari11