My pretty little heart

Hallo Tenyo! < 3 One shiny review for you today.

This poem is rather sweet and nice. The flow is generally good and the soft rhymes really add a nice touch to the stanzas. Despite the implications of the words, the poem has a sweet, lulling tone to it which really comes together well in the last stanza. The light, hearty tone made it a rather pleasant read.

Though, this wouldn't be a review without any nitpicks. One of the problems in this poem is one that I see a lot in poetry - some of your lines tend to be too long. This makes them awkward and ungainly, as well as breaking the flow of the poem.

The smooth, gleaming surface
turns the fingers black and bitten, but

wrapped up tight and held-
kissed with breath full of warmth

Hey! Here to review!~


My pretty little heart [While I feel like there's a bit of an eye-roll implied, I find it kind of odd you'd call your own heart "pretty," but perhaps that's just me.]
is made from ice. [Hm...it's a cool concept, but the way it's introduced just feels a little too simple and direct.]
It shines
and sparkles. [These two lines felt a little unnecessary to me, but perhaps that's just personal preference.]

It's full of light
and cold to touch.
The smooth, gleaming surface
turns the fingers black and bitten, but

wrapped up tight and held-
kissed with breath full of warmth
and love-

It melts;
just a little bit. [The ending is my favorite, and probably the only thing that really pulled my interest in this poem.]

Overall, I liked the ending, but the concept seemed to need more development in the way it was portrayed. It's a good idea, but it feels a little bare right now. I would've liked to see you add more to this and go further with the portrayal of ideas. This was a good poem, however, and all-in-all it had a nice vibe about it.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xx

Hey Ten!

Shady here with your review, as requested.

It's full of light
and cold to touch.

turns the fingers black and bitten, but

Love it.

Ten-Ten! What a gloriously icy sweet piece you've got here! What can I say, I easily fall in love with heartsy pieces like this Anyways, let me hit you up with a Quick Critique.

CONCEPT & THEME:
A thumbs up to the rocking cold idea behind the piece. You've seen your heart as ice, cold and brittle, this is a common theme already. However, the very effective use of the theme--well-crafted all throughout the piece--makes the poem very special and unique among others. I think the repetitive use of the themes about temperature and love and cold and warmth are almost heavenly. This is the power of the piece, I think.

STYLE:
A very good example of modern poetry, if I might say. Alternating patterns, unpredictable ways to chop the verses and the distinction of the verses, these are marks that make this poem very effective. I like this. Really like it.

TECHNICALITIES:
There are only a few, more one the totality of some stanzas.

My pretty little heart
is made from ice.
It shines
and sparkles.

The smooth, gleaming surface
turns the fingers black and bitten, but

wrapped up tight and held-
kissed with breath full of warmth
and love-

It melts;

Tenyo!
There are some really good intentions in here. I was legitimately surprised by the mention of the black and bitten fingers, because this poem started off so soft, simple, and nice. I liked, too, the very minimal surrender it gave: it only melted a little bit. Those were the hard parts in a soft poem I didn't expect. For lack of a better comparison right now, it's like surprise bits of egg shell in your omelette, except you don't like omelette and like egg shells better!? haha

What I mean to say is the parts that are soft and simple are almost too simple. "It shines and sparkles"? That can really only be taken at face value the way it's been set up, and I feel like I would get more from looking at a picture of an ice heart than from looking at your poem. But we don't want to write poems like that, and we don't have to. Just think: would a picture do this more justice? Then leave it to the photographers. Otherwise, find something to write that a picture cannot capture. That's the transition from the soft, innocent ice, to the biting, then melting ice. I dunno, I'm sure photographers would say they can capture that, too, but a poem, for me, seems the place for that transition of emotion.

That said, sure! You need the innocence at the beginning to transition from. But you need to make it special. You need to make it something that no one else could write, that a picture couldn't capture. Why did you choose the words "shine" and "sparkle"? What really captured you about that image? If nothing, reconsider and write a completely new one. But I wager it was the dimensions of the heart. You could see through it to the bottom. Something like the feeling of when we look through very clear, still water, and we can see far down. We know there's distance, but it's invisible, and it brings that sense of distance all the more closely to our hearts just because of that. Usually distance is so BIG that it stretches out of sight, but sometimes it's captured, like in an ice heart. That's my interpretation, at least.

So I'd say go deeper. I'd say examine what made you pick these words, and go beyond the easy words. If you want to write such a short poem, you have to make sure every word does like double-duty. Shines barely does one, you know?

PM me if you have any questions, please! Good luck, and keep writing!