Young Writers Society

((Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the next generation of self degradation.))

Hey Tenyo. Inner Editor here to review; Your Life.

At first glance the structure seems a little all over the place. In some parts there’s too much action to keep track of, and in others the main character is sleeping most of the time. The high school and after-college areas are full of excitement, but the part entitled ‘unemployed and alone’ is rather a pathetic scene.

As for your main character, this protagonist is incredibly annoying. Protagonist's should be easily to relate to, and yours seems to have the brain of a monkey, or some other form of primate.

Repeating words tends to get boring, and there’s a few that you repeat quite often. The ones that stood out most where ‘dammit,’ and ‘oh shit.’ Which brings me cleanly onto my next point.

The term ‘shit’ is considered a curse word, and despite that you where only seven when you said it, that does not mean it is suitable for seven-year-old's to read. Please put in more consideration and rate your work more appropriately next time.

You have used the term ’The biggest mistake in the history of mistakes,’ several times during "Your Life". I don’t understand. Did you change your mind about what was the biggest mistake, or do you frequently screw up so bad you can’t decide?

For this, I would recommend going back to “Prologue: nine months before I was born,” where the term is first used. Do not use it after that. This will help to decide on a definite ‘biggest mistake.’

The romances referred to in chapters 14, 16, 17 and 19 all seem a little… Fantasy based, which is not appropriate for the genre. The person in chapter 17 is particularly unrealistic, and did chapter 19 reeaaly happen? Not to doubt the authenticity of your claims or anything, but, you know…

The high school grades are inconsistent with the antics as well. I don’t see how anyone who can cause a total of three science-laboratory explosions and cause so much damage could actually succeed in getting 2 A*s. Was your main character purposely destructive, or actually that dense?

This seemed to have no plot at all. If it did, it was quite chaotic. I don’t think your main character, or you, at that, has any clue where this story is going. I would suggest rewriting the whole thing.

Conclusion: overall, “Your Life” sucks.

Hope this helps.

~Frederick.