Wrap your words around me,
like a cradle of woven silk
above the earth and clouds and stars.
When the world below
conspires against us,
lift me higher than all the heavens.
Paint me with your colours,
every shade of the rainbow that you use
to paint the dreams inside my head.
Leave behind the rainwashed world
and take me to dance
across the northern lights.
Move the skies for me,
make the moon as bright as the sun,
and lay me down in a bed of stardust
The days will never be darkened,
and the night will never again
be so black.
Let me breath within you,
in your heart, the only place
that still feels warm-
and the only place left
where I still belong.
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139,320 Literary Works • 672,529 Reviews
I found this poem a little -almost imperceptibly-... Lacking. The flow was a bit bumpy and disrupted the meaning a bit. Not that this wasn't a good poem, which it was. Your scenery matched the mood and message very well. And I couldn't find any technical issues worth mentioning.
I just felt like it was... Missing something. I'm not sure what and it's probably just me, but it (whatever IT is) made the poem feel a little off.
But other than that it was perfect. I really liked this piece. And I hope to read more of your work.
Keep writing and sharing!
w&w
( sorry if the whole "off" thing confuses you, really it's probably just me).
You have some really good imagery. There's more than just photographic imagery there, you're making emotions shine. You've done an amazing job at making that come across. I also like how you kept everything the same for the most part, that's pretty cool. Formatting is good for certain poems, and I see here that you used it very well actually. You're showing great control over your writing, I hope I come back often enough to watch you continue to grow as a writer, keep up the good work Tenyo