I drift with the clouds
Gaze at their every steady turn
See past my mistakes and learn
Forget all the pain, oh how it used to burn…
I float with the waves
Wash away with the shore
Open a once shut door
Never fall again on one’s floor
I whistle with the birds
Sing their sweet tune
Stare, at peace with the night moon
Swim in the evenings lagoon
I read with wise owls
Flick page after page
Gathering in one’s wage
Even at old age
Then I awoke from my sleep
To see I had fallen too deep
Dreaming at a working table
I couldn’t stand...not stable
I saw her in front of me...sad expression
She leant in and whispered a question
“I have always known you weren’t ok.
I sat here waiting for you to say”
I watched the tears form in my eyes
They welled, turnt to a thousand cries
I’m doing fine, doing alright
I said as I looked at the night
By Ruby - just thought I'd write something, I know it isn't great...just wanted my hand to run free :)
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140,477 Literary Works • 673,243 Reviews
There is something about dreams and healing, or at least trying to deal with pain. I think this is a poem that leaves a lot of free space for interpretation, so here are a few things I felt because of it and a few comments, afterall as a reviewer I have to at least pretend I'm cruel and cold
). At first I thought it was about healing in nature, but as it's nearing it's end it gathers a new layer of meaning. I see a person carrying a heavy burden, trying to escape the pain, doing that with the help of dreams, where he is truly free. I feel calmness after a long long time of pain, and a cruel return to reality when the dream ends. I find all of this very relatable. I love your style too, the whole thing sounds like a well written and rhyming song. Has that sound to it in my opinion. Only sometimes the rhymes feel forced but I quickly overlooked that as it technically helped the whole thing keep its flow. The only thing I found kind of annoying were the lines:
She leant in and whispered a question
“I have always known you weren’t ok.
I sat here waiting for you to say”
It sounds great, but I ain't sure what she said is a question. Maybe it's my english or maybe I don't get the question in there, but it's just a minor problem I have with this overall great poem. I enjoyed reading it alot, went through it a few times. Keep writing, I want to hear more stories told through poetry by you <3
Awe thank you so much for reviewing. It was just a quick piece so it isn't the best haha!
Hello, here for a short review!
I am not very good at writing poems, but I do love reading them. The most mesmerizing thing about a poem is that it is open to interpretations, every one reads a poem with their own different lens and it always means something different to each reader.
I really liked your poem especially the lines
"Then I awoke from my sleep
To see I had fallen too deep"
It made me feel sad for the person and made me empathize with them which is what I think poems aim to do. I felt the poem was about a person who had spent his life dreaming in order to escape the harsh reality and has woken up too late. I could be totally not getting what you wanted to project, but that's just what I think.
I also liked the lines:
"I have always known you weren’t ok.
I sat here waiting for you to say”
The ending was reassuring and more hopeful than the beginning of the poem, so yes, it was very fitting. Good job on the poem, it was very beautiful. Like Lizzy, I would suggest separating it into stanzas, but even if you don't, it works just fine.
I hope to read more of your works!
Heya, thank you for reviewing. I did put it in stanzas (atleast I thought) but I obvs didn't check it in the end. Love Rubes x
Hello, here for a short review!
I am not very good at writing poems, but I do love reading them. The most mesmerizing thing about a poem is that it is open to interpretations, every one reads a poem with their own different lens and it always means something different to each reader.
I really liked your poem especially the lines
"Then I awoke from my sleep
To see I had fallen too deep"
It made me feel sad for the person and made me empathize with them which is what I think poems aim to do. I felt the poem was about a person who had spent his life dreaming in order to escape the harsh reality and has woken up too late. I could be totally not getting what you wanted to project, but that's just what I think.
I also liked the lines:
"I have always known you weren’t ok.
I sat here waiting for you to say”
The ending was reassuring and more hopeful than the beginning of the poem, so yes, it was very fitting. Good job on the poem, it was very beautiful. Like Lizzy, I would suggest separating it into stanzas, but even if you don't, it works just fine.
I hope to read more of your works!
Hello, this is Lizzy,
First, I would like to say this was a beautiful poem. I am not sure if this is the meaning you meant, but I interpreted it as loneliness, and perhaps inadequacy? I got that from the fact that the person watched their tears form and fall, so to me, she? was in front of a mirror, and feeling inadequate. I may be totally off base here.
The only thing I might change would be separating the stanzas, because it was a little hard to follow without the defined stanzas.
Other than that, it was a heartfelt and truly emotionally beautiful poem.
Thank you so much for a review! I did seperate it originally however I obvs didn't check it before I posted it haha. Love Rubes x
Good Poem Great Write Would Love Too Read More Sometime
Thank you so much! Poems definitely aren't my strong point in writing but I thought to give it a try in half an hour %u2764%uFE0F love Rubes
Good Poem Great Write Would Love Too Read More Sometime