I want another coffee,
But alas!
I am a poor, broke college student
And I already need to lose weight,
So I have to be content
To stare at the coffee bar
And dream.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hello there!
Lehmanf here with a review!
This is a very short, interesting poem.
I think honestly you haven't really established any flow. The meaning is quite clear but like a cat without the meat.
It reminds me of some fights with my Dad over coffee... but a lot more than alas happens.
That went downhill pretty quickly, maybe the narrator should try and live off one fruit and two-minute noodles. Worked for me...
And stare at the coffeemaker... shout... scream... dream... wonder... ponder... asunder. Oh, right where were we? This ending is a very nice ending, just not a lot of meaning to it.
This poem can work in the context but something this short needs to be perfect so you might need to refine it a little bit.
I hope this finds you well
Lehmanf
Hey there! Lost here with a review!
Hm... indeed deep, atleast I can feel this, really well as an insane coffee lover. Though I'm not in college, I'm still in school but I can understand the narrator. That's kind of pathetic, not getting the coffee.
"I am a poor, broke college student
And I already need to lose weight"
I too need to lose some weight but me without coffee is just...I can't think of it, I can completely relate with the narrator...
"So I have to be content
To stare at the coffee bar
And dream."
That's sad, I can feel it *smile in pain*. Coffee bars are places that attract me like no other destination. That's kinda painful that the narrator can not get their coffee due to financial and health purpose.
Overall really good composition! I liked it! Vey relatable plus im not good at reviewing.
Keep up with your writing!
Good wishes!
Ah,when we can’t have our morning cup of coffee.It’s not being dramatic,it’s the truth.Coffee is love,coffee is life.The poem itself was short,but it was funny.It sucks when you can’t have what you want.Especially when it’s something in the morning.It’s also quite annoying for the individual,too.I hope you have a lovely and amazing day and night.
hey winny! i'm here with a review for you <3
i love this poem! it's short and simple, which is perfect for the topic you're writing about. i just have a couple of things i wanted to point out, so let's dive in!
capitalization and punctuation are entirely up to the author when it comes to poetry/prose, but i think that this poem would flow better if you didn't capitalize the first word of every line. for example:
that's just my opinion on that!
the final line of this poem is about the subject dreaming. but what are they dreaming about? i know it's easy to figure out, given the context of the poem, but are they dreaming about the coffee? are they dreaming about a perfect world where they can have as much coffee as they want? just something to consider.
that's all i have for you today! feel free to ignore what you don't like about this review, it won't really matter to me!
stay safe, and keep writing!
momo
Not really a review. I guess, but I just wanted to come and tell you this made me laugh. So flipping hard. Nice job - and I'm sure whatever weight you are is just fine lol XD
Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad you enjoyed it!