Young Writers Society

Hi YourFriendQuirks08,

Mailice here with a short review!

Most of the poems I've read always have this underlying sadness or happiness in them, trying to make the reader either thoughtful or happy. You can think of it as a form of poetry where the character is in a threshold point, between two poles. One is unsure where he will fall.

Your poem, on the other hand, by being direct and clear, has already fallen towards one of those poles. The expressions you use, as already mentioned, are direct and read without a veil, which probably also means that when one is on that pole, it is already too late for one person.

You don't even try to disguise it or play happy anymore, but it is clear that the point has arrived that there is no way to help. You start with this stanza that you are already lost in the world, which shows that the mask you were wearing has now fallen off.

You put in a very good example with alcohol, which is probably, among other drugs and addictions, an attempt to escape the world and get away. Also your second to last stanza, where you talk about wanting to cut your throat, shows the seriousness, and also the bitterness, because there suddenly fellow human beings start to show compassion. I think it's a good comparison, especially because today's society no longer - at least I think - approves of people getting sick and falling out or having mental problems.

The only criticism I can think of is that it's a bit too short, on the other hand I don't know if it would be good to make the poem a bit longer. I liked it, probably also because it doesn't try to disguise. It's something like a last cry for help, a suicide note.

A lot of people with anxiety or depression try to express their inner selves through art and poetry, which can usually help them feel better again and reflect.

It is hard to open up about such problems, probably also because you put it down and you think that what you have in your head is not a problem. Of course this is not the case and a hurt can be external as well as internal!

Have fun writing! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me!

Mailice.

I really like this poem I feel like you really understand problems and how to talk about them good luck with getting help and getting this sorted...im here for u

I literally love this poem, I feel like you portray images across really well without getting too descriptive. I think I'll start off with my praises. I appreciate how the repetition of the lines "Lost, lost, lost" gives the message power, strength, and consistency. Also, I noticed that the first and last stanzas are the same, and I literally think that's genius. It's almost like the meaning changes, even though we know that it's actually the same. When I write poetry, I usually have some aspect of repetition, so I loved your poem a lot more because of it. I also love how there's some lines that rhyme, that always spices things up a bit. The perfect example, "Just a note, / When I cut my throat, / Don’t act like you cared / Don’t you declare" this would be as meaningful as it is, and disturbing, if it didn't rhyme. Like I said, the rhyming here is scrumptious. My favorite lines are, "Seems like I’m livin’ the best life / When really I use the blade of a knife / Lost myself in my mind / Lost, lost, lost" because they show that how the world perceives you has nothing to do with who you actually are, and what your experiences are. It kinda ties into that whole 'don't judge a book by its cover' thing.
"lost myself in the world" - this line here, really slaps. It can be exhausting, trying to keep up with what a bunch of strangers have decided you must be like. Societal norms, expectations, and attitudes can easily distract people from being who they really are, it's honestly kinda scary.
My only piece of criticism is this, I wish there were more! I think that in general, the length of a poem has nothing to do with how powerful a message it portrays. But in this case, I wish there could have been a little bit more. Like I feel like it seems almost unfinished. Maybe you could expand upon certain details a bit. But this is just my opinion, so don't feel obliged to change anything (it's already so good).
OVERALL - while this is only the first piece of yours I've read, I can already sense a distinct writing style emerging here. Keep at it! You're talented!

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this poem!
My PM's are always open!

Stay safe and quirky, Rubes