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Young Writers Society



Mud mauled cuddle balls

by Tenyo


Tip top, chop shop
patchwork jeans,
ripped at knees
and torn at seams.

Tee-shirt too big
half white, not right,
two lost buttons
fell off last night.

Tattered, battered
blacks and blues,
ice cold tosies,
holey shoes.

Windswept hair,
ragdoll lookalike,
runny runny nose
and a rattling trike,

Turns up hungry-
long day's play.
Messy and muddy
every day.

Nothing to do,
nothing to say,
but love them, love them
love them anyway.

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66 Reviews

Points: 1882
Reviews: 66

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Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:34 pm
SisterItaly wrote a review...



Tenyo wrote:Tip top, chop shop
Tee-shirt too big
half white, not right,
two lost buttons, comma possibly?
fell off last night.

Tattered, battered
blacks and blues,
ice cold tosies,toesies
holey shoes.

Windswept hair,
ragdoll look forgot a space here alike,
runny, runny nose
and a rattling trike,



Over all I liked it, cute, funny and upbeat. This just made my day. In chat you can tell I'm kinda crabby and this actually made me laugh! First time all week! *le gasp!* Keep writing! *clicks the like button a million times over.*




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18 Reviews

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Reviews: 18

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 8:57 pm
Thegirlwholived wrote a review...



I love it. You're FABULOUS!*likes*





~Kim~




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Points: 2302
Reviews: 3

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:33 pm
Lindabelle says...



love this! it's so charming! good job




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562 Reviews

Points: 719
Reviews: 562

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:31 pm
Button wrote a review...



This is absolutely adorable. I loved this piece- it was sweet, concise, tightly woven, and just overall so well written. Great emotions, imagery, and flow... great job. :)




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318 Reviews

Points: 10870
Reviews: 318

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 4:16 pm
Abigail_W. wrote a review...



Fun fun fun! I love this poem! Hum hum hum! Drum drum drum! It makes me want to write in rhymes!

The flow is excellent. It is so carefree. Whoop de dee! Usually, when poems are as loose and fun as this, they lose structure and rhyme and aren't edited much. You managed to put a lot of time and thought into this poem while retaining the relaxed feel. Great job!

Tenyo wrote:Tee-shirt too big
half white, not right,
two lost buttons
fell off last night.


If the buttons were lost last night, they wouldn't have been there to fall off. I'm probably the only person who would think of that, but perhaps you could use a different word to describe "buttons"?

Tenyo wrote:Windswept hair,
ragdoll lookalike,
runny runny nose
and a rattling trike,


There's a break in the flow here. The word "lookalike" -- that's what does it. It sort of spoils the smoothness of the rest of the poem. Reword this part, maybe?

Tenyo wrote:Turns up hungry-
long day's play.
Messy and muddy
every day.

Nothing to do,
nothing to say,
but love them, love them
love them anyway.


"Long day's play." I love that. Love it, love it, love it! I like the last stanza, but I would take away the last "love them" and leave the final line of the poem with just "anyway." You see, you use three syllables in the last line of the second to last stanza, so I think it would flow better if you used the same number of syllables for the last stanza. I don't know, I just feel like, when you're reading the last line, you kind of have to speed up your words to make them fit, and poetry's generally supposed to be read slowly and with many pauses. Hopefully you know what I mean. In all, excellent poem! 8)





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