Hiya Tenyo! Well, I think we've unanimously decided that this is extremely creative and cute. Oh, boy, is it cute! However, I think it's lacking something. I'll use the first line as an example ...
Tenyo wrote:His eyes look like he's about to cry-
What is it about his eyes that make it look like he's about to cry? Remember, show, don't tell. I understand the poem, but I don't see it, I don't feel it. Do you know what I mean? It's not enough to just say somebody is about to cry. However, it is enough to say that the light hits his the glimmering surface of his eyes and tickles the heart of whoever witnesses it. I'm not asking you to use these exact words, but, rather, to find a different way of saying what you already have.
I hope this helps!
- Abigail
P.S. Poor little eraser dog!
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