z

Young Writers Society



Poor Little Eraser Dog

by Tenyo


His eyes look like he's about to cry-
that flat eyebrowed look-
because the top of his head
was scraped and torn
in anger of a failed art project.

Poor little eraser dog.

He's missing one of his ears,
a careless mistake in a simple math problem.
For every foolish mistake there is someone
who must bare the consequences
and suffer the pain.

Poor little eraser dog.

And sometimes, sometimes he wishes
that he'd been made from wax and wick
so his torment would burn out
in just an hour or so.

Poor little eraser dog.

Still, he lifts his head so high,
with a blackened, stubby nose.
Proud, so proud he is of his purpose and duty.
But pride is hard for him to hold on to
when his beauty is stolen, and his body deformed.

Poor little eraser dog.

He sits in the dark
between the crayons and the mechanical pencil,
longing for light, but still
afraid of it, and of the warmth
of the hand that reaches to clutch him.

Poor little eraser dog.

Sometimes he dreams that he can howl
to the light of the moon, like the dogs
he sees in pictures,
or like his master, cry
over a battered old diary.
But his throat and eyes are made of rubber:
rubber cannot howl or cry.

Poor little eraser dog.

He can tell from the dates
scrawled across the tops of the pages-
soon the exams will come.
Fear will lead his master
to make a hundred more mistakes,
to smudge the last pages;

and that final word scribbled in haste
will be the signature of execution

of poor little eraser dog.

Spoiler! :
(Written in american-english. It's based on this blue rubber in the shape of a dog. In my time of desperation and lack of inspiration he was sitting there staring at me with a cartoonishly sad expression.
I solemly swear I will never again use his head to erase my poorly thought out ideas, nor will I rub his backside furiosly across the page as each one of those ideas fail.)


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318 Reviews


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Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:50 pm
Abigail_W. wrote a review...



Hiya Tenyo! Well, I think we've unanimously decided that this is extremely creative and cute. Oh, boy, is it cute! However, I think it's lacking something. I'll use the first line as an example ...

Tenyo wrote:His eyes look like he's about to cry-


What is it about his eyes that make it look like he's about to cry? Remember, show, don't tell. I understand the poem, but I don't see it, I don't feel it. Do you know what I mean? It's not enough to just say somebody is about to cry. However, it is enough to say that the light hits his the glimmering surface of his eyes and tickles the heart of whoever witnesses it. I'm not asking you to use these exact words, but, rather, to find a different way of saying what you already have.

I hope this helps!

- Abigail

P.S. Poor little eraser dog!




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Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:36 pm
SporkPunk wrote a review...



Hi Tenyo!

I really liked this. It was both adorable and sad. I don't know, I'm in between. I like the repetition of "poor little eraser dog" but I can also see how it's unnecessary. So, your call!

who must bare the consequences

My only nitpick is this. You should change it to "bear" because the verb "to bare" means to reveal or divulge, which makes absolutely no sense.

Other than that, good job!

--Sporks




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Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:02 pm
Snoink wrote a review...



Aw, this is adorable! :D

One thing! I would change the poem slightly to this:

Poor little eraser dog,
he's missing one of his ears,
a careless mistake in a simple math problem.
For every foolish mistake there is someone
who must bare the consequences
and suffer the pain.


And then get rid of every single "poor little eraser dog" which are independent stanzas. They just are repetitious and annoying, plus they don't actually do anything for the poem. Everything else is pretty much adorable. :D

And I feel the same about those sorts of erasers. It makes me so sad to use them! :o




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Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:47 pm
wonderland wrote a review...



Thats very awesome.
I like how you repeated the line 'Poor Little Eraser Dog.'
It made for brillant empiasies.

I really liked this poem. That was really cute and simple!
Your flow worked well with the short stanzas
PM me or write on my wall if you have any questions
Keep writing
~WickedWonder




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Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:20 pm
Jalmoc wrote a review...



This was very well thought through for a quick inspiration story. :) I love how you gave the eraser feelings and desires, it makes the readers feel attached to the story. I hope that you can write more interesting stories like this one right here! :) Keep on writing!




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Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:28 am
simplycomplex wrote a review...



Aw... that was kind of sad but really interesting and creative at the same time. I really don't have much to say because your grammar and form were great though I could go on forever about meaning. Instead of doing that, I'll just say great work and I really do like this poem. Many times, I try to write something like this only to get unsatisfactory results. This poem is very well written, especially considering how you used a subject that seems so simple at first.
That's all I have to say, so definitely keep writing!




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Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:08 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



I really like this! It kind of made me laugh, but it also kind of made me go, Oh, the poor little eraser dog!!! It's a very original idea, and I hope you don't mind if I say it was a cute poem. The language use was great. I also like how you made a serious point - whether intentionally or unintentionally - about the fact that someone always suffers when mistakes are made. And a further reading-into (aka dissection like we do in English class ALL THE TIME) could bring up a message about animal abuse, although I personally like to just enjoy poems, not dissect them.

All in all, I think this is a great poem, and I hope to see more like it. You're very creative!





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