Kiss

It's a wonderful play on the imagination of the reader. Very realistic yet fantastical and well-written. It makes you wonder about the lives of the two personas yet leaves the impression of contentment. KUDOS!!

This is amazing. So... agh! I love it. Simple, but never clichè.
I hope this gets featured and doesn't simply get lost in the forums with a few comments. Great job<3
Favorite lines:
"I’m the tool of betrayal used
To murder innocent blood.
I’m the gesture of reassurance
That calms and soothes your fears."

You're a kiss!
I really liked it. I laughed a lot and thought it was a fun poem

So beautiful.

I don't know if I want to say you have a gift for expression, or you just really wanted to write in a way that sounded artsy but had not real immediate direction. After all, I'm not exactly seeing much of a direction at all, which is odd seeing as you're usually quick to try and steer your work to create a relatively theme-based ideology.

I think, the biggest issue I had was with that immediate 'I'. The last line was supposed to tie it in like a riddle, but the expressions used were so far apart it took this halfway across the continent and back without really doing anything. Well, anything except making a statement that has nothing to do with the one atop or below it.

Which brings me to my point. I don't really get it. Like, poetry isn't supposed to be easy to understand, but if there is a direction, which there should be, where is it? And what am I supposed to take from this other than a list of things that don't correlate?

Expression is one thing. Personifying something with a direct comparison with the narrator is also an interesting bit, too, but if used with direction and backed by reason. Metaphors should be comparative. Imagery should have more conviction towards theme. The only thing this has going for it is expression, and even that throws this all over the map.

So my suggestion is to not cap yourself into two-lined stanza's, try to come up with an immediate ideology, and follow it accordingly with expressions that match that thought. A poet who lacks conviction will lose the ache that is so necessary. This did not make me ache.

Not my favourite from you, Tenyo, but keep writing. I've seen good things from you, and I'm sure to see more of it in the future. Any questions, feel free to ask.

Much love, as always,
~ Walker

Its beautiful. its almost like a riddle. I think it is a riddle but i cant quite grasp it. It sounds like a girl that would get in the way of everyones relationships. I dont know what they are called but they usually just break up relationships. I liked how the poem flowed and sensry detail. It warmed my heart.

This reminds me a ton of that awesome advert the Red Cross ran recently: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juLcLxVoOac - it's one of my favourites, pretty artsy and neat and, unlike other adverts, pretty damn grim. Honestly I don't think you've quite captured the feeling I think you were going for, which was menacing.

To me, poetry is about condensing the whole feeling, expansive as it may be, so that every word exists for a reason, and while it may not carry the same weight as other words, the thing you want to avoid is a word or set of words carrying no meaning. Repetition is a technique to be used with modesty and its overuse can render a lot of your poetry arbitrary. Think of it this way - the last thing you want in poetry is somebody skipping over your words because they know what words are going to be there, i.e something to avoid at all costs is predictability in any circumstance.

While 'I'm the' may not seem like something costly to repeat, given the amount of stanzas in the poem, I think its effect as a line starter / phrase / two words is lost.

Other than that, I like the idea of poetry building up a riddle and you being able to take images and mesh them into a solution. I interpreted this to be about sex in a widespread set of contexts; some of the images I felt were nice and others touched on cliche. Thinking of sex in the expansive emotion and feeling that it is, some images didn't touch that feeling and thus didn't feed into the impact of the last line.

Each stanza sets up this premise for a feeling or an image, but then puts a lid on it before it is truly formed (such is the trouble of two line stanzas).

Wow... tht's harsh but Its quite appropriate for all who try to mess up with pipz and they never seem to care. Simple but I like the fact that The poet...Really has a good sense of expression.

Hello Tenyo dear! Fantastic poem. So utterly perfect. The rhythm was perfectly on beat. And... Yeah. Just perfect.
One little nitpick though-

I’m scene the you've been waiting for all season

That makes your heart race with anticipation.

Tenyo, dear.

This is amazing. So... agh! I love it. Simple, but never clichè.

I hope this gets featured and doesn't simply get lost in the forums with a few comments. Great job<3

Favorite lines:
"I’m the tool of betrayal used
To murder innocent blood.
I’m the gesture of reassurance
That calms and soothes your fears."

And the end = Mind Blown.