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She said you kiss like a fish.

by Tenyo

Dear Marcus, I write to you with great regret,
please, don't make any assumptions just yet!
I've tried so long and I've tried so hard,
but now it's time to end this façade.
You've always been my dearest friend
on whom I know I can depend,
I'd never meant to cause you strife,
but I must inform you- I'm stealing your wife.

Her skin is as smooth as a rose in bloom
and standing by her you look like a prune.
Sunlight streaks through the colour of her hair
but atop your head... well, there isn't much there.

Her irises are coloured like the sea and the sky-
but you're always squinting like there's dust in your eye.
One touch of her lips is like living in bliss,
and you're still the frog that no-one would kiss.

She deserves a life that's lived to the full
but your small talk is bland and your jokes are dull,
she's kind and gentle, like some creature divine,
and you've got a rod up where the sun don't shine.

I'll end this now and spare you the rest,
just try to remember it's all for the best.
Have a good life, I'll see you some day
and I'll pass your regards on to Annie-May.
Fare thee well, I wish you great luck!
Your's sincerely, your good friend Buck.

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22 Reviews

Points: 396
Reviews: 22

Wed Feb 26, 2014 11:46 pm
Caitlyn wrote a review...

This was a very entertaining piece that I definitely enjoyed. I like the rhyming, which you do exceptionally well, as well as the opposite personas of the wife and he (ex?) husband, which definitely made me laugh. The poem as a whole was wonderful and very clever. I don't typically read poetry, but this piece is definitely making me question why I don't. Good job!

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Points: 766
Reviews: 1

Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:53 am
Cendrify wrote a review...

Haha, this was very entertaining! I liked the way you created two opposites and still managed to keep it light and funny =). Ahh.. poor guy - got left by the wife AND was presented all of her good sides and all of his shortcomings in one fluid motion. Plus, I like the way the poem is styled like a letter.

Keep up the good work!

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17 Reviews

Points: 1438
Reviews: 17

Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:11 am
mina says...

Haha! Brilliant :)

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102 Reviews

Points: 196
Reviews: 102

Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:25 pm
TheShauzer wrote a review...

Hi tenyo, Shauzer here reviewing,
Only been reviewing stuff with no reviews lately, but this was so excellent I just had to review :) It's very funny, for a start. The way you referenced to him as a prune was brilliant :') I did find the way you said that he was the frog who nobody wanted to kiss very harsh, after all poor guy is losing his wife. I'd hate to say that you have a lot of poetic potential because I'm not great at poetry at all, but it's true you do! I couldn't find anything wrong with the wording, the flow was perfect and it had me laughing, your a brilliant poet :D Also, this must have taken you a long time, to thing of all the clever comparisons and what not. I'd love to read more of your work, very enjoyable, keep that nice flow you've got going and all should go swimmingly :D
Your fellow YWSer,

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57 Reviews

Points: 742
Reviews: 57

Wed Jan 29, 2014 4:42 pm
Animal says...

Awesome piece here.

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212 Reviews

Points: 13620
Reviews: 212

Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:08 pm
birk says...

Oh, how I love this.

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:21 pm
Jblog says...

This Is awesome.

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Tue Jan 28, 2014 8:37 pm
zangetsu says...

nice i never quite read anything like this but its awesome

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3747 Reviews

Points: 2312
Reviews: 3747

Tue Jan 28, 2014 7:54 pm
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Snoink wrote a review...

Oh dear. XD

I would like to point out three things that are a bit odd to me! One is a bit awkward... uh... yeah... so, begin!

I've tried so long and I've tried so hard,
but now it's time to end this façade. <-- This doesn't rhyme! Hard/facade? Yeah. No. :P

she's kind and gentle, like some creature devine, <-- You misspelled "divine" and it bugs me! :o


Spoiler! :
and you've got a rod up where the sun don't shine. <-- When I first read this, I was like, "Wait... rod? Isn't that a euphemism for male genitalia?" BECAUSE I'VE READ WAY TOO MANY ROMANCE NOVELS AND THAT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND. So, when I read about a rod being up where the sun don't shine, I was like, "Why wouldn't his wife like that?"

...were you talking about something being up his ass? *flails*


Anyway! It was definitely amusing. Yay for you!

Cadi says...

Hard/facade rhymes for me! I think that might be a UK/US accent difference :)
Also xD I mostly had to comment because that's a most excellent first association for the rod line. Do you know the idiom "got a stick up your [bum]"? Basically means being stern/inflexible/similar.

Tenyo says...

Hah! No, that's not what it meant! Oh dear gosh. Nonono. Maybe we have a few lingual differences here XD

Snoink says...

To be fair, romance novelists like to use that as a euphemism... *scarred for life*

And it must be a UK/US difference, regarding hard/facade. I pronounce it with a hard "ard" sound, like you would say "aardvark." And facade is "fah-sod."

Tenyo says...

'Fah-sod' sounds really weird. We say it 'fah-sard.'
I don't know about these books of which you speak, I've never read them. Okay, fine, maybe that ONE TIME, but it totes wasn't my book. I'll see if a better word comes to mind, for the sake of the literarily scarred.

Snoink says...

Fah-sard? That's weird! :o Phantom "r" sound, where did you come from?!

Cailey says...

Totally sitting here repeating fah-sod fah-sard fah-sod fah-sard...

mina says...

The rhyme works just fine. :)
Read Roald dahl's 'Revolting Rhymes' for more inventive pairings, Snionk. I can recommend them if you need a laugh!
This is a very funny poem - well done!

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46 Reviews

Points: 314
Reviews: 46

Tue Jan 28, 2014 7:31 pm
NicoleBri wrote a review...

Hello Tenyo! First of all I agree with fortis, this is genius. Any who I don't understand what made you choose the title because to me that had nothing to do with it so it confused me. Ilike that you are amazing at rhyming and it flowed great. =) Oh yes in your first stanza I don't see where hard and facade rhyme. Other than those two, I don't see any other problemd. It's an amazing piece of work!! Keep up the good writing!

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594 Reviews

Points: 106
Reviews: 594

Tue Jan 28, 2014 6:17 pm
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fortis says...

This is genius. <3

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